Chippies

Our resident striped racing rodents, the chipmunks, don't have it easy around here... they are the target of choice for Mr. Bill (the cat) and Starr. Spunky and Max dip into the chippie reserves from time to time, so cannot voice any denial. Coming home tonight we attempted to save a young chippie from Bill, only to have Starr scoop it. It was alive, so I called him to give it to me. He came to the van, and with prodding, relinquished it. The poor thing had the presence of mind to hide under the van, beyond teeth range... all the offending carnivores came into the house with us, so that solved it's problem, at least for now. I didn't seem outwardly too injured, but that's hard to tell...

The I'm shocked at the murder-suicide of Chris Benoit and his family. I would not be surprised if steroids were involved, although the WWE is upset with the media for reporting it was 'roidrage. The psychological effects of steroid use are life-long, in some cases, and mental breakdown can happen years after their use. Anyone whose had chemo or similar knows how that works. In young athletes whose bodies haven't always reached their adult proportions, the effects are devastating - there is joint damage, adrenal alteration, and effects on the reproductive organs. Mentally, the psychoses tend to lean toward paranoia and rage, and thinking becomes warped for the long term, at the very least involving generalized anxiety. WWE are saying his actions were premeditated based on the fact his wife was bound, and probably dead at least 24 hours when he killed his son, and then 24+ hours later he killed himself. He even placed Bibles with them. They claim he was clean for steroids in April, when tested. Well, this could have come from use years ago, and WWE was a part of the infrastructure involved in that early drug culture. Chris had a phenomenal career, but his legacy is shattered by this event - he is likely still a murderer.

Back to reality - Angeni has one more day left of school. Wow this year has flown. I look forward to having that family week off from Thursday until next Wednesday - with all we've been through the last 6 months, we need time together as a family. Better hope there are some chippies left to commune with...

Blog problems

I've been experiencing problems with my blog at sign-in. Every time I try to access my account, blogger says I don't have a valid email address - that's silly. So it's taken me a bit to retrieve my account...

Slowly my grief over Pooky's death has mellowed, and I'm beginning to smile again... Nonny had a positive surgery on Friday for her metastatic breast cancer (kitty mastectomy) and it's as if nothing every happened to her. She came home on Friday afternoon, very nonchalant, as if she'd been to the hairdressers for a new do; she stretched as she got out of the crate, ate like a pig, and resumed her normal daily activities. At 16 I marvel at her genetics and longevity, as she shows no signs of typical geriatric feline problems, according to the vet's tests. I'm not forcing her to eat the senior wet food - none of the cats will eat it, and it's a waste of money to feed it to the dogs. So, in her senior years, let Nonny eat what she wishes...

We had a powerful and successful inipi/sweatlodge gathering and feast on Sunday, to coincide with our Midewiwin group. It was well-attended, and things went smoothly - we thank Dave, Denise, Robert and Philomene for their assistance in advance to help with the preparations.

Our workload has not abated for several months - meaning we are going 7 days a week. Although we have distance channelings to do, and I have a few necklace orders I should do, Brian has announced that tomorrow is a day "off", more or less... We have clients here Wed morning, so we'll do the channelling in the afternoon, then plan a whole week off from the 28th to July 4th - we'll be here, but not doing clients... It's a week to acclimate to Angeni being home from school. The house is still clean from the weekend, and the laundry is caught up, so tomorrow will be a day off, indeed. If he hadn't demanded it, I'd have plugged away at working.

Actually, during the Canada day weekend, I'd like to fire up the sewing machines and do some needed repairs, finish a Metis ornamental shirt that's languished, and start a new quilt. At the cottage I persevered to begin knitting a sweater for Angeni (Aran style, cable knit cardigan) and I'm enjoying that immensely, although it reminds me of being with Pook at the cottage... I'm turning that into a different paradigm... I'm knitting the memories of Pooky into that sweater. In this heat it seems like an odd time to knit, but I like taking it with me in the car... good stuff.

I'm caught up for awhile with my medicine making, having created a batch of sacred cedar oil for an American client. I got the novel idea to dip the lids in bees wax, so the jars won't leak in transit. I remember my grandmother sealing pickle jars that way... I've got hummus still there, pesto, and a huge batch of fresh calendula cream so all is well until our new crop blooms. The healing necklaces are flying out the door faster than I can make them... I don't know whether it is that they are channeled for the specific needs of the person, or that they are all crystals or what, but I just can't keep ahead. I'm thankful Robert can do custom shopping for me in the big city, so we get just the right specimens. Brian has a number of pictures he's going to post on the website.

I'm sorry to see that the wrestler Chris Benoit died - apparently he killed his family then himself. I believe it's the pressure of that business frankly, and the ruthlessness of the promoters - they treat their stars like machines, and Chris must have caved. My heart goes out to their families...

If I'm not back before Canada Day - have a good one!

