Only the Shadow Knows...

I am a student of relationship; I value what I learn from the co-existence I develop with people, animals, outdoor spaces - there is a special symbiosis that comes from a well-nurtured relationship.  Analyzing my past relationships with people, especially the unhealthy relationships, allows me to recognize patterns.  For me, a huge issue is abandonment.  I was abandoned emotionally as a child, and in turn found myself "jumping ship" in adult relationships, if I got a whiff of trouble brewing...

One of the troubling bridges to cross for people is developing new relationshiops when they're healing from a troubled or dysfunctional (maybe even co-dependent) relationship.  It is easy to be with someone when the bloom is still on the rose; new love and renewed sexual excitement is thrilling at many levels.  We wear our best clothes, use perfect manners, and expect the thrill of the chase.  A maturing relationship seeks sweatpants and sneakers - when we don't want to wear make-up and a greasy spoon breakfast with extra syrup is perfect.  These are still nearly-new relationships, but the persons involved are stepping off the pedestal.  I'm concerned with the relationship where shadow begins to show itself.  The wounded think they're expressing wisdom by abandoning relationships when a new partners darker parts begin to show.  This is not wisdom~ this is fear and the expectation that one will be wounded.  Abandon ship!  No, this is fear, and bringing what you fear into a new relationship will sully it, and doom it from growth and depth.

Instead, I challlenge people to be grateful that they are being shown the shadow side. We all have a shadow self...  and it ain't pretty.  When a partner shows their shadow, they are being vulnerable - they are saying "Here I am with all my warts.  Can you still be in love with me?"   Indeed, I am grateful for the opportunity to see my partner in his wholeness - the yin and the yang.  Now I can know the truth about who this is I am expending this preccious resource on to, this love....

As long as shadow is addressed and managed, it doesn't get out of control and won't ruin a relationship.  My grandmother taught me to walk the medicime wheel for a full year with whomever I am loving, before I commit to the long-term.  I didn't do that properly in my first relationships.  It is something I did do with Brian. I am glad to know his shadow side, and grateful that he accepts mine.  In my state of physical challenge I don't act like I did when we were dating.  Love deepens as we embrace and are grateful for the vulnerability a person shares when they show their shadow. Own it and love them.  If they are the right person, you'll know that completely and without hesitation after that full year on the wheel...  if they aren't the right partner you  love them as a person, from a distance, and thank them for what they taught you about yourself and your way of right relationship.  No fear required, no fear involved. Move on and know you've honed your relationship skills.

How to understand your resident spirit...

So I've been sending spirits into the light from my teen years, making this avocation of mine more than 40 years in duration. It's always interested me (in a macabre sort of way) why people are terrified of the behaviours of their resident spirits. Little things like moving objects across the table, or shifting a shower curtain from the left to the right, or just making the odd noise - these kinds of rather benign activities will send a nervous Nelly into near-apoplexy.  Some people can't see past their fear and hold on to  terror for years. I try to get folks to understand that compassion for this spirit person  is going to go a long way to get them out of your environment!  Said differently, your fear will hold them in the environment because spirits feed on highly volatile energies like fear and anxiety. Conversely, loving compassionate understanding that these entities are afraid of going into the next dimension, or they have regrets, or they simply passed in the state of dementia and are confused!  Spirits are you and I. Those of us in this dimension are simply spirits having a human 3rd dimensional experience.

Spirits were people having all the same kinds of day-to-day human experiences that we all have… and the fear seems to rest in the lack of our ability to understand the form they now possess because we usually can't see them.  When I am counseling those with resident spirits I ask the frightened homeowner to consider that the person in their residence might be a grandmother or grandfather… How would they want me to speak to their grandmother or grandfather who was confused and needing to go to the light?  Or maybe, just maybe, this grandparent had a message for the homeowner!  Projecting an atmosphere of love and compassion is crucial to getting spirits who are anxious and afraid to calm down.  Think of this when you're talking to an anxious crying child - nothing much happens until the atmosphere is calm and the child is peaceful.  The same holds true for spirits.  By projecting love and understanding about the predicament they find themselves in, it is easier to call their guides, teachers, archangels, ancestors, parents and other family members to come through the light and take this spirit "home". 

Once the spirit has gone through the veil they can come back in visitation but they aren't stuck in our dimension anymore.  It's really about us coming to terms with our feelings about life, living and the ultimate ending that we all face.  Knowing that we will move into our spirit form at some point in our human life should be the impetus for coming to terms with some kind of understanding of our place in the universe.  Call this a spiritual understanding or a religious doctrine or whatever allows you to come to peace about the process of life, this is what will move you to come to terms with what happens to our spirit at death. 

I will continue to cleanse homes (which isn't meant to imply that spirits make them spiritually dirty) and I will always counsel my clients to go to a place of compassion for those who've gone ahead...

Peace, love, and light everyone - have a blessed week.