Wow, the past 3 weeks have been some of the most difficult in my life. My right knee began exhibiting signs of ligament or tendon damage, then I pinched a nerve in the upper calf and lost the ability to climb stairs. I am unable to get to the second floor, where our bedroom is, thus I'm sleeping on an uncomfortable couch. I am limited to 2 rooms; can't cook, clean, and about every 3 days Brian "fireman lifts" me up two steps so I can shower - otherwise I am limited to washing at the sink in the bathroom. The indiginity is having to ask my partner to assist washing the nether bits. My arse is already a source of great humour; now it's not so funny.
The medical assessment is slow. It is not until the 23rd that I get an ultraound. It's taken since the trip to emerg to get an MRI in Orillia booked. No firmdate4 yet. That appears to be in October or November! I can't get into my own family doctor to start his process until August 10th. Without a full and correct diagnosis, I cannot have any rehabiltive or physio treatment. In the meantime I need some very important things - a stair lift, and lifting chair, a hospital bed and oerbed table for starters. I could do with an electric wheelchair, but that will all have to wait.
I've made it out to a few medical appointments, after braving the emergency department all day on July 6th. Brian has managed some alterations to the house to allow me to just exist downstairs. He built and put blocks under the couch and my chaise, so I don't have to pull myself up from a really low sitting position. I continue to see clients and teach class - I'm doing some really phenomenal channeling of late. It humbles me how this gift evolves and grows.
Angeni worked her first full week as a counsellor, and Brian went between driving her back and forth, and caring for me. He carries 95% of the housework load, with Angeni doing little things where she can... In all of this he managed to get to his workshop and begin creating a commission of pens, due at the end of the month. His strength and calm humble me as well - "take it as it comes", he reminds me.
Our friend Christine is also a source of clarity. She's been doing business coaching with me, and our sessions have morphed to include this profound life change. The bottom line is, without a proper diagnosis yet, I don't know whether this is permanent or able to heal, even partially. I morph through periods of gratitude and periods of grief and distress. Christine is helping with that...
The top 10 things I am grateful for:
1. My husband shows me great love and support. He is my strength, physically and spiritually.
2. Angeni is rallying and helping without being asked - today she is preparing dinner.
3. This happened in summer, not winter! OMG I can't imagine dealing with this in winter. Just getting to the van to go somewhere is a risk now.
4. The support of friends - one came through with a wheelchair but it is broken. Unfortunately it won't take my weight even if it could be fixed, but my friend tried to help of me.
5. Another friend has located a hospital bed - we just have to get it here in the next few days.
6. I am grateful this didn't happen to both legs at the same time. I might be able to rehabilitate the left leg to get upstairs eventually. it's a goal to shoot for!
7. My back isn't bothering me right now - a very good thing indeed.
8. I have a home, a family and friends who love me, and a health care system which, while flawed, is inching me toward help and relief.
9. My dogs. Nuisances they can be, but they are funny and loyal. The little guys don't know what to make of all the change. They do their best to support all of us.
10. Back to my husband; all my old abandonment shadow issues are rearing their ugly heads. He reminds me he isn't going anywhere. True love - his actions are the marker of real, honest, true love....
So, I'm trying to figure out how to afford a stair lift system. I desperately want to sleep in my own bed - Brian's farts and all. Someone suggested "crowd-sourcing" and we'll look into it. I am communing with the guides/teachers/angels/ancestors asking for guidance, healing and help.
Wish me luck and send prayers! Blessings, friends.
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