Passings

My little Pooky who shared my life almost 15 years passed away Monday night at 8:55 PM - peacefully, with all of us attending and comforting. She is now buried with the other animals - Spike, Ethol and the original Max (big brother to the black Newfoundland dogs). I have been heartbroken now for weeks as you know, and crying like never before, even when my parents passed... I will miss her unconditional love. As a minister I've done many funerals and memorials, and have kept my wits about me, but this was beyond painful - I have had anticipatory grief for weeks and today I am numb. Brian built a little casket a couple weeks ago, and Angeni donated one of her receiving blankets. Philomene gave Pook a pink rose quartz and we put in her Dino toy and a chewy rawhide. Because of the rain, we buried her quite quickly that night, because things were ready - I didn't want the hole filling with water during the thunderstorms. It happened so fast I forgot to cut a lock of her hair, like I did with Pepi and Ethol.

I'm sure Brian is sick of my tears, but I have a life-time's worth of pain to shed... And yes, Pook has been a great catalyst of healing for me at so many levels. While Brian read Angeni stories for the last 45 minutes Pook lived, I had been holding her, but she wanted to be on her own beside me on the couch. She spread her front legs to widen her chest cavity. I just kept talking softly and gently - I went into strength mode and had no tears then. She looked into my eyes most of the time - she was lucid right to the end.

I thank Liliana for expressing her condolences - she asked who we'd been consulting about whether to euthanize Pook. Well, we talked to the vet repeatedly, other elders, our native healing group and Pooky's spirit guides/teachers/angels - whoever we felt would give us educated, thoughtful, objective opinions on the best course of action. Since Pook had no pain, and her passing was peaceful, we are comforted in knowing that we did what she wanted, in a good and sacred way.

Last night I was scratching Nonny Cat's belly when we were snuggled in bed, and found 2 lumps around a nipple. A quick trip to the vet gave us a tentative diagnosis of metastatic mammary cancer, with a good prognosis. She'll require surgery, but the vet is waiting for the results from blood work she took this morning. Apparently the lab will have the results by tomorrow! Nonny is 16 but in phenomenal condition otherwise - barring problems like diabetes or high creatinine levels, we should be able to proceed with surgery early next week, or maybe even Friday. In the meantime I'll start her on shark cartilage capsules to hasten the encapsulation of the tumours and give the vet a a better surgical session. I hold out hope that we have our Nonny yet awhile.

Angeni had her first long-distance school trip yesterday to the African Lion Safari, south of Cambridge. It was a stormy day for most of the time she was away, so the kids couldn't do a boat ride that was scheduled. She had a great time anyway, and managed to shoot a whole roll of film. I haven't been to the safari in probably 25 years or more, so it will be great to see how it has changed.

I'm having a quiet day - doing office work and getting the housework up to speed. This weekend we have a gathering of the community for our annual summer solstice sweatlodge (inipi) on Sunday. It is a wonderful event, but lots of work. Better get back at it...

Been away...

What a whirlwind two 2 weeks I've had - been away for 4 1/2 days to a cottage - had the van die there en route home, and have been ensconced in heavy client/channeling requests. All the while, my dear little Pooky is dying... she isn't suffering, but stopped eating on Tuesday. She's still drinking water and responsive, even standing and taking a few steps. Every day she visibly declines. I keep asking Brian to channel and see if she wants to be euthanized, if she is indeed suffering. Every time the answer comes back a resounding "No", that she wants to stay with us, and pass here at her home. It is her choice, and we respect that... we're just keeping her comfortable. I cry a lot...

In the meantime, as we have Father's Day tomorrow, I am also hosting a birthday party for my friend Philomene... We expect Pooky will probably pass sometime tomorrow and we are prepared. Ethol passed on our 10th anniversary, and Pook will probably pass on Father's Day/Phil's birthday. A bittersweet transition.

It's hard to believe that Angeni has 8 school days left for this year - Grade 3 is almost complete. On Tuesday we drive her in to school 90 minutes early so the kids can enjoy a bus trip to the African Lion safari in Cambridge. Angeni really wanted one of us to attend, but we cannot due to work. We will be there at 5 PM to pick her up, and I imagine she'll be wired... We took her out of school yesterday to visit my sister place in Sauble Beach. They gave us some firewood to start the process for next fall, and we had a good chat. My sister and I are transcending some old childhood wounds that have plagued any intimacy in our relationship. This time of healing gives me a sense of getting something back - my sister - when I'm also losing my dog. When one door closes, another one opens...

We're beginning the process of prepping for summer solstice inipi on Sunday the 24th... Fences come down, lawns get cut, cedar gets gathered and wood is chopped. It takes us a good week to get this event ready...

Send your prayers for my little dog...

Rain, rain keep coming!`

Wow, the calendula grew before my eyes today - literally. I actually watched for about 5 minutes to see the tiny shoots stretching in the rain. This amazed me... The day was freaky in more ways than one... got the oil changed and tires replaced on the van in Guelph. Had to - no more waiting for Brian to get a day off, which happened because of the rain. Pure serendipity. So I took my sewing machine into the place where I purchased it in Guelph since the dealer could see us today... this is an important and expensive machine that I have missed using for 7 months... Turns out they could fix it during our wait for the van... so I could return home with my machine, and no waiting, no return trip to Guelph just to get my machine.

Tomorrow the van gets a trailer hitch/ball so Brian can tow the utility trailer. This is not very exciting, but a farm necessity. It means Brian can retrieve some fire wood gifted from my brother-in-law... this is a head start for next winter.

