Only the Shadow Knows...

I am a student of relationship; I value what I learn from the co-existence I develop with people, animals, outdoor spaces - there is a special symbiosis that comes from a well-nurtured relationship.  Analyzing my past relationships with people, especially the unhealthy relationships, allows me to recognize patterns.  For me, a huge issue is abandonment.  I was abandoned emotionally as a child, and in turn found myself "jumping ship" in adult relationships, if I got a whiff of trouble brewing...

One of the troubling bridges to cross for people is developing new relationshiops when they're healing from a troubled or dysfunctional (maybe even co-dependent) relationship.  It is easy to be with someone when the bloom is still on the rose; new love and renewed sexual excitement is thrilling at many levels.  We wear our best clothes, use perfect manners, and expect the thrill of the chase.  A maturing relationship seeks sweatpants and sneakers - when we don't want to wear make-up and a greasy spoon breakfast with extra syrup is perfect.  These are still nearly-new relationships, but the persons involved are stepping off the pedestal.  I'm concerned with the relationship where shadow begins to show itself.  The wounded think they're expressing wisdom by abandoning relationships when a new partners darker parts begin to show.  This is not wisdom~ this is fear and the expectation that one will be wounded.  Abandon ship!  No, this is fear, and bringing what you fear into a new relationship will sully it, and doom it from growth and depth.

Instead, I challlenge people to be grateful that they are being shown the shadow side. We all have a shadow self...  and it ain't pretty.  When a partner shows their shadow, they are being vulnerable - they are saying "Here I am with all my warts.  Can you still be in love with me?"   Indeed, I am grateful for the opportunity to see my partner in his wholeness - the yin and the yang.  Now I can know the truth about who this is I am expending this preccious resource on to, this love....

As long as shadow is addressed and managed, it doesn't get out of control and won't ruin a relationship.  My grandmother taught me to walk the medicime wheel for a full year with whomever I am loving, before I commit to the long-term.  I didn't do that properly in my first relationships.  It is something I did do with Brian. I am glad to know his shadow side, and grateful that he accepts mine.  In my state of physical challenge I don't act like I did when we were dating.  Love deepens as we embrace and are grateful for the vulnerability a person shares when they show their shadow. Own it and love them.  If they are the right person, you'll know that completely and without hesitation after that full year on the wheel...  if they aren't the right partner you  love them as a person, from a distance, and thank them for what they taught you about yourself and your way of right relationship.  No fear required, no fear involved. Move on and know you've honed your relationship skills.

How to understand your resident spirit...

So I've been sending spirits into the light from my teen years, making this avocation of mine more than 40 years in duration. It's always interested me (in a macabre sort of way) why people are terrified of the behaviours of their resident spirits. Little things like moving objects across the table, or shifting a shower curtain from the left to the right, or just making the odd noise - these kinds of rather benign activities will send a nervous Nelly into near-apoplexy.  Some people can't see past their fear and hold on to  terror for years. I try to get folks to understand that compassion for this spirit person  is going to go a long way to get them out of your environment!  Said differently, your fear will hold them in the environment because spirits feed on highly volatile energies like fear and anxiety. Conversely, loving compassionate understanding that these entities are afraid of going into the next dimension, or they have regrets, or they simply passed in the state of dementia and are confused!  Spirits are you and I. Those of us in this dimension are simply spirits having a human 3rd dimensional experience.

Spirits were people having all the same kinds of day-to-day human experiences that we all have… and the fear seems to rest in the lack of our ability to understand the form they now possess because we usually can't see them.  When I am counseling those with resident spirits I ask the frightened homeowner to consider that the person in their residence might be a grandmother or grandfather… How would they want me to speak to their grandmother or grandfather who was confused and needing to go to the light?  Or maybe, just maybe, this grandparent had a message for the homeowner!  Projecting an atmosphere of love and compassion is crucial to getting spirits who are anxious and afraid to calm down.  Think of this when you're talking to an anxious crying child - nothing much happens until the atmosphere is calm and the child is peaceful.  The same holds true for spirits.  By projecting love and understanding about the predicament they find themselves in, it is easier to call their guides, teachers, archangels, ancestors, parents and other family members to come through the light and take this spirit "home". 

Once the spirit has gone through the veil they can come back in visitation but they aren't stuck in our dimension anymore.  It's really about us coming to terms with our feelings about life, living and the ultimate ending that we all face.  Knowing that we will move into our spirit form at some point in our human life should be the impetus for coming to terms with some kind of understanding of our place in the universe.  Call this a spiritual understanding or a religious doctrine or whatever allows you to come to peace about the process of life, this is what will move you to come to terms with what happens to our spirit at death. 

I will continue to cleanse homes (which isn't meant to imply that spirits make them spiritually dirty) and I will always counsel my clients to go to a place of compassion for those who've gone ahead...

Peace, love, and light everyone - have a blessed week.

