School Break Boogey

So it is now officially a month left of summer... today is the 23rd of August and while humid and stormy, there are fallen coloured leaves in the driveway. It is a normal sign of the gentle transition to a new school year and the official end of summer on Sept. 23rd. I welcome the leaves, I don't welcome the commerce-driven, retailers' need to start putting out school supplies in July, and Fall/winter clothing by Civic holiday... there really is no need to rush the season by over 7 weeks. One regional dollar store had a full display of Hallowe'en supplies out the day after Canada Day - a full 3.5 months before it is really needed. It gives us the false notion that summer is ending soon and we're missing something. Our lives seem driven by the materialistic rush directed by retailers.

I don't call the school year start on Sept. 4th the end of summer - it is still almost 3 weeks from the start of school until the end of summer. I can still barbecue, still go to the beach and still wear shorts. Anarchist that I am, I will wear white after Labour Day, thank you. What's the rush? Conscious living precludes being in the moment, living fully - it is NOT being worried that if I don't get seasonally appropriate autumn clothes for Angeni by mid-August, that there won't be any to have... Nonsense.

It is the normal time to begin harvesting and preserving food for winter. It is the correct time to make medicines and purge things that no longer serve myself or the family. Late summer cleaning, and late summer "taking stock". All in good time...

The week started out on the cool side, but has become seasonally hot and humid, if overcast. A friend commented that the protracted cold wave has inspired her to close her pool early. I hope she holds off - I think we'll have another hot spell, and her kids will thank her for not closing the pool.

Angeni is away at a friend's cottage for the night. Brian is in Holstein, working, doing seed cleaning. I'm home - alone - for about 7 hours - it's the first time I've been completely alone since I went away with Pooky in early June. That seems like such a long time ago - 2.5 months or so. She's been dead now over 2 months... I miss Pooky still so very much, but I'm almost giddy that I have this private time to myself. I think I deserve a nap....

Spunky and Skunky

My goodness - our dear old dog Spunky approaches 10 years old. You'd think that with fairly recent past experiences of skunks she would learn. Nope - the Biggus, dad's girl, Queen of the Nip Nips has not learned the skunk lesson. Within the last 3 years she got sprayed twice in the same day. Normally Spunk is a good adoptive mother, and really smart, but her skunk attacks didn't teach the black Newf pups a damned thing.

A couple of mornings ago, our dearest Spunk took umbrage with a local Pepi Lepew, and got nailed. Right in the ear. Naturally she sleeps on the floor by my side of the bed, making the past few nights somewhat difficult - she takes my breath away, literally. I can't see worth a damn, so my sense of smell is quite acute. Leaving the window open is fine until about 3:30 AM when the stupid rooster starts. I wish the skunk would douse him with stink so he'd be quiet.... I'm the kind of sleeper that needs the room dark, and some kind of noise like a fan so I don't hear other noises. It's been too cool at night for the fan, so I'm stuck with rooster noise and Spunky Skunky Stink. It's the only time I don't smell Brian and his phenomenal digestive skills.

Angeni has a birthday party to attend this weekend, and she seems to be looking forward to it. This is a new little fellow to the neighbourhood, so I hope after his party he feels integrated. We've recovered from the birthday party last weekend for Angeni, and after a week of enduring us working, I am glad she gets Sunday afternoon to be with other children. She hasn't had exposure to many kids this summer. I have a blanket to sew for her - a gift from one of her friends. I was in no rush to finish it for her, but the down-turn in temperature makes the nights chilly, so she's asking for it. I've got it all pinned so it can be sewn tomorrow, after our morning client.

Well, I guess it is time to settle in for the night - Blogger records things in Pacific time, and I'm eastern, so it's getting past my bedtime. I wish I had ear plugs, but I can't really have nose plugs. I hope Spunky learns!!!

Birthday Blowout

Well it took weeks of prep, but the 9th birthday party has come and gone... Angeni had 4 friends visit - we're unsure what happened to one child, who didn't RSVP. I was so tired by the time yesterday came, that I'm glad Angeni's godmother Kaaren and our friend Phil came to entertain. It took 3 women and one man to keep 5 children in line... Anyway, she had a great day.

We very much needed the rain today... the grass is burnt to a crisp and the trees are beginning to show stress. Although t cleared up briefly before dinner, I see more clouds, so hopefully the long-predicted storms for today are going to be a reality.

It is quite a time for intense working, and we've had a trip for meetings in Bracebridge and Gravenhurst earlier in the week. We don't yet know the outcomes of the meetings, and won't until about the end of August - this is the hard part. We can't put our house on the market like it is, but we also can't afford the debt we'll have to carry to prepare the house for sale. without a signed contract. Weird dichotomy. So we content ourselves with purging - furniture, garbage, clothing, old housewares, unwanted appliances, and more. We haven't finished 1% of the work, and not really any packing away. However, the big house trailer is fixed and ready to transport should it come to that. Many of our clients are coming for final meetings with us, in case we have to move in a hurry and can't have closure.

On another note, the night after we buried Pooky, I found a breast mass on my old cat Nonny. By the end of the week she had a mastectomy. Now I notice she's twitching a bit, like an involuntary spasm. Not knowing cat auric colours with any sense of proficiency, I can't say for sure, but I suspect she has metastases in the brain. It would account for episodes where I see her pupils dilated unequally. Her behaviours haven't really changed and she's still eating and affectionate - we'll keep watch and see how she progresses. I will miss her if it's her time, but she's done well to pass 16 years.