I'm going away for a few days at the end of this week... I'm having a sense of child-like delirium over the opportunity to be in the shaman's place - where earth and sky meet rock and water. This is a wonderful gift from an old friend. I never got away anywhere in 2006, and I dearly need to...

It amazes me how many people we know are having marital woes... I wrote this to a friend just the other day:

"If you'll indulge me a moment of philosophizing on marriage... having divorced and counselling others all these years, I have learned a few things about this "trial separation" period, and the facilitation of repairing relationships - whether the marriage survives, a couple will need to have some relationship around any children they've birthed... and it should be a healthy relationship."

"Having young children is stressful and other issues (like being unemployed) add a horrifying dimension... If the couple can find a counselor who understands how to help them do a forensic audit (so to speak) of their relationship, they need help to find the real issues. We all have surface (read conscious) issues, but getting to the truth of what is ungluing a relationship can be eye-opening. A good facilitator will help the couple start by seeing that when they were first in love, the pendulum swung one way - now it's in the opposite direction because of stressors, and they may have lost sight of the person they married. A good facilitator will begin with having them dissect what is GOOD in the marriage, then eventually see where it has broken down... if it can be saved, they'll collectively come to that point. What I find most people do is throw the baby out with the bath water - they see the few hundred dollars and inconvenience of counseling as a waste, or somehow unattainable. it's quite the opposite - divorce is really, really expensive. Marriage counseling is worth it... If there are substance abuse or addiction problems, they need to be addressed, for sure..."

The Thunderbeings roar, so the computer needs to be shut down - stay well.

The things we do for love...

My apologies to Sir Paul McCartney... We've continued to nurse Pooky, and got Angeni through a cold that didn't turn into pneumonia, planted more garden stuff and rearranged same, had clients out the yin yang, and generally coped with our shamanic gathering at the end of May... I really find that busy is good, but too busy makes Kathryn a cranky old bag - especially when I miscarry a pregnancy all within this busy time. It makes for a nauseating ride on the roller coaster of hormones.

The temperature reached 35° C at different times today - a humid extravaganza for May. The mosquitoes are really bad this spring - larger numbers than we've seen for years. The equines spend a lot of their day in the barn, fending off the flying vampires. I commiserate, since I'm housebound with the kamikaze biters.

I've had a run on sacred healing jewellery requests... this has come out of the blue, frankly. I used to make a lot of healing jewellery, especially necklaces, but after Angeni was born we just didn't get back into it at all. Suddenly, 8 requests in 2 weeks - this has meant scrambling for raw gem stock, and I thank Robert for searching out semi- and precious stones to fill in my inventory gaps. We channel what will work the best for a person's issues, be they physical, emotional, intellectual or spiritual, then stone-by-stone, lay out the beads. I'm working with materials like "tiger tail" which I love - this wasn't available when I first did jewelery. Tiger tail is wire coated with nylon and is much stronger for the weightier crystals. It is flexible and makes for a neater finish. This is satisfying artistry, and I love the finished products - every necklace is so unique. Eventually I'll get back into creating the bracelets and earrings... Brian is posting pictures on the website www.moonstarlodge.com if you want to see my babies!

Angeni never ceases to amaze me... Lately she's been talking about/questioning the function of a dreamwalker in altered states of reality and parallel universes. She has attempted journeys to get her own soul fragments back - that she understands (even though in a limited way) the nature of these alternative realities is quite mind-boggling to me. Her questions necessitate I review and fine-tune my awareness of these concepts - I'm going to be forced to be on top of my metaphysical game as the years go by... perhaps this will keep me from becoming complacent. If nothing else our children keep us young at heart...

I feel the tug to go away by myself for just a few days... I need to rejuvenate my soul at the shaman's place - where earth and sky meet rock and water. The thought of leaving Pook at this tenuous time in her decline gives me great guilt - I would hate for her to pass when I am away. At the same time, she has loss of bladder function and keeps us up half the night, which is what I need a break from... I couldn't let her pee on the floor at someone else's place. What if she died at the cottage? Also, we have air conditioning here, and not by the water - a lot of variables, and more not mentioned. It's a tough call, to be sure.

The mother and father bird, practicing tough love, force the babies from the nest when it's time to fledge - there are elements of this with people and situations in my life at so many different levels... The things we do for love indeed!!

Laundry & Mosquitoes

We're fairly sure now that with whatever happened last week, we'll not be laundering diapers anytime soon (until Angeni gets married and has kids), but I do have to go through another test in a few weeks... for several days the Impregnator went about the house looking rather pale and zombie-like, at the very thought of more little feet tramping about the house....

I did laundry very early this morning and it should have been out on the line by now. I'm stalling, nay, procrastinating actively to avoid the sting of mosquitoes. It is supposed to be the warmest day of the season (so far), and the little blighters fry in the direct sun, so I've thought of waiting until closer to noon so I'm standing in direct sunlight. I got bit last night, and within about 4 minutes the swelling was the size of a saucer - Brian was astounded at the mess of my legs. Already I've had several indoor kamikaze attacks and am using up the "After Bite" solution. Brian is out in the bush wiring fences for a neighbour, and I don't know how he stands it, as he has no shelter from bugs while in the fields. We're using a natural-style repellent, so as not to be exposed to DEET, but it is a losing battle. We've tried it all - Avon Skin-So-Soft, tea tree oil, mixed oil repellents and more - short of bear fat, which a healer friend Eugene uses. With my luck, I'd attract a big old bear looking for love in all the wrong places... with every summer season the Gulf Islands look more and more appealing...

