Friday, October 19, 2007

It's been awhile...

Not sure why, but I haven't blogged in exactly a month. Part of this is the chaos of renovations, another part is all the time and effort spent job-hunting and finally the chaos of renovations. I'm not sure what is so disturbing about all of this, but it is disturbing. A friend suggested Brian and I take the time to do our pipe together - we haven't I must admit - in nearly 4 months. One reason I don't do my pipe as often is that I also have a direct line to spook land, and for whatever it's worth, they do have some interesting perspectives. One insight is, if we had the money when we first moved in here, we'd have done all these renovations 8 years ago - wallpaper removal, painting over their smoky walls, replacing the flooring (which had holes even then), updating the bathrooms and fixing the porch. Instead we put on a roof, put in a furnace and air conditioner, and built paddocks. So, even if we don't "move" away from here, we've done what most people do, and that's update and upgrade. If we don't move it will be a clean and fresh start.

The renovations are at all levels - physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual. It's never comfortable and never pleasant. We can't find anything - beloved chatchki's are not in their places and we can't find clean clothes. Both bathrooms are nearly out of commission because of the reno's and this is upsetting. Having no water for long periods of time is a bummer. Most of my appliances are moved and disconnected. What could possibly be worse? The clients are staying away in droves... No income, big bills, and a sense of not knowing whether we have to move or not... Even with a good chat line to the beloveds, they cannot make decisions for me/us, so they stay quiet. My choices are my responsibility. I accept that....

If I push the envelope and elect to stay, one or both of us must take an outside job. Brian is almost 61 and I'm 50 - there is an invisible gray ceiling, even with the tsunami of the boomer generation changing things. I have obvious physical limitations, and this is a hindrance - whether it 'should" be or not, it is... Classes are poorly attended and there is no ministerial income, It's all very disturbing.

It is four months ago today that my beloved Pooky died and I'm still grieving.

So I guess I probably (subconsciously) haven't written because I don't think people need to read my whining on this blog. I'll write when I have something upbeat and funny to say.

Take care... Kathryn

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