Jujube has a new home on our farrier's farm. The horses were bugging him a lot, and he seemed unhappy. The farrier lives nearby and has another donkey, so Jujube has a friend and a job - guarding sheep. This change came about very quickly, so we have been blessed to get a good home for him. Now it is time for homes for Lucky and Mabel, hopefully together, but not likely. We think Mabel can go back to her original stable, as the fellow wanted her last year, and Lucky will take some work. As long as they aren't turned into dog food, we're happy. Saving Lucky these past 5 years wasn't for the purpose of having him killed by someone unscrupulous.

We're keeping our fingers crossed about this new venture - keep praying for us!! Blessings to all in these dog days of August...

Heating Up

And I don't mean the weather, although I'm now really glad we've got air conditioning... The Ont. Craft Council portfolio is gone, the Canadian Doll Artists Association teaching application is in, and all our new job information. We've had such a busy few weeks. Angeni seems to be handling all the work and all the changes well, but she does have periods of being bored. I wish I could change that for her, but we have bills to pay and work to do... We have too much to do and no fun, and she has not enough to do - and no fun.

We've started purging, and that is quite the experience - furniture and appliances, old clothes, unnecessary dishes - all gone. What's gone doesn't represent 1% of everything yet to pass on. Oh my goodness this is like a tsunami of overwhelm. Brian is looking into renting a huge storage container (which are the back end of trucks) brought to the house, dropped off, and loaded by us as things get packed. Getting the best financial arrangement is going to be crucial and loading a trailer/container weeks ahead of time saves us on moving day, if a moving day comes about. So much to do, so little time, and our hands are tied until a week from now... But we're researching and looking at houses and making contingencies...

We had our shamanic gathering yesterday, and I was given 2 copies of a book in which I was published in recently. It's called "River Bundles: An Anthology of Original Peoples in the Waterloo-Wellington Region". To hold that book in my hands, and read my words was moving, and profound. Wow, I'm really a published author now! Although my writings have appeared in lots of magazines, this just feels different. I look forward to reading the writings of my peers.

We still talk of how to get a new puppy of the Yorkie-poo type (like Pooky); the average price is $750 per puppy, coming from reputable breeders. We've decided to wait until we move, if we move, and get the current stresses settle before introducing a wee one. I also need to give my heart some more time to heal. I was touched that an elderly gentleman who came for his healing appointment on Saturday gave me a $20 bill and said "this is for your puppy fund". He used to like how Pooky laid up on the healing table with him, and he missed her this time. Little acts of kindness mean so much...

We're heading into the Civic holiday long weekend. It's almost unbelievable. We're living fully this summer, and living hard - still things move quickly. Have a good one... we're going to try and relax a bit.

Dancing with Blogs

I struggle with the notion that, as a minister, I'm trying to be open, "transparent" to use the buzz word, and allow people the space and time to wrap their heads around the idea that Moonstar Lodge is changing. We near bankruptcy, and I'm not going there... I love what I do, but the past two years have shown me that we are not needed for the services we provide here. When the gas prices started inching up - at times dramatically - in the summer of 2005, we noticed a sharp decline in attendance to classes and appointments. It was this way for people coming from a distance AND with locals. The gas debacle made us all nervous, so many people clamped down, removing anything non-essential from their priorities. We sold off our llama herd and cur expenses on all fronts to meet that challenge - including not replacing our old truck when it died.

When people come for counseling and tell me that they're boxed in, and things aren't working in their lives, I tell them - without exception - to examine what isn't working from the perspective that the Creator may be telling them, not very succinctly, that it's time to move on. This could be from a job, a marriage, a family/friend situation - whatever. We've examined the timing of some recent opportunities and have decided to go after them. And while it all looks promising, there are no guarantees. I will make announcements only after contracts are signed. What would a successful opportunity mean to Moonstar? Here are our thoughts:

• The church, and all it's functions (weddings, funerals, naming, inipis) still truck on - we don't change what we do...
• Moonstar is the name of the property, like "Tara" in Gone with the Wind; there will be a Moonstar Lodge to go to. However,
• While we perform our new duties, all healing appointments and classes are stopped. Patients will be given a short period of time to make final appointments, then, if they wish, can be turned over to one of the nine shaman we work with...
  
• There will still be spiritual services at equinox and solstice times.
  
• As time permits, I will resume channeling over the internet with Skype and my wonderful computer eyeball.
  
• Should we move, there will always be people who find that we're out of reach - it happened when we left Guelph, it happened when we left Wolverton, and will happen when we leave here.
  

The long and short of it is - we have to protect this beautiful child we've been given to care for; she deserves a stable home life and a university education. By the time she finishes a basic masters-level education, Brian would be 75 and I'll be 65. There are no guarantees about our health, so we have to make whatever changes necessary to ensure that she has a bright future.

The Buddhists and the Pueblo peoples of the southwest have, since ancient times, done these beautiful mandalas in sand - the sand paintings. They gather dyes, and work out motifs, then spend long times with their creations, knowing full well that within hours and days of their completion, nature will reclaim them. Why would they go to all that trouble? Don't they have enough to do? Quite the opposite - it is a statement of acceptance that things to not remain the same. We have choices and we have a certain flexibility around how long we stick with a situation, but ultimately things will change. Fear of change is NOT our ally.