Oh weird spring week

So it's Friday already and I can't believe how quickly this week has flown by! What a weird cornucopia of weather. It's been interesting from and educational point of view in that Angeni got to participate in a public school concert and then also in the Kiwanis music festival. Both bands she participates in scored gold for the high school level competition. She is the percussionist and has only played the drums since the end of February, so this astonishes me.

I call this the "end" of the week, but it really isn't for Brian and me.  Our work week is intensively centred on weekends and usually Monday & Tuesday.  We take our so-called days off on Wednesday and Thursday... well, sometimes, maybe.  This week was different because I am recovering from a virus.  Not a cold, or anything like that - this was something I haven't really experienced personally.  It threw off my sleep and I ache from head to toe.  So I endeavoured to do more correspondence, lots of cooking and took a couple of naps during the week.  The bug is buggering off, steadily.  I am grateful that it forced me to slow down a wee bit.

As I prepare for psychospiritual development class on Saturday night, I'm impressed by the evolvement of the students.  Most are very gung-ho and eager to take in the knowledge.  I realize not all of them will hang a shingle and offer services, but most are interested in this for their own advancement, their deepening of their own spiritual connection to source. I admire this - and it keeps me on my toes.  Some aspects of development will never change - standing to work is pretty much set in stone.  Yet, the equipment is leading me on a journey of discovery that I hope keeps me fresh and current.  I have more quipment in a re-purposed camera bag than we ever did in an entire lab!  Learning the software is also something I need help wrapping my head around.  Sound analysis software is fairly comprehensive and easy to use, but the Kinex type of software is beyond me - for now.  I will grasp it with a bit more time.  I won't give up my days off though...  too precious.

The daffodils, hyacinth, snow drops and crocuses are all beginning to bloom.  I love this time of year...  The hyacinths are in a bed coveing the graves of my cats Nonny and Bob.   Zuna Piggles rests out at the edge of the property, and her grave gets covered in wiid flowers. Hopefully this late-April snow gives up soon and we get that real spring weather again.  We did get a taste of it once already.  Brian finds his workshop qite cold this time of year.  The propane is gone and the tank is being removed next week because we can't afford to heat the shop.  We only ever did heat it to 10 degrees, so that his paints and varnishes didn't freeze.  This is reality.  But, he is braving it out there this afternooon for a bit.  It's only 5 degrees today, but the workshop is quite well insulated.

The local community is celebrating the 400th anniversary of the arrival of Samual Champlain with an epic, multi-day play. It's being performed in an outdoor arena.   There are hundreds of people involved - I don't know where they will get hundreds of people from this tiny village, but whatever... The rehearsals have gone on for days, and the bass thump of their sound system rolls through the village.  I won't be attending...

We're getting out the seeds and preparing them for planting.  My favourite are the calendula seeds - they look like shrunken brown bananas.  Brian is designing feather boxes and the raised bed planters for the deck.  I can't get down on my knees to plant, and walking is difficult with my back issues, so raised beds will be delightful.  This is the first spring in the last 4 that he's felt well enough (post-surgeries) to aggressively prepare for planting...  it's precious time doing something we love and I am grateful.  

Well, have a wonderful weekend.  Blessings, Kathryn

I heard the frogs singing…

It's nearly noon on a very sunny warm Sunday. It appears that spring might have read my last blog post about being late, because she is sure making up for it today.  It's already 12° and Brian is outside lubricating the wheels and axles on the trailer.  The trailer has a new home next week...  Anyway in the silence of this Sunday morning I've had time to communicate with our shamanic group [confirming our next gathering], and this put me in a "looking ahead" mode.  I'm not one for planning too far ahead but certainly with teaching schedules one has to get the information out into the Big World so that students have time to make a choice and register. 

We've been really heartened and grateful for the response by students to the current psychospiritual development class.  I've really pushed a lot of information on these people because they seem capable of grabbing it and running with it. Every week Brian cautions me that maybe I'm overwhelming them, but I don't think so...

In my nearly 40 years teaching I cannot recall ever having a group where individually and collectively gratitude is shown toward the teachings on a weekly basis! This is a group of genuine, committed, spiritually progressive light workers.  The key, I believe, to their advancement is the state of grace they hold - in other words their gratitude.  I do not own their gratitude; I am only the vehicle through which this cumulative knowledge is shared.  It is not my knowledge per se, but the knowledge of the divine that I've been able to glean in my personal and professional life.

So during last night's class when everyone stood to work, everyone channeled [some for the 1st time] I was gob smacked at just how advanced this group really is, right now, today.  The collective consciousness has been advancing certainly for the past 50, years but never was it more demonstrated to me than watching these people grasp the teachings and go.  In recent years we've tried offering courses and never have they run! We would hand-deliver flyers to bookstores and esoteric stores everywhere from Midland/Orillia/Barrie/Wasaga Beach/Collingwood/Thornbury and all the little communities in between - anything within an hour of our place.  The lack of community response to very inexpensive courses made me question whether the universe was telling us that we are passé, and the offering of courses is out of step with current spiritual philosophy. However, in the winter, members of the community came to us and asked us to teach what we know - that was a surprise! So it started the ball rolling.  Now we have a crystals course, dowsing, introduction to shamanism, and another round of channeling set to go this summer.  Ultimately I'd like there to be enough trained channeling students that we can have a weekly sitting circle.

