Vulnerability

I admire (envy?) the Yarn Harlot. Her site is always amusing and leaves me feeling good. Her artistic abilities and her human-ness are right there - "in-yer-face" - she seems happy and productive. I appreciate her humour for I can go to that same place (usually) with a sense of ease. Not today, however. As a textile artist I must shift around within my chosen crafts to stave off boredom. Right now it is my quilting that acts as muse - but not an amusing muse. I'm being pulled out of some sort of cocoon, and it isn't comfortable. My inner artist is feeling a vulnerability born of midlife crisis and low self esteem. I've been so used to teaching my craft that the pressure of production (if self-induced) makes me feel like the proverbial deer caught in the headlights.

I'm well aware of the old adage, "them what can't, teach". I've taught for so long, to justify my art, that I'm rusty. My skill set seems dated and my artist's eye "primitive". My quilts are to textile art what disco is to music - horribly retro and very uncool. The prospect of putting my works in a selling gallery next month have me excited and frightened at the same time. Putting my professional portfolio out there (after 25+ years) is unnerving. I seem to have little to show.

I don't know what other artists feel... perhaps we need this angst to push us to have that emotional expression, as birth.