My response to gossip is to clamp down, and stop communicating. That may not help in this case, but gossip infuriates me, and was one of the reasons I left the Spiritualist community - there is no place for gossip in a church environment. People expressing opinions of sadness about our changes have every right to do so - but whether it is this month, next year or whenever, Moonstar is changing. We choose to see this as an opportunity to broaden our community and serve those who are least served. We choose to make this a healthy transition and not see it as a "loss" - we need to show Angeni positive models for accepting change. God only knows her world will spin even faster than ours has, and she'll need to learn how to cope.

To conclude, I will not speak of these things in this format, or via email again, until we know whether or not we are moving in the short term. I have no further details to give - negotiations are still happening and it will be about 3 weeks before anything definitive is determined. Know that whatever happens, it is in the best interests of those of us involved.

Try to keep cool on this day between thunderstorms!

Wild Weeks

We're 2/3 of the way through July - I can hardly believe it!! Summer is flying by, and the weather so far has been lovely, although there has been a third round of deer flies which I've never seen in 50 years. My portfolio has flown to Toronto (after 14 months) and we're working on projects for the fall. Right now the house repairs require attention as there may be a move in our near future. Brian is purging the household accumulated garbage and giving away stuff - even furniture - at the curb.

Zuna Piggles, our eldest tabby has been having some problems with the stairs, and so began urinating on the couch. She even climbed under tarps to make her statement, so we've had to get rid of the futon. Mercifully we kept our old futon, so it comes to replace the metal one - this means no more living room naps during the day, as this futon doesn't pull out very easily. I don't have time for naps right now, what with all the shifting...

We're still getting used to life here without Pooky. It's been a progressive acceptance this past month. I look forward to the time Pook lets me know her spirit is ready to return, and we'll look for her arrival, however that manifests.

Once we have our job submissions formalized this week, we'll go through the interview process, some time in early August. Angeni has her birthday party all organized and the kids have been invited. We're looking at 6 kids here on the 11th (including Angeni) and it should be fun as her birthday falls on the Saturday that we can celebrate. We can have a family celebration at the end of the kids' party.

We're off to get Zuna her own brand new litter pan, and are putting it in a place she can access without climbing stairs - I hope this works!!

What a difference a day makes!

Wow - from 36 degrees yesterday to 19 C right now - what a blessed relief! I slept so poorly because of the heat, even with air conditioning, so I'm really glad today is cooler. It still feels like another weather front maybe coming through our area yet tonight.

I've been working most of the day on my portfolio to submit to the Ontario Crafts Council, and what a walk down memory lane - pictures of Pooky as a puppy, ex-husbands and partners, old friends, me 170 pounds ago, my sister about 100 pounds ago... Angeni was quite taken aback at who all these people were, and laughed from her belly at pictures of Nonny and Ethol as kittens... She didn't recognize me as a teenager, although she recognized all the photos of her grandparents - not sure why since she never met my father.

Anyway, it is like pulling teeth to make decisions about what creations of mine to include and what to exclude. I had to update and polish my artist's statement, biography and artistic CV. There are 3 portfolio binders in all - my main one, which never leaves my studio, the one being shipped to the OCC, and a back-up, should I need one for a future organization. Brian had to print triplicate copies of recent works not photographed since last fall. This has been a labour of labour for 13 months, and I'm now facing a kick-in-the-butt deadline of the 23rd. Begrudgingly I'm back at it... I need to ship it by the end of this week so it arrives before the deadline, since Brian and I have scheduled a few days away at the cottage. I'd like it gone...

This comes on the heels of submitting a teaching proposal for the Canadian Doll Artists Association concerning some courses for their annual convention in April 2008. I have a hard gut feeling that my work isn't topical for the theme of the convention (Salsa) as nothing I do can be construed as Hispanic. The proposal development and support material took a full 2 days to create, and may actually go nowhere, but it did have some off-shoot benefit towards what I'm doing today with the portfolios. A lot of my angst reflects inner turmoil over the quality of my work, and therefore reflects low self-esteem. I guess I fear the portfolio will be rejected. That would be a tough one, although logically they displayed several of my pieces for 4 months last summer, so why would they accept my work last year and not this year? It's just fear speaking.

We haven't had time to process anymore information about Yorkie-poo breeders in Southern Ontario. With all the client and submission work there has been little time for outside interests, like researching puppies. I'm not feeling quite ready, either. I want to wait until the fall to find another wee lass to bring home. Part of the distraction is more job preparation - we could end up moving this autumn. There is so much up in the air, and the times are exciting - I feel a sense of increased energy and anticipation. It's all good, and things are unfolding as they should...

Even if we do move, my work with these various organizations stays the same, so I'd better give myself another kick in the pants and get back to work... I'm so close to having it all done...

Finally some rain...

It's nice to hear the gentle pitter-patter of rain off the steel roof... the roll of thunder is almost soothing, and not so loud the dogs can't relax. Normally Spunky cowers at the sound of thunder...

I watched a terrible show on the Waverly Tuberculosis hospital (Kentucky) last night; a show populated by B-list actors who were themselves scarier than anything they encountered. Having worked in hospitals, nursing homes and prisons, the clear hands-down scariest place for ghosts is a hospital. This program, part of a series, does nothing for proper paranormal investigation, and has little to do with anything scientific. I watched for the background and not the "stars". I believe it's called Celebrity Paranormal Investigation - watch and be forewarned! Waverly is a very haunted place and deserves better coverage - would that I could go there.