This brings me back to the frogs...  At the end of last night's class one of the students poked her head back in the door and called to me "You must come here the frogs they've started singing!"   After all the students were gone I did step outside with the dogs, and indeed the frogs were singing.  I went to bed with that sound in my head to be awakened by birds singing.  I am grateful and feel blessed that spring is indeed ushering in a new sense of connectedness and growth.

Blessings to you all and may you also feel joy in this developing spring time.

Cooking, crafting and taxes - oh my!

Well, spring is certainly taking a very long time to manifest. I am heartened by the fact that all the snow is gone from the front of the house which allows the daffodils and hyacinth to begin poking through the soil in the lawn and the gardens.  Like all lawns along the street ours desperately needs a good raking and dethatching.  It's a little too rainy and a little bit too cold to be working outdoors right now. In fact with Brian's recent cardiac issues I'm a little reluctant to have him do the yard work to the extent that it needs doing...  Angeni will have to help.  She's a good kid but this will likely elicit some episodes of teen angst.  She certainly doesn't like the adventures in the dog poop filled, post-winter minefield that is our backyard.

Over the years I've been very concerned about Brian's post-cardiac surgery diet.  In addition to it being low-fat, low-carb, low sodium, reduced meat and low-fat, it still has to be tasty.  Angeni has not liked a lot of the East Indian and vegetarian meals that I've introduced.  More teen angst.  Brian loves East Indian food and I've needed to learn about some of the more exotic spices.  I've enjoyed learning about them because in my studies I've unearthed the healing properties that the spices contain - like Tumeric and cayenne.  We are all benefiting from the change of diet.  Tonight I plan a rollicking "red beans and rice" one-pot meal. It does have a little bit of meat in it but in the past it would have been the equivalent of a serving of meat for one person, in one meal.  Now this amount of meat is enough for an entire pot of red beans and rice that will be the equivalent of 3 meals for 3 people.  I credit the new cooking channel called "Gusto" with providing an incredible amount of education on food and spice.  It's certainly broadened my food knowledge and expanded our nightly meal repertoire.  Sometimes TV has merit...  Certainly Gusto is better than the wrestling shows I used to watch , but I can't give up my fave paranormal programs.

I mentioned crafting in the title...  Doggedly determined, I've been doing some jewellery commissions, repairs and knitting a couple of interesting shawls.  I've deviated from the series I was working on - it's devoted to bird dodems and is called "Sacred Flight". The last 2 shawls are more along the lines of the visual light spectrum and relate to chakra colours. I'm still using sacred geometry principles as they relate to the mathematics of Crystal vibration, but the shawls are not about birds and more about human spirit.  When something like this comes up automatically in my art I don't fight it or try to left brain analyze it to death; rather, I let the universe flow through my work.  I don't always know what the message is but I know there is a message…  The deviation from the bird series may in fact be due to the psychospiritual development course we are teaching at the moment. We've spent a lot of time discussing the chakras, vibrations, auras, dowsing, crystals and spirits. I think this certainly impacted the direction my art has veered off to this past month.

Well, enough for now...  have a glorious, nearly-spring, weekend!

Hospitals - the other side of the bedpan

That's twice in once wintery month...  the local hospital was needed by both of us. Working in a hospital as long as I did in the 70's and 80's I'm fairly confident about the intake issues and access to care.  I don't like dealing with a doctor I don't know at all, however.  There is nothing better than a relationship built on respect and trust. Well whatever.  The bone infection is being treated and I should feel much better in a few short days.  I was benused by the self-intake process (two brand new machines - like keyboards - one already broken)... I still had to review all the information with a clerk and produce more than one kind of identification.  This is counter-intuitive and a sad statement on the past abuses of our healthcare system.

Brian is doing much better after his cardiac care adventure.  It's going to take until June to get all the follow-up tests requisitioned by the doctor who treated him.  At least all of this information goes back to the family doctor.  As difficult as it is to get in to see him, at least there is that relationship of trust building a foundation.  While we both hate going to the hospital or the doctor, now that I sit on the patient side of the bedpan, I am grateful for good care.

Angeni has a summer job lined up, and that's a bit of awesome news.  As we enter April, I am amazed that there are only about 10 weeks left in this school year.  Harder still is the idea that in 5 months she enters her final year of highschool.  I remember watching Brian walk with her to the school bus, when, having barely turned 4, she needed help getting up the school bus stairs.  As she stands on the cusp of adulthood I marvel.  How time flies - she was bareely out of diapers and here she is all grown up. Driving a car is next...  then in 17 months she's off to either college or university.  She would argue that soon we'll need diapers. (Sigh)

How time flies, and how important it is to stay healthy, vital and grateful.  Peace and blessings.