I have so many other things to do, but alas, I feel guilty about the laundry and don't want it to moulder... perhaps putting on my jacket and a mosquito net over my face will do... and that minty green stuff making me smell of... hmmm.... whatever.

Long weekends in Varney

It was an absolutely gorgeous day yesterday (Saturday) of this Victoria Day long weekend... I was thrilled to see how much gardening Brian managed. He is in the throes of transferring the remaining plants from the medicine wheel into the raised bed, and planting some calendula. I am glad we can save our two historical roses (a rosa ragosa and Carolina wild rose) as the rose hips make fabulous medicines... The giant garlics are happier being thinned and separated. Today, the sun stayed away, and the high reached only about 9 degrees - this felt like winter compared to yesterday. It kept the bugs down, and Brian felt more comfortable working outside. For me, I've had to put the furnace back on for the evening... He is so handy, managing to fix tires on the lawn mower, doing the engine rebuilds, and replacing broken parts. I admire his litany of practical skills.

I got back into jewelery making this weekend, having received 3 custom order requests all at once. It was quite a shift for me, as I had a lot of sorting of supplies before I could actually do the necklaces, but I managed the custom orders, and did up a couple for sale here at the lodge. It is interesting that I do my artwork in fits and starts - sometimes I'll go on a quilting jag, sometimes knitting, and other times nothing at all - it's been nothing for awhile. However, this has inspired me, and I'm right into fixing a few broken necklaces of my own and feeling like I'm accomplishing "artfully" again. Channeling what goes into the necklaces to benefit the purchaser is an interesting sidebar - sometimes the guides and teachers get very specific about exact stones, and other times it is up to my aesthetic. Interesting collective process... Tomorrow I have some mending to do, and will proceed with hemming some pants for Angeni and myself. Not as creative a process, but I do have to be in the mood to do that kind of sewing.

Pooky hangs in here... since April 5th when the vet wanted to euthanize her, she has gotten desperately sick 3 more times, and each time has rallied herself out of it... I was sure that on Friday we'd lost her. I called Brian home from work to help me deal with her... he even built a coffin. She was collapsing and non-responsive at times, yet after sleeping a bit, and being given some IV fluid, she is profoundly better - eating, drinking, urinating, and all the things I know she needs to do to stay alive. This rhinoceros spirit she possesses will not let her falter. Clearly, as she nears 15, she isn't going to have some miraculous rebirthing, but I'm trying to keep her passage as natural as possible, without using the vet's death drugs. I think the Friday problem was an intolerance to her diethylstilbestrol, so we're stopping that from now on...

Angeni has the spring cold I had a couple weeks back. It seems to be staying as a cold, and not going into her lungs. We're glad of this, and pleased her immune system seems improved.

I hope you're all enjoying this first long weekend of summer (unofficially).

Spring Haiku

Dandelions glow.
Deer flies Black flies Mosquitoes,
Smack them off me please.

Laundry smells warm breeze,
Barbecue glints ready rust,
Fanning fires water.

Rancid dog breath goo,
Swamp-wet gleefully stinky,
Dog paws sewage dreams.

Alright, I won't quit my day job. We've had a pregnancy scare and that makes me loopy. One can't drink one's way through a pregnancy (not that I would), but the initial horror of that wee surgical snip slip has my head reeling and my heart pounding. I never thought at 50 years old I'd be buying a pregnancy test kit. Angeni has been asking for a brother or sister - and we've given away almost all her baby things. Oh dear... Pass the smelling salts...

Mother's day has suddenly taken on a very different meaning this weekend!

The Rites of Spring

Most years a bit of rain and thunder are welcome in the spring, especially when we've had no precipitation for over a week - the grass greens up, the flowers rejoice, and the bugs stay away from the equines. Something about last night's storm must have bothered our horses because this morning the temporary fence was broken down (and through). When seeing this, Brian high-tailed it to the barn, to see if the horses were there - indeed, all heads are accounted for, mercifully. With Mabel being blind, a nighttime romp through an electrified fence could have spelled disaster!

Pooky still remains with us, although her transition seems to be nearing. She is comfortable, eating and drinking, and still asking to go with us in the car. She's pretty much nailed to my hip, and doesn't want to settle upstairs at night... hence I am still sleeping on the couch with her. Unfortunately her bladder control isn't what it used to be, so I do an awful lot of laundry. Like the old ones, she naps most of the day, so she's ready to perk up at bedtime. I could use a nap right now, and may join her...

As spiritual beings, temporarily inhabiting human bodies, I'm amazed regularly at how little some people understand about soul and spiritual progress. It seems to be that any talk of spirit hints at death, and we are so death-phobic in the West that heads go in the sand, like quaking ostriches, at the mere subject. It's unfortunate. I run into some interesting cases of hauntings where people in their spirit bodies are still afraid to move on... and they terrify humans in the process. We just aren't meant to share space with those who won't go on into the light.

Looking forward to clearing skies and a beautiful weekend. Peace.