Nonny improves daily from her mastectomy ordeal. The vet said she would not normally have done surgery on a cat of 16 years, yet Nonster is in such good shape she felt safe doing the surgery. Nonny came home that afternoon, got out of the carrier, and promptly ate - if one didn't lift her up to see the shave marks, you'd never know she was any different. I am so relieved that she seems well... it's been just over two weeks, and her stitches came out last Wednesday. Her incision doesn't bother her, and she'll let me touch the wound site to check for ingrown hairs. The vet thinks she might be one of those cats who lives to 25 - I hope so. In the meantime, Zuna is peeing where she shouldn't be, and it isn't because of the state of the cat litter. It is checked every couple of days, and there are several litter boxes. Zuna has had FUS and crystals in the past, but this might also be an infection. In the meantime we must shut our bedroom door and cover the couch every time we leave. That's annoying.

Well, the frequency of the thunder increases so I'd better post this and shut down.

Nice weather

So far, July has been a pleasant month, weather-wise - it reminds me of Salt Spring Island when I was out there in 1990... breezy, mid-20's and not a lot of humidity. We're taking advantage of this pleasantness to do some family outings. Today we looked for the Durham Dam festival, and that bombed, trundled to the Flesherton Farmer's market, and ended in Markdale. There was an ice cream festival in Markdale, but we stopped at the quilt shop for me... had to have a quilting supply fix. I found some bear joints and since I have some bears to make up, I am excited to have some more joint sets.

I am trying to walk more, and my crocs help me manage to move with the plantar fasciitis being so painful. I thought they were the ugliest, silliest fad going, until I talked to some nurse friends who tell me that they couldn't last their 12-hour shift without them. I've tried them and I'm a croc fan. Angeni and Brian even have some! We need some of the funky buttons that snap through the holes to make them special...

It will be 3 weeks on Monday that Pooky passed - there isn't a day I don't think of her wistfully. There are certain things we can do now, like sleep without night lights. There are no sheets to wash in the morning, and we don't have to carry her everywhere - but despite all the extra work she was at the end of her life, we miss her dearly. I've checked with local Yorkie-poo breeders, and I am shocked that the prices are so high - $750/pup, but a contract is signed, and the dog is guaranteed free of genetic problems for life. I guess that's worth the money, but I have to put up a Puppy Fund jar and stick my end-of-the-day change in there, so I can get to $750 for the fall. Pooky has come to me once in a journey, and she was still weak, but barked at me to be picked up - she hadn't been able to bark for a couple of weeks before she passed, so I was taken aback at that. She isn't strong enough spiritually to return yet, and we'll do a shamanic journey when she is ready to take her to the kennel and have her reborn, if she wants that... it will be her choice. Whether it is Pook again, or another gentle spirit, we're looking for another Yorkie-poo. If the circumstances of the universe dictate otherwise, we might end up with a wee poodle or even a Yorkie, so I leave it open to the Creator. Whoever comes has to be female, or Spunky will take serious exception.

Angeni seems to be having an alright summer, so far... She and I spent an overnight at my sister's place in Sauble Beach. earlier this week. I ended up with a touch of gastric distress from the water - Sauble's revenge, I guess. As I reconnect with my sister, we'll head up more often and give Angeni a chance to have some family expansion - my sister is all I have left of my family. Brian and I are going away for a couple nights - alone - later this month. To comfort Angeni, she is having her two favourite people "Aunty Kaaren" and Philomene here to kid and critter sit. They'll spoil her silly. B&I haven't been away together in over 10 years, so this should be interesting.

It's a busy time artistically for me, as I have some course submissions for the Canadian Doll Artists next conference, in the hopes of being asked to be a teacher, and also I have to get my portfolio into the OCC by the 23rd for the Portfolio of Makers. This puts a lot of pressure on me this week - it's positive pressure - and the proverbial kick in the butt to expend some energy in the artistic direction. I feel enthused, even uplifted, about both endeavours.

Our gardens look beautiful and the planters really perk up the porch. I'd sit out there this evening and enjoy them, except we're having round 3 of deer fly season - that's the down side of cooler July weather. Better get back to work!!!

Chippies

Our resident striped racing rodents, the chipmunks, don't have it easy around here... they are the target of choice for Mr. Bill (the cat) and Starr. Spunky and Max dip into the chippie reserves from time to time, so cannot voice any denial. Coming home tonight we attempted to save a young chippie from Bill, only to have Starr scoop it. It was alive, so I called him to give it to me. He came to the van, and with prodding, relinquished it. The poor thing had the presence of mind to hide under the van, beyond teeth range... all the offending carnivores came into the house with us, so that solved it's problem, at least for now. I didn't seem outwardly too injured, but that's hard to tell...

The I'm shocked at the murder-suicide of Chris Benoit and his family. I would not be surprised if steroids were involved, although the WWE is upset with the media for reporting it was 'roidrage. The psychological effects of steroid use are life-long, in some cases, and mental breakdown can happen years after their use. Anyone whose had chemo or similar knows how that works. In young athletes whose bodies haven't always reached their adult proportions, the effects are devastating - there is joint damage, adrenal alteration, and effects on the reproductive organs. Mentally, the psychoses tend to lean toward paranoia and rage, and thinking becomes warped for the long term, at the very least involving generalized anxiety. WWE are saying his actions were premeditated based on the fact his wife was bound, and probably dead at least 24 hours when he killed his son, and then 24+ hours later he killed himself. He even placed Bibles with them. They claim he was clean for steroids in April, when tested. Well, this could have come from use years ago, and WWE was a part of the infrastructure involved in that early drug culture. Chris had a phenomenal career, but his legacy is shattered by this event - he is likely still a murderer.