Boundaries

I've always attempted to help people within the capacities I hold as teacher, minister, healer, shaman, artist and especially as a psychic medium...  This is my work, and as such I must earn an income.  Unlike spiritual care providers in the big churches, I am not on a salary or contract - my church work is pro bono and always has been.  When big spiritual bodies have large congregations they are able to pay their clergy and there is no need for fee-for-service.  I need to put food on the table, and Ontario Hydro won't let me pay my hydro bill with channeling for their staff.  Spiritual service providers are professionals and necessary within society, no less so than doctors, lawyers or architects.  This is truth.

In the history of my work, the line has blurred quite a few times between my "professional" self and my friendships.  The outcome has been fine for most of these experiences of fuzzy lines.  However, there are a few significant relationships that have ended with hurt and pain on both sides - and there is nothing I seem to be able to do about it except wrap the other person in a bubble of love and light.  It means loving them from a distance because the relationship is broken.  I've learned from experience not to chase people to attempt to heal things, but my lessons about personal boundaries have come late in life - too late for some of the friendships gone sour.

I chatted with one of my theologian friends about why this "broken relationship" phenomenon happens.  Is it ego?  Is it woundedness? Is it a maturity thing?  Perhaps in my case it is the "adult child of an alcoholic father" scenario?  He wisely reminded me that it is all those things...  It started for me with the self-protective stance of a threatened child of an alcoholic father - I was the classic peace-keeper in the family, and thus said "yes" far too often to activities and circumstances that went against what I wanted/needed/knew was right.  I know I carried the "yes person" stuff into my family and business relationships.  I keep learning that lesson.  I've actually been participating in life coaching in order to learn paradigms for recognizing the traps I allow myself to fall into... 

My theologian friend is skilled at drawing from many spiritual teachings and brought forward the Buddhist thoughts on life being in constant flow - ever changing - impermanent.  Pain is impermanent.  Joy is impermanent.  Indeed, I recognize from our talk that to appreciate awesome, long-term friendships one must suffer the pain of damaged, lost relationships!  One doesn't know what one has until it is gone...  Indeed.  Spending time longing for the relationship to right itself is time wasted.  It needs to be loved for what it was and respected for what it is...

So my boundary issues are still a work in progress - I bear the scars of the loss of many who were in my life and now are gone.  I want to learn the lesson and the means to keep it from happening again.  I hope it never does...  no repeating this one, next time around.  It is too painful.

Enjoy this last burst of winter - it too is changing and impermanent.

You just never know...

A strange end to a wonderful "Spring Break" week.  Started last Saturday cleaning the house extensively (basically did spring cleaning for 4 days) in anticipation of the arrival of cousins Brent and Ann from Guelph.  Also on Saturday Angeni set up a huge drum kit in the office - she's never played drums and the band is going to Nationals in early May!  The four-leggeds are not fans of loud percussion - neither is my ticker...  Saturday night was a rolicking channeling class.

Angeni did her camp counselling job in Wyebridge aall week, and steadily developed a quite  nasty cold.   Ann and Brent arrived and we did a bit of sightseeing...  there were some wonderful meals and good chats.  Even the dogs behaved... well sort of... We bid our guests "Adieu" on Saturday.  Angeni was supposed to go to Comic-Con on Saturday but that fell through.  Actually that was probably a good thing  because she was getting very ill...  Class number 3 Saturday night was amazing.  Zener cards, special dice and psychometry.  Fun!

Finally we come to today.  Brian awakens with cardiac issues.  We spent the day in hospital and just arrived back home tonight at 11 P.M.  He's  been very diligent about the diet, the meds - everything except daily exercise.  So he feels lucky to have pulled through this one.  There are tests and things yet this week, but the bottom line is he had to lose 25 pounds and walk 30 minutes every day to build heart strength and stamina. Despite the hospital visit when we came home there was still the weekly garbage to get ready to put out in the morning. The drum set must be hauled out to the van and returned to the school first thing.

Anyway I am grateful for all the blessings this week, especially Brian's positive outcome from this major health scare.  Life is strange and good.  Cheers!

Spooks in Motion

I am so stoked about the latest Psychospiritual Development class - for a number of reasons.  I've been teaching this topic for a very long time (nearly 40 years).  For a good 30 years I've occasionally added resources to the teaching notes, but I've not had to update the material completely until the last few years. I just did a massive re-write for this class, adding terminology and descriptions of cutting- edge technology. The massive escalation within technology has really raised the bar.  Gone are the days we had a hand-held thermometer, flashlight, film-based camera and tape recorder.  (If you were lucky you had access to a Faraday cage.)  Now there are Mel meters, SB-11 "Spirit boxes", Frank's boxes, laser grids, ovulus boxes, motion sensing kinetic viewers, trifield meters, infra-red, and the list goes on...  We can use our computers to filter out the noises in EVP's and hear the words spoken.  ITC (instrumental transcommunication) was a huge deal in the 1970's and 80's with the work of Metascience and the "Spiricom" machine.  Current technology totally eclipses Spiricom. Technology helps eliminate fraud and reduces the guesswork of field analysis.   I'm so grateful to be around watching the emergence of this field I love so much...

