Chippies

Our resident striped racing rodents, the chipmunks, don't have it easy around here... they are the target of choice for Mr. Bill (the cat) and Starr. Spunky and Max dip into the chippie reserves from time to time, so cannot voice any denial. Coming home tonight we attempted to save a young chippie from Bill, only to have Starr scoop it. It was alive, so I called him to give it to me. He came to the van, and with prodding, relinquished it. The poor thing had the presence of mind to hide under the van, beyond teeth range... all the offending carnivores came into the house with us, so that solved it's problem, at least for now. I didn't seem outwardly too injured, but that's hard to tell...

The I'm shocked at the murder-suicide of Chris Benoit and his family. I would not be surprised if steroids were involved, although the WWE is upset with the media for reporting it was 'roidrage. The psychological effects of steroid use are life-long, in some cases, and mental breakdown can happen years after their use. Anyone whose had chemo or similar knows how that works. In young athletes whose bodies haven't always reached their adult proportions, the effects are devastating - there is joint damage, adrenal alteration, and effects on the reproductive organs. Mentally, the psychoses tend to lean toward paranoia and rage, and thinking becomes warped for the long term, at the very least involving generalized anxiety. WWE are saying his actions were premeditated based on the fact his wife was bound, and probably dead at least 24 hours when he killed his son, and then 24+ hours later he killed himself. He even placed Bibles with them. They claim he was clean for steroids in April, when tested. Well, this could have come from use years ago, and WWE was a part of the infrastructure involved in that early drug culture. Chris had a phenomenal career, but his legacy is shattered by this event - he is likely still a murderer.

Back to reality - Angeni has one more day left of school. Wow this year has flown. I look forward to having that family week off from Thursday until next Wednesday - with all we've been through the last 6 months, we need time together as a family. Better hope there are some chippies left to commune with...

Blog problems

I've been experiencing problems with my blog at sign-in. Every time I try to access my account, blogger says I don't have a valid email address - that's silly. So it's taken me a bit to retrieve my account...

Slowly my grief over Pooky's death has mellowed, and I'm beginning to smile again... Nonny had a positive surgery on Friday for her metastatic breast cancer (kitty mastectomy) and it's as if nothing every happened to her. She came home on Friday afternoon, very nonchalant, as if she'd been to the hairdressers for a new do; she stretched as she got out of the crate, ate like a pig, and resumed her normal daily activities. At 16 I marvel at her genetics and longevity, as she shows no signs of typical geriatric feline problems, according to the vet's tests. I'm not forcing her to eat the senior wet food - none of the cats will eat it, and it's a waste of money to feed it to the dogs. So, in her senior years, let Nonny eat what she wishes...

We had a powerful and successful inipi/sweatlodge gathering and feast on Sunday, to coincide with our Midewiwin group. It was well-attended, and things went smoothly - we thank Dave, Denise, Robert and Philomene for their assistance in advance to help with the preparations.

Our workload has not abated for several months - meaning we are going 7 days a week. Although we have distance channelings to do, and I have a few necklace orders I should do, Brian has announced that tomorrow is a day "off", more or less... We have clients here Wed morning, so we'll do the channelling in the afternoon, then plan a whole week off from the 28th to July 4th - we'll be here, but not doing clients... It's a week to acclimate to Angeni being home from school. The house is still clean from the weekend, and the laundry is caught up, so tomorrow will be a day off, indeed. If he hadn't demanded it, I'd have plugged away at working.

Actually, during the Canada day weekend, I'd like to fire up the sewing machines and do some needed repairs, finish a Metis ornamental shirt that's languished, and start a new quilt. At the cottage I persevered to begin knitting a sweater for Angeni (Aran style, cable knit cardigan) and I'm enjoying that immensely, although it reminds me of being with Pook at the cottage... I'm turning that into a different paradigm... I'm knitting the memories of Pooky into that sweater. In this heat it seems like an odd time to knit, but I like taking it with me in the car... good stuff.

