Boundaries

I've always attempted to help people within the capacities I hold as teacher, minister, healer, shaman, artist and especially as a psychic medium...  This is my work, and as such I must earn an income.  Unlike spiritual care providers in the big churches, I am not on a salary or contract - my church work is pro bono and always has been.  When big spiritual bodies have large congregations they are able to pay their clergy and there is no need for fee-for-service.  I need to put food on the table, and Ontario Hydro won't let me pay my hydro bill with channeling for their staff.  Spiritual service providers are professionals and necessary within society, no less so than doctors, lawyers or architects.  This is truth.

In the history of my work, the line has blurred quite a few times between my "professional" self and my friendships.  The outcome has been fine for most of these experiences of fuzzy lines.  However, there are a few significant relationships that have ended with hurt and pain on both sides - and there is nothing I seem to be able to do about it except wrap the other person in a bubble of love and light.  It means loving them from a distance because the relationship is broken.  I've learned from experience not to chase people to attempt to heal things, but my lessons about personal boundaries have come late in life - too late for some of the friendships gone sour.

I chatted with one of my theologian friends about why this "broken relationship" phenomenon happens.  Is it ego?  Is it woundedness? Is it a maturity thing?  Perhaps in my case it is the "adult child of an alcoholic father" scenario?  He wisely reminded me that it is all those things...  It started for me with the self-protective stance of a threatened child of an alcoholic father - I was the classic peace-keeper in the family, and thus said "yes" far too often to activities and circumstances that went against what I wanted/needed/knew was right.  I know I carried the "yes person" stuff into my family and business relationships.  I keep learning that lesson.  I've actually been participating in life coaching in order to learn paradigms for recognizing the traps I allow myself to fall into... 

My theologian friend is skilled at drawing from many spiritual teachings and brought forward the Buddhist thoughts on life being in constant flow - ever changing - impermanent.  Pain is impermanent.  Joy is impermanent.  Indeed, I recognize from our talk that to appreciate awesome, long-term friendships one must suffer the pain of damaged, lost relationships!  One doesn't know what one has until it is gone...  Indeed.  Spending time longing for the relationship to right itself is time wasted.  It needs to be loved for what it was and respected for what it is...

So my boundary issues are still a work in progress - I bear the scars of the loss of many who were in my life and now are gone.  I want to learn the lesson and the means to keep it from happening again.  I hope it never does...  no repeating this one, next time around.  It is too painful.

Enjoy this last burst of winter - it too is changing and impermanent.