Back to reality - Angeni has one more day left of school. Wow this year has flown. I look forward to having that family week off from Thursday until next Wednesday - with all we've been through the last 6 months, we need time together as a family. Better hope there are some chippies left to commune with...

Blog problems

I've been experiencing problems with my blog at sign-in. Every time I try to access my account, blogger says I don't have a valid email address - that's silly. So it's taken me a bit to retrieve my account...

Slowly my grief over Pooky's death has mellowed, and I'm beginning to smile again... Nonny had a positive surgery on Friday for her metastatic breast cancer (kitty mastectomy) and it's as if nothing every happened to her. She came home on Friday afternoon, very nonchalant, as if she'd been to the hairdressers for a new do; she stretched as she got out of the crate, ate like a pig, and resumed her normal daily activities. At 16 I marvel at her genetics and longevity, as she shows no signs of typical geriatric feline problems, according to the vet's tests. I'm not forcing her to eat the senior wet food - none of the cats will eat it, and it's a waste of money to feed it to the dogs. So, in her senior years, let Nonny eat what she wishes...

We had a powerful and successful inipi/sweatlodge gathering and feast on Sunday, to coincide with our Midewiwin group. It was well-attended, and things went smoothly - we thank Dave, Denise, Robert and Philomene for their assistance in advance to help with the preparations.

Our workload has not abated for several months - meaning we are going 7 days a week. Although we have distance channelings to do, and I have a few necklace orders I should do, Brian has announced that tomorrow is a day "off", more or less... We have clients here Wed morning, so we'll do the channelling in the afternoon, then plan a whole week off from the 28th to July 4th - we'll be here, but not doing clients... It's a week to acclimate to Angeni being home from school. The house is still clean from the weekend, and the laundry is caught up, so tomorrow will be a day off, indeed. If he hadn't demanded it, I'd have plugged away at working.

Actually, during the Canada day weekend, I'd like to fire up the sewing machines and do some needed repairs, finish a Metis ornamental shirt that's languished, and start a new quilt. At the cottage I persevered to begin knitting a sweater for Angeni (Aran style, cable knit cardigan) and I'm enjoying that immensely, although it reminds me of being with Pook at the cottage... I'm turning that into a different paradigm... I'm knitting the memories of Pooky into that sweater. In this heat it seems like an odd time to knit, but I like taking it with me in the car... good stuff.

I'm caught up for awhile with my medicine making, having created a batch of sacred cedar oil for an American client. I got the novel idea to dip the lids in bees wax, so the jars won't leak in transit. I remember my grandmother sealing pickle jars that way... I've got hummus still there, pesto, and a huge batch of fresh calendula cream so all is well until our new crop blooms. The healing necklaces are flying out the door faster than I can make them... I don't know whether it is that they are channeled for the specific needs of the person, or that they are all crystals or what, but I just can't keep ahead. I'm thankful Robert can do custom shopping for me in the big city, so we get just the right specimens. Brian has a number of pictures he's going to post on the website.

I'm sorry to see that the wrestler Chris Benoit died - apparently he killed his family then himself. I believe it's the pressure of that business frankly, and the ruthlessness of the promoters - they treat their stars like machines, and Chris must have caved. My heart goes out to their families...

If I'm not back before Canada Day - have a good one!

Passings

My little Pooky who shared my life almost 15 years passed away Monday night at 8:55 PM - peacefully, with all of us attending and comforting. She is now buried with the other animals - Spike, Ethol and the original Max (big brother to the black Newfoundland dogs). I have been heartbroken now for weeks as you know, and crying like never before, even when my parents passed... I will miss her unconditional love. As a minister I've done many funerals and memorials, and have kept my wits about me, but this was beyond painful - I have had anticipatory grief for weeks and today I am numb. Brian built a little casket a couple weeks ago, and Angeni donated one of her receiving blankets. Philomene gave Pook a pink rose quartz and we put in her Dino toy and a chewy rawhide. Because of the rain, we buried her quite quickly that night, because things were ready - I didn't want the hole filling with water during the thunderstorms. It happened so fast I forgot to cut a lock of her hair, like I did with Pepi and Ethol.

I'm sure Brian is sick of my tears, but I have a life-time's worth of pain to shed... And yes, Pook has been a great catalyst of healing for me at so many levels. While Brian read Angeni stories for the last 45 minutes Pook lived, I had been holding her, but she wanted to be on her own beside me on the couch. She spread her front legs to widen her chest cavity. I just kept talking softly and gently - I went into strength mode and had no tears then. She looked into my eyes most of the time - she was lucid right to the end.

I thank Liliana for expressing her condolences - she asked who we'd been consulting about whether to euthanize Pook. Well, we talked to the vet repeatedly, other elders, our native healing group and Pooky's spirit guides/teachers/angels - whoever we felt would give us educated, thoughtful, objective opinions on the best course of action. Since Pook had no pain, and her passing was peaceful, we are comforted in knowing that we did what she wanted, in a good and sacred way.

