Monday, April 23, 2007

Alpha Female

I don't care who says otherwise, I AM alpha female... when Spunky (all 112 pounds of her) steals 7-lb Pooky's tiny rawhide boney, Alpha Mommy is the one who retrieves it, eliciting an obedience that my daughter could well emulate (if she knows what's good for her...)... I do not have to resort to peeing on the lawn to assert myself, either. It is hilarious whenever poor Pooky goes out for a whiz, Spunky follows her around, peeing on the spot where Pook has just gone - sometimes 4 or 5 spots later - no little dogs will out-pee Spunky. Occasionally, Pook stands by, watching and follows Spunk, and sneaks in a final pee on the last place Spunky has anointed... Hilarious.

Maxine, well down on this totem pole of seniority, displays her moment of superiority when she decides that Starr is too close to Mommy. This means some major snarling, snapping and jockeying for position. Spunky can push herself between Max and Alpha Male, but seldom bothers with me... Spunky did take out Spike unfortunately, in a battle over a visiting female friend's attention. Spunky has since shown a penchant for poodle hatred - unfortunately targeting the neighbour's dog as well... Occasionally Spunk tries to push Pooky off her spot on the footstool, whenever we have visitors. Several liberal reprimands, and Spunky remembers her place.

Angeni, at the ripe old age of 8, is attempting to climb the power pole. At 4 and 5, most kids are at the "you are not the boss of me stage", and our daughter was no exception. Thankfully we got through that without use of medieval restraints or shackles. To her credit she's a quiet delightful tweeny, and so far, is not a problem - but the signs are there. She'll beg to do anything around the house except clean her room. Alpha females don't bribe (right?) so we have some serious negotiations, I mean discussions, about how to do the right thing. Or else. She wouldn't want me to pee on her bedroom floor, now would she?

And then we have cats… I am ALPHA KAT. Really. No possible misinterpretation of my monarchy. Nonny, who resembles Monty Python’s version of the village idiot, has no claim to any hierarchical position. Nonster purrs to the beat of her own drumming, oblivious to the machinations of other felines… She has the sweetest disposition of any cat I’ve ever met… Then Zuna Piggles, who is really second in line to Nonny by age, is the real beta Kat, keeping the unruly and despised male cats in their rightful places. The 3 males are way down that pole… To them I’m alpha mommy and I’m loved.

As for the equine kingdom – Jujube loves me, and knows I’m alpha something. Lucky tolerates my presence because I usually carry bribery in the form of carrots or apples. My hair, being tightly coiled in a bun is also highly sniffable, because you never know if that thing on my head is a snake or an apple. Mabel doesn’t take any shi*t from anyone or anything – she puts up with alpha male Brian because he rules the feed bucket. Like me, she is likely near menopause, so we have our grouchy days… I’m not alpha anything to Mabel, I dare concede, but the barn kingdom is beneath me, so I leave that to Brian.

After a lengthy client-filled Saturday, we endeavoured to have a family day together on Sunday... It was so beautiful outdoors. At one point the thermometer read 28 degrees Celsius - we had the air conditioner on in the van. It was bright, people seemed happy and the Hanover park was filled with sun worshippers. I was surprised to see standing water in the park, but that didn't deter visitors there.

While shopping I even broke down and got Angeni a Game Boy Advance game about Zelda. It was not bedroom cleaning bribery... really... it's because Zelda is a warrior princess, alpha female like Marg Delahunty or Wonder Woman, or well... me. Yes, I am the Viscountess of Varney. Alpha Female extraordinaire, lover of fine weather... So we did some needed shopping, drove the main street of Neustadt because I deemed it necessary, and bought grass seed... Brian and Angeni sowed some of that last evening, in advance of the rains today.

With all the alpha female peeing on the lawn, we gotta have fresh grass.

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