Bounteous Beauty

The forecasts of 13 degrees each for Saturday and Sunday were far surpassed - both days it hit 19 degrees. We've struggled to catch up with farm/property chores with Brian working out at another farm for the past couple of weeks... This weekend, despite the early dates, I wanted to finish the flower planting while we are in 3rd quarter of this moon cycle... in Native tradition we never plant in 4th quarter, just weed, prune, prepare beds and such... Brian is away again next week working off-site, so I needed his help. Next weekend we are in the middle of 4th quarter so no planting next weekend...

We rooted through the greenhouse for pots and salvaged 3 larger clay jobs which are all now full... It took an additional mid-afternoon trip into Hanover to purchase additional violas and pansies, but we managed to get the exact right amount. A friend gave me some ornamental pansies in a hanger, and we needed a second hanger, so we picked one up... The porch entry area is now beautifully adorned with lots of colour... even Angeni planted a clay urn this year... I'd like to instill my green thumb on her...

The downside to early warm weather is BLACKFLIES. Geez, the fargin' bastards swarmed me this afternoon and evening. I begged off bringing in the laundry... my testosterone-filled husband isn't as delicious as his premenstrual, A- blood type wife, so he has taken pity. I bailed on him when the last planter was done, leaving him to the laundry and watering-in our flowers. It is the bug season, if somewhat early. The equines are suffering with biting flies as well, poor things. Brian did some temporary fencing today which allows them grazing space on the lawn. They love this grass. It means my dear little donkey is just a few feet away for neck scratches and donkey kisses. When he puckers up there is no internal visual of Brad Pitt or Eobbie Robertson, but that's a cute ass.

Had she lived my mother would have been 86 today. She was really present at the anniversary of her passing on March 24th - setting off alarms and generally spooking the dogs. I send her love and light... As the years go by the hurtful memories ease, and time heals those old wounds.

I plan to enjoy this wonderful week of sunlight that's forecast!!

Full Moons and Mischief Makers

I'm awake at one ungodly hour, having started to bed some 3 hours ago, thanks primarily to my dog Starr and his need to co-ordinate the social happenings of the neighbourhood, in his managerial best style... I'm not impressed. He nearly knocked me down the back stairs to get at some invisible thing outside, and I've waited all this time to get him in... I had resolved to teach him a lesson and leave him out all night, but the other issue I have pertains to my cold/sinuses, and they're keeping me upright. Sooo, he's in (sleeping) and I'm up - what's wrong with this picture?

I might as well have gone out and danced naked around the May pole, as that would have made this month a tad more fun... I developed a cold on May Day, and it is in full bloom right now. Mercifully the sun has shone these past two or three days and this trend will continue well into next week - I look forward to this fine spring weather. It's allowed Brian to do some outdoor work for the neighbour, and I've worked at home... the perennials are blooming. I'll plant the calendula this weekend.

I ordered some walking poles from a store in Walkerton, and got them today. I read about these special poles as a thing to use for weight loss and daily power walking - they take some of the stress off feet/knees/hips to allow one to walk for a longer time. This particular pair has spring-loaded tips to help with the recoil and this apparently amplifies the momentum. It features 3 sets of tips - basket tips for snow shoeing, some for mixed terrain hiking, and a narrow set which I'll be usually for the most part. My reason for using these is to see if I can ease the pain from plantar fasciitis when I walk - right now this is a serious problem.

On a different note, we have a friend... I'll use an alphabet letter for her name... Hmmm... How about "D"? Sounds good... Well, D has been travelling of late... not my best communicator, unless you include passing internet jokes via email. She is indeed a mischief maker, like Starr. Past 70, with fairly serious health issues, D reminds me of the teenager who has that sense of infallibility who says "Nothing can happen to me - I'm above danger." While life is short and I applaud her tenacity at going for what she wants and living life to the fullest, I'm also concerned that her fearlessness is going to get the better of her this trip, and that she's already in over her head. She has a hard time hearing this, and may dismiss my concerns as anxiety - she's not a child. Still, I am hoping if the situation gets uncomfortable, she'll march on back to Durham... Homeland Security may be happier for that decision... D'mischief maker...

Angeni wants to do something fun this weekend, as a family. I'm not sure what that will include, although I appreciate her lament that we're "always working". She's right. And we're older, without much money, nor the energy and stamina to do things like Canada's Wonderland or similar. There aren't a lot of children's activities in this neck of the woods, so we'll have to be inventive, I guess. I would like to plant the rest of my violas, and Brian will get out two clay planters for the porch for me to fill with flowers. He needs to rake out the old calendula bed, and replant it. I look forward to a good crop of calendula this year. I need to make a new batch this weekend, perhaps, and I bought cilantro to add to some hummus. Calendula doesn't require vacuum sealing in a canning kettle, but the hummus does. These are relaxing activities for me, but won't be considered "fun" by Angeni, so we'll have to see what we can do for, and with, her...

I got some of those charm dangles young females are adorning their purses with, and they look quite chic, if I do say so myself. This bit of faux bling bling seems to impress Angeni - I'm not a clothes horse, girly-girl type, but I do like my purses. The charms are a nod to her generation, and I expect she'll ask for some as well... she owns purses she doesn't really use much, but this may push her to carry one now. This is the closest I've come to mischief this month.

Pooky is still with us, and holding her own. She sleeps a lot, though, but at least she's eating.