And yet...  the more things change, the more things stay the same.  I was channeling for someone the other night, alone in the house.  I worked with the client over Skype and we had quite a session.  Just a few minutes after,  I heard the studio door open.  The bells on the door jangled loudly and the dogs went ballistic.  I called out to see if if was Brian returning - no answer, and the door slammed shut hard, very hard.  Was the person in the house or gone? I freaked, calling out that I had already dialed 911.  Not hearing footsteps, I called on guardian angels and headed into the studio.  As I entered I smelled cherry pipe tobacco.  The only person I knew who smoked this tobacco was my grandpa Pigeon.  I checked the door and indeed it was unlocked, to my dismay.  I scoured the studio, checked for thefts, and went into my storeroom (formerly the garage).  No flesh-and-blood person.  This bothered me all the next day.  I finally asked Brian to dowse: he determined it was a spirit, wandering in, attracted to the fact I was channeling.  My grandpa stopped the intrusion.  The issue?  I had not closed the circle after being with my client on Skype!

Wow, did I feel stupid.  No tech in the world replaces the protocols associated with the acts of mediumship.  1t could have been 1865 instead of 2015.  My experience would have easily been prevented if I'd practiced what I preach to students: when you open a circle, CLOSE it, so the spirits know your boundaries!  It's a big lesson I shared with the class last night.  Keeps me humble!

Anyway, I'm delighted to have family coming to visit us this week, for the first time.  Angeni is working all week as a camp counselor, and we're spring cleaning in anticipation of the visitors.  Growing up we did not interact much with cousins, even though we all lived in Guelph.  Now, in our golden years we're changing that paradigm.  Gotta love family. 

Have a wonderful spring break! Blessings.

So, another beautiful day, with just enough hints of spring to make me giddy.  I'm also still basking in the glow of a fabulous Psychospiritual Development class last night.  We covered a lot of territory, and the mood was great.  I'm looking forward to the next 9 weeks...  As the weather improves I'm considering taking the students who wish to develop it, for a day of dowsing.  One needs warm, dry weather for a dowsing class.  There are two forms of dowsing I teach: geomantic dowsing (earth-based) and radiesthetic dowsing (the body).

Anyway, I am happily designing a quilt featuring Kateri Tekakwitha.  The quilt is a commission by an old friend, for his daughter.  I want to depict Kateri in less of a traditional, religions manner.  I have visions of her with stylized wings, floating in a sunset skyscape.  I'm contemplating whether to include a lily.  She was known as the "Lily of the Mohawks".  I am drafting my pattern on bristol board, taped into a larger piece with packing tape.   It's a large picture - this is a queen-sized quilt.  I've struggled with her depiction for months, but the form that's evolving is both peaceful and powerful; it makes me happy and that's what counts.  The artistic process is so personal, containing so much of Self; it's difficult not to get strangled by emotional tethers.  My "life coaching" helped me work off those tethers.  I proceed with grace.

May your week be beautiful and playful.  Peace.

Spiritual Teaching Assistants

So, I go to bed early last night, and spend some time writing and editing some materials for a book.  It's a beautiful full moon, of "Weighs the Truth" and I'm aware of how bright the room is... In my Type-A left brain, I could move forward with another project because I'd completed all the prep for the upcoming class.  Or so I thought. I fall asleep, and at 02:30 I am awakened to a message that the information I need for the Psychospiritual Development class is not complete; I am missing the "Metascience" information, a book list and some score sheets for the old Duke University parapsychology tests.  Hmmm.  Agreed. 

I thank the guides and teachers for the information, but I didn't need to hear about it in the wee hours.  One of the things I spend significant amounts of time teaching students is about the ethics of channeling and personal boundaries.  In the training I received, it is never alright to spontaneously walk up to a person and say "I'm a medium and I have a message for you - do you want to hear it?"  Usually this is done in a public place when the recipient of the message is caught off guard.  My teachers advised, rightfully, that this is an unethical breach of their boundaries.   What I wouldn't do to another, I don't want to have happen to me - I don't want messages imposed upon me when I'm sound asleep and have not opened to receive.  It is a reminder to put up protection.  I try to teach students to "start out as you wish to continue" in the channeling relationship.

Brian and I rectified the missing documents, as per the helpful messages.  I was pleased that all the copies of student notes were already made - I just updated them with a few additional sheets of information.  We've got the white board and easel, the room is set up and new white board markers purchased.  I've retrieved all the books and tools we need.  I'm pumped, and ready to go.  The ancestors know they need to be patient until tomorrow.  It's all good...

Birthday fun

Tis the night before my birthday...  I came to bed at 6:30 and am wide awake at just about 11:15.  Hmmm...  It was a quiet, gentle day and I did some channeling this afternoon for a grieving friend.  She's in a better place and that feels fabulous... it always does...