Last night I was scratching Nonny Cat's belly when we were snuggled in bed, and found 2 lumps around a nipple. A quick trip to the vet gave us a tentative diagnosis of metastatic mammary cancer, with a good prognosis. She'll require surgery, but the vet is waiting for the results from blood work she took this morning. Apparently the lab will have the results by tomorrow! Nonny is 16 but in phenomenal condition otherwise - barring problems like diabetes or high creatinine levels, we should be able to proceed with surgery early next week, or maybe even Friday. In the meantime I'll start her on shark cartilage capsules to hasten the encapsulation of the tumours and give the vet a a better surgical session. I hold out hope that we have our Nonny yet awhile.

Angeni had her first long-distance school trip yesterday to the African Lion Safari, south of Cambridge. It was a stormy day for most of the time she was away, so the kids couldn't do a boat ride that was scheduled. She had a great time anyway, and managed to shoot a whole roll of film. I haven't been to the safari in probably 25 years or more, so it will be great to see how it has changed.

I'm having a quiet day - doing office work and getting the housework up to speed. This weekend we have a gathering of the community for our annual summer solstice sweatlodge (inipi) on Sunday. It is a wonderful event, but lots of work. Better get back at it...

Been away...

What a whirlwind two 2 weeks I've had - been away for 4 1/2 days to a cottage - had the van die there en route home, and have been ensconced in heavy client/channeling requests. All the while, my dear little Pooky is dying... she isn't suffering, but stopped eating on Tuesday. She's still drinking water and responsive, even standing and taking a few steps. Every day she visibly declines. I keep asking Brian to channel and see if she wants to be euthanized, if she is indeed suffering. Every time the answer comes back a resounding "No", that she wants to stay with us, and pass here at her home. It is her choice, and we respect that... we're just keeping her comfortable. I cry a lot...

In the meantime, as we have Father's Day tomorrow, I am also hosting a birthday party for my friend Philomene... We expect Pooky will probably pass sometime tomorrow and we are prepared. Ethol passed on our 10th anniversary, and Pook will probably pass on Father's Day/Phil's birthday. A bittersweet transition.

It's hard to believe that Angeni has 8 school days left for this year - Grade 3 is almost complete. On Tuesday we drive her in to school 90 minutes early so the kids can enjoy a bus trip to the African Lion safari in Cambridge. Angeni really wanted one of us to attend, but we cannot due to work. We will be there at 5 PM to pick her up, and I imagine she'll be wired... We took her out of school yesterday to visit my sister place in Sauble Beach. They gave us some firewood to start the process for next fall, and we had a good chat. My sister and I are transcending some old childhood wounds that have plagued any intimacy in our relationship. This time of healing gives me a sense of getting something back - my sister - when I'm also losing my dog. When one door closes, another one opens...

We're beginning the process of prepping for summer solstice inipi on Sunday the 24th... Fences come down, lawns get cut, cedar gets gathered and wood is chopped. It takes us a good week to get this event ready...

Send your prayers for my little dog...

Rain, rain keep coming!`

Wow, the calendula grew before my eyes today - literally. I actually watched for about 5 minutes to see the tiny shoots stretching in the rain. This amazed me... The day was freaky in more ways than one... got the oil changed and tires replaced on the van in Guelph. Had to - no more waiting for Brian to get a day off, which happened because of the rain. Pure serendipity. So I took my sewing machine into the place where I purchased it in Guelph since the dealer could see us today... this is an important and expensive machine that I have missed using for 7 months... Turns out they could fix it during our wait for the van... so I could return home with my machine, and no waiting, no return trip to Guelph just to get my machine.

Tomorrow the van gets a trailer hitch/ball so Brian can tow the utility trailer. This is not very exciting, but a farm necessity. It means Brian can retrieve some fire wood gifted from my brother-in-law... this is a head start for next winter.

I'm going away for a few days at the end of this week... I'm having a sense of child-like delirium over the opportunity to be in the shaman's place - where earth and sky meet rock and water. This is a wonderful gift from an old friend. I never got away anywhere in 2006, and I dearly need to...

It amazes me how many people we know are having marital woes... I wrote this to a friend just the other day:

"If you'll indulge me a moment of philosophizing on marriage... having divorced and counselling others all these years, I have learned a few things about this "trial separation" period, and the facilitation of repairing relationships - whether the marriage survives, a couple will need to have some relationship around any children they've birthed... and it should be a healthy relationship."

"Having young children is stressful and other issues (like being unemployed) add a horrifying dimension... If the couple can find a counselor who understands how to help them do a forensic audit (so to speak) of their relationship, they need help to find the real issues. We all have surface (read conscious) issues, but getting to the truth of what is ungluing a relationship can be eye-opening. A good facilitator will help the couple start by seeing that when they were first in love, the pendulum swung one way - now it's in the opposite direction because of stressors, and they may have lost sight of the person they married. A good facilitator will begin with having them dissect what is GOOD in the marriage, then eventually see where it has broken down... if it can be saved, they'll collectively come to that point. What I find most people do is throw the baby out with the bath water - they see the few hundred dollars and inconvenience of counseling as a waste, or somehow unattainable. it's quite the opposite - divorce is really, really expensive. Marriage counseling is worth it... If there are substance abuse or addiction problems, they need to be addressed, for sure..."

The Thunderbeings roar, so the computer needs to be shut down - stay well.

The things we do for love...