I need to shut this down for the night...

May Day

I'm glad tax time is more or less over - taxes were sent last week but I'm still needing to post the receipts to envelopes and put them away in an archive box... I am planning to make amendments to my spread sheet for 2007 and re-categorize for the ledger statements reflecting the changes in the tax form from this year... Not a big deal, but at the same time I've sorted the receipts and such for the first 4 months of 2007, allowing me to get a third of 2007 done... I hope there isn't too much of a change in the tax form if the government changes this year. And I hope the government does change this year...

Yesterday was not the day to do any of this tax/accounting stuff because it was a PA day... Including today, there are 41 school days for Angeni until the 27th of June... Yesterday reminded me of how I should not handle summer vacation... After 3 days at home, she was bored and testy by dinner time... I spent time with her doing a new chapter of a story we write together, but after an hour she tired of that, and went off on tangents...

A few days ago I invested in some violas to put in my cauldron, and I managed to save a few from last year in the house... About half the plants in the old iron kettle survived the winter and have begun blooming. Daffs are out, and a couple of tulips. I love daffodils but I don't like tulips - never did. Not much gardening happening here yet this year. Brian filled in the area under the porch windows with grass seed, and leveling stones, so all the shrubbery and flower barrels are gone... I find the entrance blah looking, but we'll dress up the porch with some baskets. I managed to salvage 2 baskets of geraniums to plant myself, and have for the porch - if they don't look right, I'll get something else.

Since early April I've started having a bit of yoghurt in the evening to help me avoid munchie attacks for carbs. So far that's working. I want to try and get some weight off, and I've ordered some special walking poles that take the pressure off joints. They're very popular in Europe and not so much here, but they're catching on... I'm not as physically active as I should be with the plantar fasciitis.

I've started sleeping downstairs with Pooky and finally I got some sleep the last 2 nights... These 2-hour nights for weeks on end were turning me into an angry, frustrated being. I am tired today, even after a fairly good sleep, but this isn't compensating for all the lost sleep... Pooky still hangs on, and seems happier that I'm downstairs... I'm not happier downstairs, away from Brian and the comfort of my bed, but I feel it's what I have to do right now... we both don't need to deal with Pook at night.

It's a dreary May 1st... the sunrise was breathtaking, given there was a clear sky at that point. Not now... I won't be dancing ribbons around a may pole or any such drama today as it's about to rain... That means Brian has a short work day, which will be nice for us to have a couple quiet hours together before the school bus arrives... I hope this cold month isn't a portent of things to come for summer weather...

Brian is off working this week, so with Angeni back in school for these 4 days, I'm home alone, working away on whatever. I'd like to hire someone to help with spring cleaning, but I don't have the funds... Varney dreaming....

Back to work... have a wonderful month!

Alpha Female

I don't care who says otherwise, I AM alpha female... when Spunky (all 112 pounds of her) steals 7-lb Pooky's tiny rawhide boney, Alpha Mommy is the one who retrieves it, eliciting an obedience that my daughter could well emulate (if she knows what's good for her...)... I do not have to resort to peeing on the lawn to assert myself, either. It is hilarious whenever poor Pooky goes out for a whiz, Spunky follows her around, peeing on the spot where Pook has just gone - sometimes 4 or 5 spots later - no little dogs will out-pee Spunky. Occasionally, Pook stands by, watching and follows Spunk, and sneaks in a final pee on the last place Spunky has anointed... Hilarious.

Maxine, well down on this totem pole of seniority, displays her moment of superiority when she decides that Starr is too close to Mommy. This means some major snarling, snapping and jockeying for position. Spunky can push herself between Max and Alpha Male, but seldom bothers with me... Spunky did take out Spike unfortunately, in a battle over a visiting female friend's attention. Spunky has since shown a penchant for poodle hatred - unfortunately targeting the neighbour's dog as well... Occasionally Spunk tries to push Pooky off her spot on the footstool, whenever we have visitors. Several liberal reprimands, and Spunky remembers her place.

Angeni, at the ripe old age of 8, is attempting to climb the power pole. At 4 and 5, most kids are at the "you are not the boss of me stage", and our daughter was no exception. Thankfully we got through that without use of medieval restraints or shackles. To her credit she's a quiet delightful tweeny, and so far, is not a problem - but the signs are there. She'll beg to do anything around the house except clean her room. Alpha females don't bribe (right?) so we have some serious negotiations, I mean discussions, about how to do the right thing. Or else. She wouldn't want me to pee on her bedroom floor, now would she?

And then we have cats… I am ALPHA KAT. Really. No possible misinterpretation of my monarchy. Nonny, who resembles Monty Python’s version of the village idiot, has no claim to any hierarchical position. Nonster purrs to the beat of her own drumming, oblivious to the machinations of other felines… She has the sweetest disposition of any cat I’ve ever met… Then Zuna Piggles, who is really second in line to Nonny by age, is the real beta Kat, keeping the unruly and despised male cats in their rightful places. The 3 males are way down that pole… To them I’m alpha mommy and I’m loved.