We set up my studio for the Psychospiritual Development class scheduled to start next weekend.  It's been awhile since I taught channeling and I'm quite excited! This week I prep the notes and pull together all the materials for the students.  The connection with Spirit is fleeting if one doesn't work at it, like any good relationship worth having in life.  I know there are times I've let my relationship lag a bit, and then suddenly I'll notice that I feel adrift - even lost.  At other times I've been more in touch with people in spirit (and angels) than those in this dimension!  I need to keep a happy medium...  ha ha, a funny.  Happy medium.

Anyway I'm aware of something in the air - the earth - called the "quickening".  This was an old Spiritualist term for a vibrational boost we get when connecting to higher vibrating realms.  I also feel it when the energy starts to shift within the earth.  The trees are waking up. In the next couple of weeks the sap will be flowing and the snow banks dissipating into the ground.  The melt is supporting the water table.  I feel it, usually after Valentines, so it is a bit later starting this year.  Whenever it comes, I'll take it!  The winter is winding down and the beasts will be stirring towards nesting.  I love the birdsong and the early flowers.

I've wondered about this coming year - my 58th - and ask myself how to manifest "the new".  I know in my heart something is coming...  it has familiar elements, and yet is going to push my boundaries.  I welcome it and am grateful for the abundance in my life.  Bllessings and peace, friends.  I'll have some carrot cake and toast you all!

What a difference a day makes...!

I've been knitting a lot over the past couple of years...  a rough mental count says 31 prayer/healing shawls, in addition to myriad hats, socks, gloves and a couple dog sweaters.  Knitting is profoundly healing.  I've knit, crocheted and sewn since childhood, but I never realized how much I need to knit.  I taught myself with books and magazines initially, because my mother was a "lefty" so it was hard to follow her movements.  My grandmother taught me some basics, but that was infrequent.  I was by enlarge self-taught.  All the years of complex lacework and spinning my own yarns have given me a sense of spiritual intertwining with the work I produce...

Today I create my own patterns, using sacred geometry.  My love of nature, and especially birds, incubated a need to create shawls which are like bird wings  I love blending the colours, graphing the designs and the math...  the math is sublime!  I adore the harmony the math creates when interpreted by the stitches, yarns and colours.  It's trippy!  Lately I incorporate the resonance patterns of crystals with the sacred geometry.  Every stitch is from my hands... the shawls birthing from the needles are deceptively simple looking.  While I tag each piece and attempt to convey the meaning of each dodem bird, the proof is in the wearing, not the words.

Visitors to our studio are impressed by the knitting.  I'm glad; it is heart-warming when people pick up on the intention of my work.  By the same token, Brian's woodwork appears simple, yet the stages and effort taken to create the items is intensive. Art is a gift from the heart and soul.

Anyway, I've drafted out and started two similar but yet very different, shawls.  One is in the progression of a rainbow, or the basic chakras.  The other shawl incorporates some of the same yarns, yet is designed to reflect Parrot. The Parrot shawl is destined for a client in Mexico.  I love that my shawls are flying around the world...  the loving intention and healing they bring to me, as maker, is something I am glad to share.  Peace.

A long time coming…

So here we are in 2015. It's very obvious to anyone who's followed this blog that I haven't posted in a very long time - there is a reason for that… I've had a great deal of healing to do.  You'll notice from the history that in 2006 and 2007 my postings averaged about 3 every 2 weeks and then dropped dramatically after we started working for the government.  Finding the time and living through unending renovations made focusing on my blog [and Moonstar Lodge] the difficult thing.We worked for the ministry for 4 1/2 years and in that time developed programs, ran circles, fulfilled our Midewiwin obligations and raised a child. What we didn't expect to experience was the issue of lateral violence. We were outsiders in this community and as a result thought to be unworthy of the financial remuneration for the contract we successfully bid on.

Right now in 2015 there is an incredible emphasis on missing and murdered aboriginal women, missing and murdered aboriginal men and racism.  What isn't in the limelight is the issue of lateral violence.  In a nutshell lateral violence relates to aboriginal communities/individuals fighting with other aboriginal communities/individuals for money, gain, power or the limelight.  The dangling of some proverbial carrot is causing our own people to fight with each other in a way that we are not gaining anything and in fact supporting the agenda of "divide and conquer".

I came out of the aboriginal closet as a teenager and literally clawed my way through a morass of colonial genocide to be recognized and own who I really am...  I thought I had to be Métis because I lived off reserve and that is not so. Brian and I have made a concerted effort to ensure that our daughter [at 16] has not and does not know the same sorts of struggles. She owns, and knows exactly who she is and is out in the community as an aboriginal female. Gains have been made at governmental levels to some degree, but not where money is involved.  Anyway it's 2 1/2 years later and I've processed a whole lot of healing and grief. I've gone from being able to provide adequately for my family but now I am broke - but not broken.  The PTSD issues I had as a child flared for a while but I've got them under control. Part of my healing journey has been to recognize that the  4.5 years with the ministry were only part of the 34 years plus I've been doing what I do as Moonstar Lodge.  Lateral violence does not keep me down.  My studio is my sanctuary and I continue to perform and provide the services that my community requests.