My apologies to Sir Paul McCartney... We've continued to nurse Pooky, and got Angeni through a cold that didn't turn into pneumonia, planted more garden stuff and rearranged same, had clients out the yin yang, and generally coped with our shamanic gathering at the end of May... I really find that busy is good, but too busy makes Kathryn a cranky old bag - especially when I miscarry a pregnancy all within this busy time. It makes for a nauseating ride on the roller coaster of hormones.

The temperature reached 35° C at different times today - a humid extravaganza for May. The mosquitoes are really bad this spring - larger numbers than we've seen for years. The equines spend a lot of their day in the barn, fending off the flying vampires. I commiserate, since I'm housebound with the kamikaze biters.

I've had a run on sacred healing jewellery requests... this has come out of the blue, frankly. I used to make a lot of healing jewellery, especially necklaces, but after Angeni was born we just didn't get back into it at all. Suddenly, 8 requests in 2 weeks - this has meant scrambling for raw gem stock, and I thank Robert for searching out semi- and precious stones to fill in my inventory gaps. We channel what will work the best for a person's issues, be they physical, emotional, intellectual or spiritual, then stone-by-stone, lay out the beads. I'm working with materials like "tiger tail" which I love - this wasn't available when I first did jewelery. Tiger tail is wire coated with nylon and is much stronger for the weightier crystals. It is flexible and makes for a neater finish. This is satisfying artistry, and I love the finished products - every necklace is so unique. Eventually I'll get back into creating the bracelets and earrings... Brian is posting pictures on the website www.moonstarlodge.com if you want to see my babies!

Angeni never ceases to amaze me... Lately she's been talking about/questioning the function of a dreamwalker in altered states of reality and parallel universes. She has attempted journeys to get her own soul fragments back - that she understands (even though in a limited way) the nature of these alternative realities is quite mind-boggling to me. Her questions necessitate I review and fine-tune my awareness of these concepts - I'm going to be forced to be on top of my metaphysical game as the years go by... perhaps this will keep me from becoming complacent. If nothing else our children keep us young at heart...

I feel the tug to go away by myself for just a few days... I need to rejuvenate my soul at the shaman's place - where earth and sky meet rock and water. The thought of leaving Pook at this tenuous time in her decline gives me great guilt - I would hate for her to pass when I am away. At the same time, she has loss of bladder function and keeps us up half the night, which is what I need a break from... I couldn't let her pee on the floor at someone else's place. What if she died at the cottage? Also, we have air conditioning here, and not by the water - a lot of variables, and more not mentioned. It's a tough call, to be sure.

The mother and father bird, practicing tough love, force the babies from the nest when it's time to fledge - there are elements of this with people and situations in my life at so many different levels... The things we do for love indeed!!

Laundry & Mosquitoes

We're fairly sure now that with whatever happened last week, we'll not be laundering diapers anytime soon (until Angeni gets married and has kids), but I do have to go through another test in a few weeks... for several days the Impregnator went about the house looking rather pale and zombie-like, at the very thought of more little feet tramping about the house....

I did laundry very early this morning and it should have been out on the line by now. I'm stalling, nay, procrastinating actively to avoid the sting of mosquitoes. It is supposed to be the warmest day of the season (so far), and the little blighters fry in the direct sun, so I've thought of waiting until closer to noon so I'm standing in direct sunlight. I got bit last night, and within about 4 minutes the swelling was the size of a saucer - Brian was astounded at the mess of my legs. Already I've had several indoor kamikaze attacks and am using up the "After Bite" solution. Brian is out in the bush wiring fences for a neighbour, and I don't know how he stands it, as he has no shelter from bugs while in the fields. We're using a natural-style repellent, so as not to be exposed to DEET, but it is a losing battle. We've tried it all - Avon Skin-So-Soft, tea tree oil, mixed oil repellents and more - short of bear fat, which a healer friend Eugene uses. With my luck, I'd attract a big old bear looking for love in all the wrong places... with every summer season the Gulf Islands look more and more appealing...

I have so many other things to do, but alas, I feel guilty about the laundry and don't want it to moulder... perhaps putting on my jacket and a mosquito net over my face will do... and that minty green stuff making me smell of... hmmm.... whatever.

Long weekends in Varney

It was an absolutely gorgeous day yesterday (Saturday) of this Victoria Day long weekend... I was thrilled to see how much gardening Brian managed. He is in the throes of transferring the remaining plants from the medicine wheel into the raised bed, and planting some calendula. I am glad we can save our two historical roses (a rosa ragosa and Carolina wild rose) as the rose hips make fabulous medicines... The giant garlics are happier being thinned and separated. Today, the sun stayed away, and the high reached only about 9 degrees - this felt like winter compared to yesterday. It kept the bugs down, and Brian felt more comfortable working outside. For me, I've had to put the furnace back on for the evening... He is so handy, managing to fix tires on the lawn mower, doing the engine rebuilds, and replacing broken parts. I admire his litany of practical skills.

I got back into jewelery making this weekend, having received 3 custom order requests all at once. It was quite a shift for me, as I had a lot of sorting of supplies before I could actually do the necklaces, but I managed the custom orders, and did up a couple for sale here at the lodge. It is interesting that I do my artwork in fits and starts - sometimes I'll go on a quilting jag, sometimes knitting, and other times nothing at all - it's been nothing for awhile. However, this has inspired me, and I'm right into fixing a few broken necklaces of my own and feeling like I'm accomplishing "artfully" again. Channeling what goes into the necklaces to benefit the purchaser is an interesting sidebar - sometimes the guides and teachers get very specific about exact stones, and other times it is up to my aesthetic. Interesting collective process... Tomorrow I have some mending to do, and will proceed with hemming some pants for Angeni and myself. Not as creative a process, but I do have to be in the mood to do that kind of sewing.