As for the equine kingdom – Jujube loves me, and knows I’m alpha something. Lucky tolerates my presence because I usually carry bribery in the form of carrots or apples. My hair, being tightly coiled in a bun is also highly sniffable, because you never know if that thing on my head is a snake or an apple. Mabel doesn’t take any shi*t from anyone or anything – she puts up with alpha male Brian because he rules the feed bucket. Like me, she is likely near menopause, so we have our grouchy days… I’m not alpha anything to Mabel, I dare concede, but the barn kingdom is beneath me, so I leave that to Brian.

After a lengthy client-filled Saturday, we endeavoured to have a family day together on Sunday... It was so beautiful outdoors. At one point the thermometer read 28 degrees Celsius - we had the air conditioner on in the van. It was bright, people seemed happy and the Hanover park was filled with sun worshippers. I was surprised to see standing water in the park, but that didn't deter visitors there.

While shopping I even broke down and got Angeni a Game Boy Advance game about Zelda. It was not bedroom cleaning bribery... really... it's because Zelda is a warrior princess, alpha female like Marg Delahunty or Wonder Woman, or well... me. Yes, I am the Viscountess of Varney. Alpha Female extraordinaire, lover of fine weather... So we did some needed shopping, drove the main street of Neustadt because I deemed it necessary, and bought grass seed... Brian and Angeni sowed some of that last evening, in advance of the rains today.

With all the alpha female peeing on the lawn, we gotta have fresh grass.

The Crystal Skull

We received an email from an old friend, Jim Honey, who used to be the companion to Anna Mitchell-Hedges. Anna died this week, at the age of 100, still managing in her own home. I haven't got all the details, but she was still going, and still feisty, living with a different companion. She held onto the skull for over 90 years....

Several times Jim brought Anna to our house in Guelph, along with the skull, books and a slide show. She talked about her journeys into the jungles of Belize, with her adopted father... The highlight for us was holding and channeling with the skull. I always got quite a buzz from the dear thing. I remember sitting on the livingroom floor, holding it, and channeling for the assembled group.

I also remember, having just moved into the Wolverton house, Jim brought a Belize shaman by the name of Leonardo Acal. We weren't in the house a week so things were rushed to prepare for our esteemed guests... People hung off the rafters, coming down the stairway into the main room, cramming to hear them speak. Leonardo brought this huge cedar bass which he played for us. It was our 1st wedding anniversary, and what better way to celebrate than a shaman and a crystal skull!!!

In recent years I've seen programmes suggesting the skull recovery story was a hoax. A fellow at a museum in England had the original receipt naming Mr. Mitchell-Hedges as the purchaser of the skull for 400 pounds... If that is true, the whole story about him letting Anna down on a rope into the rubble of a temple to retrieve the skull (and later the articulated jaw) were pure fantasy. Yet Anna, for whatever reasons, held onto her story... I could go into the dreamtime and ask the ancestors for "the truth", but I never have... I don't care if Anna needed a story to hold onto, to make her life dramatic. Frankly, the skull was, and is, an incredible entity. I fear it is lost to us now, for it will likely be put in a museum under lock, key, glass and infra-red light alarm.

I'm honoured to have had the chance to meet Anna, hold the skull many times, and know that our ancestors who carved it were marvelously skilled, connected beings. Rest in peace, Anna.

Virginia

It's been 4 days since the Virginia Tech massacre... I'm still coming to terms with the enormity of the hatred expressed at innocent people. One writer commented that the laws prevented Mr. Cho Seung-Hui from being forced to take medications or treated into a mental health institution - it amounts to his protected civil liberties. Even his school records, including grades, are being withheld from his parents for privacy reasons. The man is dead, for heaven's sake. President Bush, couldn't stay out of the mess. His opening line "Although I support an individual's right to bear arms, I am saddened at... " - I paraphrase, but he couldn't keep the politics out of his statements. I was keenly aware of the juxtaposition when a Japanese mayor - only the 4th person in office to be killed since 1945 - was gunned down by a mobster this week. Japan is so anti-gun that it is, I believe, a life prison sentence to be caught with one... whether you ever use it or not.

The mentally ill do not have the right to bear arms. While I agree that we must uphold freedom of speech and most civil liberties, the right for anyone to bear arms cannot and must not be one of them. Registered firearms for hunters should only be licensed with proof that the holder has no criminal record, and has passed a mental health exam. In that light, MY civil liberties are less likely to be taken away by someone with psychotic tendencies who fancies themselves a heroic figure. Dead is dead.

Canada has similar problems - a man named Dobson, egging for full parole after a 25 year murder sentence (so-called life) is allowed to read victim impact statements from the family 30 days before his parole hearing. The family doesn't get the reciprocal chance - they wait for his rebuttal at the actual hearing. Now, every 2 years, he is allowed to drag everyone through this process again. He savagely beat, raped, sodomized and mutilated a teenaged girl, then had the nerve to phone the family and ask "How do you like me now?"

I don't like using my blog as a political forum, but I'm venting. The pall of hurt the victims' families are bearing is horrific - it casts a psychic veil over the world. I'm disturbed at the number of "copycat" crimes that surfaced as the week progressed. It isn't safe for our kids to go to school anymore. Mr. Cho Seung-Hui was a playground bully of the worst, most evil, kind....

The sun is shining, may we all have a better week. Blessings.

Here Among the Cats...