For the 1st time in 7 years I am teaching Psychospiritual Development.  We've tried to offer classes in this community (they never ran) and yet this class is full! In the 7 years since we've been here our online presence, the World Wide Web has changed and we are changing with it!  I've got videos on YouTube as uncomfortable as that is, I'm still hearing from people who've watched my talks on a number of subjects… Midewiwin still happens… And life goes on.

I'm back. And this time I won't shut up :)

Interesting quote:

"Shamans are sometimes considered healers or doctors, but really they are people who deal with the tears and holes we create in the net of life, the damage that we all cause in our search for survival. In a sense, all of us — even the most untechnological, spiritual, and benign peoples — are constantly wrecking the world. The question is: how do we respond to that destruction? If we respond as we do in modern culture, by ignoring the spiritual debt that we create just by living, then that debt will come back to bite us, hard. But there are other ways to respond. One is to try to repay that debt by giving gifts of beauty and praise to the sacred, to the invisible world that gives us life. Shamans deal with the problems that arise when we forget the relationship that exists between us and the other world that feeds us, or when, for whatever reason, we don’t feed the other world in return." - Martín Prechtel

Artwork by Lunar New Year (www.flickr.com/photos/lnylnylny/)

It.has been awhile...

Well it's been a while since I've published anything on this blog but there is so much that has changed…We had a series of open houses for my "new" studio since my last post.  Unfortunately Angeni had the experience of losing the vision in her left eye due to a virus and I was diagnosed on the very same day with a small brain tumour (which is now calcified). Angeni has been seen at Sick Kids hospital a couple of times but they feel that she has permanently lost the vision in the left eye. We are still working with some cutting edge therapies that may in fact prove to be helpful. The doctors feel the virus may either have been from a tick bite or a cat scratch! All the more reason to make sure your family wears long pants and socks when walking through outdoor areas. Anyway that's an issue in process.

Brian and I have started doing some art shows and joined some local artists who are participating in a studio tour for Tiny Township. I am very excited to be opening up our studio to a broader community base.  My next show out is scheduled to be at Sainte Marie among the Hurons for National Aboriginal Day and the weekend which follows NAD. I've been a member of Huronia Foundation for the Arts now for all 5 years that we've lived here, but this is the 1st year I could be extensively involved in shows and gatherings.We hope to participate in the Festval du Loup in July, right here in Lafontaine.  Brian is enjoying his wood turning and after all these years with formal training as a carpenter he is now an emerging artist.

May was a particularly busy month for me as I traveled to Burlington to teach a class on "near-death experience". The next day I traveled to Guelph and again to Kitchener-Waterloo for an alumni gathering of Moonstar Lodge members. We had the opportunity to gather, do ceremony, eat wonderful food, and channel. A couple days later I traveled over to the Goderich area and made some stops to see people along the way...  Last weekend we had our gathering of shamans many of whom have been with us now for nearly 20 years! It was a really exciting weekend and I so enjoy getting together twice a year with this special group of people. This year were planning wedding for one of our members and that's always a precious, rare opportunity to practice traditional ceremonies in a public venue. 

I will get back to using this blog to discuss current issues within parapsychology. Life is settling down a wee bit so I can hopefully attend to this blog on a more regular basis.  Right now a prayer shawl is calling me! I am nearly finished this one and it reminds me of rainbow popcorn.

Have a blessed weekend!

Moody Winter

I was aghast to rise and see winter on the trees, and settled on the lawn... my calendula are covered over in a snowy blanket, so there are no more crops. I bagged the last dry florets today... I'm overcome with that gripping numb reality that says, "snow tires NOW", "get the clothespins in NOW", and who can forget "wipe your feet NOW"...

The first snow is like losing your virginity... You can't say "I didn't like that, so I want to go back a be a virgin again." No matter how unpleasant the experience, you are changed... I'm at the other end of the spectrum. Winter's arrival is like menopause's arrival - cold, hard, fast and not predicted. My emotional landscape is covered in some schizophrenic crap and I easily fall and slip in it.

Like tonight. So not a stellar night to be writing anything the world will read. Except to say a dear friend, while visiting on the weekend, suggested I have too many spatulas. I countered that not all of them are for the same purpose, and I am writing a cookbook - all kitchen tools are on deck these days. She didn't believe me... she thinks I'm hoarding spatulas. Weird Al Yankovic and I are maybe the only people in the world who appreciate spatulas - he pays homage to them in a video where the protagonist goes to spatula world.

Maybe it's not menopause after all... maybe it's the attack on my culinary tool collection. I suggested I might take some spatulas up to the bedroom - isn't that a novel usage? My visiting friend just laughs at me, and says she misses my humour. Good thing she lives far away when I've slipped on my hormonal nightmare and landed in the sewage.

However, my husband, who turned 61 today, is knee-deep in the menopausal morass.