Pooky hangs in here... since April 5th when the vet wanted to euthanize her, she has gotten desperately sick 3 more times, and each time has rallied herself out of it... I was sure that on Friday we'd lost her. I called Brian home from work to help me deal with her... he even built a coffin. She was collapsing and non-responsive at times, yet after sleeping a bit, and being given some IV fluid, she is profoundly better - eating, drinking, urinating, and all the things I know she needs to do to stay alive. This rhinoceros spirit she possesses will not let her falter. Clearly, as she nears 15, she isn't going to have some miraculous rebirthing, but I'm trying to keep her passage as natural as possible, without using the vet's death drugs. I think the Friday problem was an intolerance to her diethylstilbestrol, so we're stopping that from now on...

Angeni has the spring cold I had a couple weeks back. It seems to be staying as a cold, and not going into her lungs. We're glad of this, and pleased her immune system seems improved.

I hope you're all enjoying this first long weekend of summer (unofficially).

Spring Haiku

Dandelions glow.
Deer flies Black flies Mosquitoes,
Smack them off me please.

Laundry smells warm breeze,
Barbecue glints ready rust,
Fanning fires water.

Rancid dog breath goo,
Swamp-wet gleefully stinky,
Dog paws sewage dreams.

Alright, I won't quit my day job. We've had a pregnancy scare and that makes me loopy. One can't drink one's way through a pregnancy (not that I would), but the initial horror of that wee surgical snip slip has my head reeling and my heart pounding. I never thought at 50 years old I'd be buying a pregnancy test kit. Angeni has been asking for a brother or sister - and we've given away almost all her baby things. Oh dear... Pass the smelling salts...

Mother's day has suddenly taken on a very different meaning this weekend!

The Rites of Spring

Most years a bit of rain and thunder are welcome in the spring, especially when we've had no precipitation for over a week - the grass greens up, the flowers rejoice, and the bugs stay away from the equines. Something about last night's storm must have bothered our horses because this morning the temporary fence was broken down (and through). When seeing this, Brian high-tailed it to the barn, to see if the horses were there - indeed, all heads are accounted for, mercifully. With Mabel being blind, a nighttime romp through an electrified fence could have spelled disaster!

Pooky still remains with us, although her transition seems to be nearing. She is comfortable, eating and drinking, and still asking to go with us in the car. She's pretty much nailed to my hip, and doesn't want to settle upstairs at night... hence I am still sleeping on the couch with her. Unfortunately her bladder control isn't what it used to be, so I do an awful lot of laundry. Like the old ones, she naps most of the day, so she's ready to perk up at bedtime. I could use a nap right now, and may join her...

As spiritual beings, temporarily inhabiting human bodies, I'm amazed regularly at how little some people understand about soul and spiritual progress. It seems to be that any talk of spirit hints at death, and we are so death-phobic in the West that heads go in the sand, like quaking ostriches, at the mere subject. It's unfortunate. I run into some interesting cases of hauntings where people in their spirit bodies are still afraid to move on... and they terrify humans in the process. We just aren't meant to share space with those who won't go on into the light.

Looking forward to clearing skies and a beautiful weekend. Peace.

Bounteous Beauty

The forecasts of 13 degrees each for Saturday and Sunday were far surpassed - both days it hit 19 degrees. We've struggled to catch up with farm/property chores with Brian working out at another farm for the past couple of weeks... This weekend, despite the early dates, I wanted to finish the flower planting while we are in 3rd quarter of this moon cycle... in Native tradition we never plant in 4th quarter, just weed, prune, prepare beds and such... Brian is away again next week working off-site, so I needed his help. Next weekend we are in the middle of 4th quarter so no planting next weekend...

We rooted through the greenhouse for pots and salvaged 3 larger clay jobs which are all now full... It took an additional mid-afternoon trip into Hanover to purchase additional violas and pansies, but we managed to get the exact right amount. A friend gave me some ornamental pansies in a hanger, and we needed a second hanger, so we picked one up... The porch entry area is now beautifully adorned with lots of colour... even Angeni planted a clay urn this year... I'd like to instill my green thumb on her...

The downside to early warm weather is BLACKFLIES. Geez, the fargin' bastards swarmed me this afternoon and evening. I begged off bringing in the laundry... my testosterone-filled husband isn't as delicious as his premenstrual, A- blood type wife, so he has taken pity. I bailed on him when the last planter was done, leaving him to the laundry and watering-in our flowers. It is the bug season, if somewhat early. The equines are suffering with biting flies as well, poor things. Brian did some temporary fencing today which allows them grazing space on the lawn. They love this grass. It means my dear little donkey is just a few feet away for neck scratches and donkey kisses. When he puckers up there is no internal visual of Brad Pitt or Eobbie Robertson, but that's a cute ass.

Had she lived my mother would have been 86 today. She was really present at the anniversary of her passing on March 24th - setting off alarms and generally spooking the dogs. I send her love and light... As the years go by the hurtful memories ease, and time heals those old wounds.

I plan to enjoy this wonderful week of sunlight that's forecast!!