Somewhere on the second concession, every time we pass by, I ask Brian the same question... this has gone on for years... He knows its coming...
"Honey, can we stop at the Basler's and get a kitten today?"
With a deep gulp, the colour drains from his face, and we get one of the following answers:
"Why not 3 or 4 more cats?"
"What about a couple more dogs too - the house isn't chewed up enough yet."
"Just shoot me now..."
"They're not home today, so we can't stop..." Psychically he somehow knows they're not home, and the speedometer hits 100 km/hr at this point.
I calmly remind him that Ethol indicated she would reincarnate, and that if she's sitting there in that Basler barn, waiting for us, she's going to be really pissed off.
"I don't care," he always says, then waxes philosophical with something like "Ethol hated Starr anyway, so why put her though that again."
Or he says something else, of a similar vein, while he rolls down the window trying not to hyperventilate. I know we won't get any more animals - it's just a pleasurable moment of sadism.

Speaking of animals, Pooky has bounced back to a place I never expected to see... today she walked with Brian and Spunky down to the corner where the school bus stops with Angeni... I don't think she's ever done that... Pook is eating and doing all those necessary bodily functions that had failed her for a few days. One or two more IV boluses this week, and she should be completely out of the woods, so to speak. I marvel at the Creator's gift of a little more time with my old friend.

We're working on setting a date for summer solstice - possibly to coincide with our shamanic gathering in June. It makes sense to combine the two, allowing the communities to integrate and work together. We'll run this by the group and settle on a date in the next few days. Once again, we'll strategize about having an inipi/sweatlodge.

I'm running into some boundary issues with people - it comes down, I believe, to assumptions about working in the home. Being at home doesn't mean I'm working 24/7. We chose not to have "office space" in some outside venue because that's not the aboriginal way of doing things, and the overhead costs would have to be passed on through our fee structure. If we had an office, there would be a separate telephone, and the answering machine would kick in at 5 PM - there would be no access to us when the work day ended.

Somehow, though, a few people feel that it's okay to call us after 9 PM for appointments, or to email asking my thoughts on treatment options, suggestions, opinions and more... This is a balancing act because, frankly, I don't have a secretary, and every situation calls for unique interpretation - that takes time. When advice and healing are what I do for a living, it isn't reasonable to assume I am willing to sit here answering questions and doing research for free. If the situation is serious enough to contact me, assume that the prudent thing to do is make an appointment and support the process. The boundary problems are in part a reason for us to be looking at jobs elsewhere.... If you're calling for an appointment, do so before 6 PM please, or better yet - email. Evening time is family time, and that is a boundary we're going to get really sticky about, in weeks to come. Weekends are also for family, unless otherwise posted.... Emails asking for information will be returned with the suggestion that a time be booked for consultation. No one will honour boundaries unless we do...

The weather finally improves again this week, and this is a great feeling - the laundry goes back outside again. Enough for now... here among the cats.

What a difference a week makes...

Unfortunately it is still snowing - it's the middle of April and the fields are white again... snowed the day before yesterday and although it melted yesterday, the flakes are back again. I think the whole month of April will be flaky... in more ways than one.

Pooky has come out of her renal failure - but for the Grace of the Creator, and some intervention on our part, she is eating, drinking, eliminating and even playing again!!! This was a dog who the vet wanted to euthanize a week ago today. We're still giving her some IV fluids subcutaneously every other day, to lower her urea levels, but otherwise, things have returned to her regular state of health. Clearly this isn't a total cure - Pooky is 14+ years and has terrible scarring in her lungs - but she is comfortable and much more normal. I am thankful to the Creator for this reprieve, however long or short.

On this Friday morning Brian is out working for a neighbour, fencing pastures for the arrival of some cattle. At 60, Brian is the most physically fit he has ever been in his life - the farming has been good for him. I don't envy the slogging through the bush today, though. He is installing electric fence wire, having already erected T-posts. Handling wire in wet weather is tricky.

I'm still making overtures into the working world, and things are moving along in a positive way - for now it looks like a part-time thing, which will allow me to still keep the lodge here and carry on with my practice. Anything that allows me to care for my family's needs, and keep my home, I'm prepared to do, and the bonus is I don't have to move away.

Sleepy Easter Sunday

It's so rare for Brian and I to have a Sunday off working to be together as a family that it seems strange... Pooky continues to cling to life, and she and I have spent the last 3 nights together on the couch... I'm tired, and grieving.

Morton the Easter Bunny of Normanby township visited Angeni this morning, after Barney, the bunny of Varney dropped off some goodies in Durham for her, while she visited a friend. Earlier this week Murray the bunny, substituting for the Tooth Fairy (on vacation as she was in the Caymen Islands) had visited to do the tooney/tooth switch-off. Those rabbits will be tired today...

Blessings to everyone of the Christian faith on this special day.

I've been dreading this day...

Just got the phonecall from my vet to say my little dog Pooky is in renal failure and probably won't last the weekend... I've dreaded this beyond anything I can think of, short of losing my husband or my child... Brian is with Pooky at the vet because I have Angeni home and food in the oven, so the vet is giving her a bolus of subcutaneous fluid and hopefully she'll start peeing again. Pooky has been with me so much longer than could have been expected with her lung problems, that I have been blessed with her longevity... Easter weekend - how tragic.