I'm caught up for awhile with my medicine making, having created a batch of sacred cedar oil for an American client. I got the novel idea to dip the lids in bees wax, so the jars won't leak in transit. I remember my grandmother sealing pickle jars that way... I've got hummus still there, pesto, and a huge batch of fresh calendula cream so all is well until our new crop blooms. The healing necklaces are flying out the door faster than I can make them... I don't know whether it is that they are channeled for the specific needs of the person, or that they are all crystals or what, but I just can't keep ahead. I'm thankful Robert can do custom shopping for me in the big city, so we get just the right specimens. Brian has a number of pictures he's going to post on the website.

I'm sorry to see that the wrestler Chris Benoit died - apparently he killed his family then himself. I believe it's the pressure of that business frankly, and the ruthlessness of the promoters - they treat their stars like machines, and Chris must have caved. My heart goes out to their families...

If I'm not back before Canada Day - have a good one!

Passings

My little Pooky who shared my life almost 15 years passed away Monday night at 8:55 PM - peacefully, with all of us attending and comforting. She is now buried with the other animals - Spike, Ethol and the original Max (big brother to the black Newfoundland dogs). I have been heartbroken now for weeks as you know, and crying like never before, even when my parents passed... I will miss her unconditional love. As a minister I've done many funerals and memorials, and have kept my wits about me, but this was beyond painful - I have had anticipatory grief for weeks and today I am numb. Brian built a little casket a couple weeks ago, and Angeni donated one of her receiving blankets. Philomene gave Pook a pink rose quartz and we put in her Dino toy and a chewy rawhide. Because of the rain, we buried her quite quickly that night, because things were ready - I didn't want the hole filling with water during the thunderstorms. It happened so fast I forgot to cut a lock of her hair, like I did with Pepi and Ethol.

I'm sure Brian is sick of my tears, but I have a life-time's worth of pain to shed... And yes, Pook has been a great catalyst of healing for me at so many levels. While Brian read Angeni stories for the last 45 minutes Pook lived, I had been holding her, but she wanted to be on her own beside me on the couch. She spread her front legs to widen her chest cavity. I just kept talking softly and gently - I went into strength mode and had no tears then. She looked into my eyes most of the time - she was lucid right to the end.

I thank Liliana for expressing her condolences - she asked who we'd been consulting about whether to euthanize Pook. Well, we talked to the vet repeatedly, other elders, our native healing group and Pooky's spirit guides/teachers/angels - whoever we felt would give us educated, thoughtful, objective opinions on the best course of action. Since Pook had no pain, and her passing was peaceful, we are comforted in knowing that we did what she wanted, in a good and sacred way.

Last night I was scratching Nonny Cat's belly when we were snuggled in bed, and found 2 lumps around a nipple. A quick trip to the vet gave us a tentative diagnosis of metastatic mammary cancer, with a good prognosis. She'll require surgery, but the vet is waiting for the results from blood work she took this morning. Apparently the lab will have the results by tomorrow! Nonny is 16 but in phenomenal condition otherwise - barring problems like diabetes or high creatinine levels, we should be able to proceed with surgery early next week, or maybe even Friday. In the meantime I'll start her on shark cartilage capsules to hasten the encapsulation of the tumours and give the vet a a better surgical session. I hold out hope that we have our Nonny yet awhile.

Angeni had her first long-distance school trip yesterday to the African Lion Safari, south of Cambridge. It was a stormy day for most of the time she was away, so the kids couldn't do a boat ride that was scheduled. She had a great time anyway, and managed to shoot a whole roll of film. I haven't been to the safari in probably 25 years or more, so it will be great to see how it has changed.

I'm having a quiet day - doing office work and getting the housework up to speed. This weekend we have a gathering of the community for our annual summer solstice sweatlodge (inipi) on Sunday. It is a wonderful event, but lots of work. Better get back at it...

Been away...