I promise I will get back to all things paranormal in a couple of days - really, I promise! :)  I would rather speak about the Ontario Multifaith Committee (OMC) conference I just attended on the weekend...  It was, as always, highly impactful and nourishing for my soul.  It amazes me how savvy and connected people can be when they have a common agenda.  In this instance the OMC mandate covers their responsibility to oversee that the spiritual needs of inmates in prisons (and to some degree other government institutions) are honoured and protected.  Even in Canada there are gross violations of human rights and spiritual/creed laws.  So the fact that OMC has lost its funding from the Ministry of Community and Social Services became another tangent of the bonding, common agenda under which we operate.  The conference food is fair, the accommodations are spartan, but the spiritual dynamism is so inspiring and rich nourishment that is hard to surpass.  I am a better person for the effort to attend.

On Tuesday evening I came home to find a cheque waiting in the mail - a cheque from a friend who knows we are hurting, and needing some money to get us through to the open houses later this month.  I am humbled by her words of support as much as the money.  It validates that moving back into my original direction (Moonstar Lodge) is the correct thing to do...  I studied hard and long to be a medium, healer and shaman.  To that end, I find great comfort in returning full time to this part of my walk on the red road. I love talking to the "spooks" (my affectionate term of endearment), and seeing beyond the limitations of my human eyes and imagination.  See?  This is bordering on references to the paranormal.

One of the only downturns to this week, as we prepare to do some drum-making with highschool kids, is that I'm forced to withdraw from my fibromyalgia medication, due to the cost and the side effects.  I have nothing left to use, except acetaminophen, which really does nothing anymore.  The act of withdrawal means my head aches, I'm nauseated, knees, ankles and feet are swollen, and I am in pain.  Big time.  Not a happy week.  The dizziness and palpitations are better today than yesterday, and I am sleeping, so that helps.  It will be better by the weekend, I pray.

Well, I have to get back to my other work, so see you soon!  Blessings, Kat

Not getting a lot of sleep lately...  pneumonia for the last two weeks, and my fibro med has the lovely side effect of insomnia...  So as it approaches 4 AM on this surprisingly warm night, I am going to keep my promise and attempt to recount some of my ghost hunting tales...

My experiences of spirits started as a small child, long before I knew what a "ghost" was...  apparently my mother was aware of a spirit standing over my crib, in the brand new house she had built for her in Guelph.  She didn't know who this might be, so she trundled down Victoria Rd to the York Rd Baptist Church (later to become the Triangle Photo Centre) and talked to the minister there...  He visited and being psychic, proclaimed it was her mother!  My grandmother Rose died when I was not quite ten 11 months old.  My father, whose drinking was escalating,  was at times very violent.  He couldn't hold a job for long, so my younger sister Judy and I were often left in his care while my mother went to work at the local hospital.  When his mood turned violent, I would ask the angels (who I saw quite clearly, and assumed everyone else did) to help me hide.  The directed me to closets and behind the furnace and I remained safe.  In grade school my mediumistic predilections were noticed by neighbours, and some would have the gall to take me downtown to Woolworth's (on the bus) on the pretext of having a sundae or a muffin.  What I learned, sadly, was that they wanted to get me away from my mother to pump me for future-based information.  I was not very old before I became guarded about this whole psychic thing.  I did do a speech at school on Bluenose Ghosts, after a family trip down east in 1966 - I got an award!

By my teens I was totally turned off - I loved reading and studying about ghosts, and even advanced my skills, but not for the purpose of letting people know.  I struggled with my concept of death and God - it created a terrible stress for me, when the Presbyterian Church was a huge part of our family life.  I drifted toward Spiritualism, and began visiting the Spiritualist Church in Brantford.  There were two pivotal events in highschool that haunted me for years - the death of a classmate, which I foretold in September, and the death of a teacher the next year.  I will continue my story as it appears I have run out of room for this blog entry!

Wowee pneumonia sucks!  I have so much to do today to get through the end of the week and prepping for the shows...  I hate when my body doesn't co-operate with my mind.  The open houses are just a month away, and in the meantime I have the Ontario Multifaith Council conference to attend and drum making at the local highschool over a two-day period all before the open houses....  We are doing these for the first time in many years, and absolutely the first time in Lafontaine.  The dates we've chosen are Saturdays Nov. 17, 24, Dec. 1 &2, 8 and 15.  The Dec. 1 & 2 days are the "big" open house, lasting for the weekend, and we have guest artists arriving...  Thankfully Angeni has Nov. 16th off of school so she can help us set up for the first Saturday we're open.

Brian is making drums over the next couple of weeks so they have time to "cure" and then I do some artistic designs on them.  I've been knitting hat and scarf sets, prayer shawls, shrugs, and sweaters.  I have quilts and jewelry - both native and sacred designs.  There are dolls and bears, native cosmetics and sacred medicines.- lots of different odds and sods.  I'm proud of the work we've done.

In the meantime I guess I have to be patient with myself and allow myself to heal.  The antibiotics are NOT pleasant, but I will persevere

I'm too tired to write more...  Have a blessed day!  Kathryn.