What a whirlwind two 2 weeks I've had - been away for 4 1/2 days to a cottage - had the van die there en route home, and have been ensconced in heavy client/channeling requests. All the while, my dear little Pooky is dying... she isn't suffering, but stopped eating on Tuesday. She's still drinking water and responsive, even standing and taking a few steps. Every day she visibly declines. I keep asking Brian to channel and see if she wants to be euthanized, if she is indeed suffering. Every time the answer comes back a resounding "No", that she wants to stay with us, and pass here at her home. It is her choice, and we respect that... we're just keeping her comfortable. I cry a lot...

In the meantime, as we have Father's Day tomorrow, I am also hosting a birthday party for my friend Philomene... We expect Pooky will probably pass sometime tomorrow and we are prepared. Ethol passed on our 10th anniversary, and Pook will probably pass on Father's Day/Phil's birthday. A bittersweet transition.

It's hard to believe that Angeni has 8 school days left for this year - Grade 3 is almost complete. On Tuesday we drive her in to school 90 minutes early so the kids can enjoy a bus trip to the African Lion safari in Cambridge. Angeni really wanted one of us to attend, but we cannot due to work. We will be there at 5 PM to pick her up, and I imagine she'll be wired... We took her out of school yesterday to visit my sister place in Sauble Beach. They gave us some firewood to start the process for next fall, and we had a good chat. My sister and I are transcending some old childhood wounds that have plagued any intimacy in our relationship. This time of healing gives me a sense of getting something back - my sister - when I'm also losing my dog. When one door closes, another one opens...

We're beginning the process of prepping for summer solstice inipi on Sunday the 24th... Fences come down, lawns get cut, cedar gets gathered and wood is chopped. It takes us a good week to get this event ready...

Send your prayers for my little dog...

Rain, rain keep coming!`

Wow, the calendula grew before my eyes today - literally. I actually watched for about 5 minutes to see the tiny shoots stretching in the rain. This amazed me... The day was freaky in more ways than one... got the oil changed and tires replaced on the van in Guelph. Had to - no more waiting for Brian to get a day off, which happened because of the rain. Pure serendipity. So I took my sewing machine into the place where I purchased it in Guelph since the dealer could see us today... this is an important and expensive machine that I have missed using for 7 months... Turns out they could fix it during our wait for the van... so I could return home with my machine, and no waiting, no return trip to Guelph just to get my machine.

Tomorrow the van gets a trailer hitch/ball so Brian can tow the utility trailer. This is not very exciting, but a farm necessity. It means Brian can retrieve some fire wood gifted from my brother-in-law... this is a head start for next winter.

I'm going away for a few days at the end of this week... I'm having a sense of child-like delirium over the opportunity to be in the shaman's place - where earth and sky meet rock and water. This is a wonderful gift from an old friend. I never got away anywhere in 2006, and I dearly need to...

It amazes me how many people we know are having marital woes... I wrote this to a friend just the other day:

"If you'll indulge me a moment of philosophizing on marriage... having divorced and counselling others all these years, I have learned a few things about this "trial separation" period, and the facilitation of repairing relationships - whether the marriage survives, a couple will need to have some relationship around any children they've birthed... and it should be a healthy relationship."

"Having young children is stressful and other issues (like being unemployed) add a horrifying dimension... If the couple can find a counselor who understands how to help them do a forensic audit (so to speak) of their relationship, they need help to find the real issues. We all have surface (read conscious) issues, but getting to the truth of what is ungluing a relationship can be eye-opening. A good facilitator will help the couple start by seeing that when they were first in love, the pendulum swung one way - now it's in the opposite direction because of stressors, and they may have lost sight of the person they married. A good facilitator will begin with having them dissect what is GOOD in the marriage, then eventually see where it has broken down... if it can be saved, they'll collectively come to that point. What I find most people do is throw the baby out with the bath water - they see the few hundred dollars and inconvenience of counseling as a waste, or somehow unattainable. it's quite the opposite - divorce is really, really expensive. Marriage counseling is worth it... If there are substance abuse or addiction problems, they need to be addressed, for sure..."

The Thunderbeings roar, so the computer needs to be shut down - stay well.