Not settling for... Hmmm. That sounds cranky, but it isn't meant to be... Rather, I am making sure that how I move in here reflects what I want and how I want the place the be... We're still without heat in about 40% of the main floor, so I can't set up my work room. It's still too cold out there.
I'm struggling with an abscessed tooth and the horror of walking pneumonia. I've taken today and tomorrow off work to allow me to heal. Other than a funding proposal to finish, I am caught up. I'm involved in prepping for a National Aboriginal Day celebration, so we can present the institution with a painting by Eve Dexter of white buffalo. Finding dignitaries to participate, and native dancers, is a trick. And expensive. We'll see how it pans out.
We're working specifically on the library and office. The office is 90% done, while the library is maybe 70% done. We need to purchase some more bookshelves and finish installing the electric fireplace to make it complete. It looks quite spiffy in there, actually. There is an adjoining bathroom - sink and toilet only - which we've managed to make look quite grand. As we separate out the stuff for a garage sale I'm amazed at what I can now let go of - solid pine end tables made in 1977 by my first husband, dressers, all our Ikea furniture, lamps, kitchen overflow and just incredible amounts of stuff. It's like an archaeological timetable of my life. I am able to let it all go.... Good, healthy stuff. There is a sense of relief, actually, it just letting things go... maybe I'm becoming Buddhist? Nah, I like jewellery too much.
Angeni is finally accepting of her new school in Penetang. This is a much anticipated adjustment. She still sees the kids she left behind as her 'best" friends, yet they don't communicate at all. The dogs have not adapted to their confinement in the small yard. The dog control officer told us of complaints he's received, so we have to tie them up until we can fence the yard. Better to be good neighbours than have happy dogs.
Better get back at it - the office won't be right until I finish it.
Thursday, April 17, 2008
Sunday, March 09, 2008
Long time coming...
It's Sunday March 9th, a week after my 51st birthday, and I'm chilling to Pink Floyd... I apologize for the loooonnnnggg time away from this blog. At the last entry we'd been to work for two weeks and dealing with extreme financial and moving stresses. I get huge numbers of emails every day, although who these emails come from has changed... few clients and more work-related tomes. So let me catch up on what has happened... These won't be in any particular order, just as they come to mind...
My lovely Nonny had to be euthanized on Monday, Feb. 25th. She had developed lung cancer, after her kitty mastectomy last June (the week Pooky died). She was cognizant of who we were, and even in weakness meowed her recognition and purred on my pillow... I had Nonny almost 17 years. She goes back to the early days when I lived with Fred. I chose her from amongst a group of new kittens at the KW animal shelter. At 6 weeks old, she was sitting there, like the Sphinx, with other younger kittens crawling all over her. To say she was mellow was an understatement. Nonny never got caught up in the household cat/dog hierarchy. Ethol, her original house mate was always "The Quoon" and kept everyone in their place. Even after Ethol passed in December 2005, it was Zuna who took over the crown. Nonny was just herself. I called her Nonny Monster, but she was always the antithesis of a monster. She was much-loved and is much-missed.
Angeni started school in Penetang on January 7th. I really like her teacher, Mrs. Ball, who watches her interactions and doesn't pressure Angeni. Mrs. Ball has a wisdom and gentle approach that Angeni needs. Slowly she is making friends - this coming March break week Angeni is going to a day camp run by the community, so there is more opportunity to meet her friends and simply play. There were a lot of tears the first couple of months, but now we see more relaxation and laughter. It was clearly very hard for Angeni to give up the only home she ever remembered. She is resilient, in the face of all the changes.
We've moved in, more or less, to this new home. There are parts of it without heat, so Brian and Del are moving forward on a boiler system to replace the electric baseboard heat we now have. There is propane here for a faux fireplace, and the hot-water heater, so we have the opportunity to go all-gas. I smell a joke in that statement, but I won't go there.... Anyway, I miss my studio space, and until the heat is in the large room on the west of the house, I can't set up my sewing or knitting machines. What I notice I miss the most right now, is making jewelery. That surprised me, when it bubbled up from my subconscious. Soon, within the next month, I should be functional in the studio - this will help me feel more settled. Of everyone in the family I am the least settled. While I miss Durham for the space and peace, I relish being close to the water. But I won't be "here" until every last box is completely unpacked.
I guess this is enough of an update for today... While it should be a sleepy Sunday, Brian has been plowing the yard for 3 hours now, and it is lunchtime. He's got his tractor back, so he's still tractor dude. If the old tractor could run on testosterone, we'd be set - Brian's reaction to the tractor is similar to "Tim the Tool Man Taylor" - grunt, grunt, grunt. Boys and their toys.
Have a blessed week, and maybe spring will peak through shortly!!
My lovely Nonny had to be euthanized on Monday, Feb. 25th. She had developed lung cancer, after her kitty mastectomy last June (the week Pooky died). She was cognizant of who we were, and even in weakness meowed her recognition and purred on my pillow... I had Nonny almost 17 years. She goes back to the early days when I lived with Fred. I chose her from amongst a group of new kittens at the KW animal shelter. At 6 weeks old, she was sitting there, like the Sphinx, with other younger kittens crawling all over her. To say she was mellow was an understatement. Nonny never got caught up in the household cat/dog hierarchy. Ethol, her original house mate was always "The Quoon" and kept everyone in their place. Even after Ethol passed in December 2005, it was Zuna who took over the crown. Nonny was just herself. I called her Nonny Monster, but she was always the antithesis of a monster. She was much-loved and is much-missed.
Angeni started school in Penetang on January 7th. I really like her teacher, Mrs. Ball, who watches her interactions and doesn't pressure Angeni. Mrs. Ball has a wisdom and gentle approach that Angeni needs. Slowly she is making friends - this coming March break week Angeni is going to a day camp run by the community, so there is more opportunity to meet her friends and simply play. There were a lot of tears the first couple of months, but now we see more relaxation and laughter. It was clearly very hard for Angeni to give up the only home she ever remembered. She is resilient, in the face of all the changes.
We've moved in, more or less, to this new home. There are parts of it without heat, so Brian and Del are moving forward on a boiler system to replace the electric baseboard heat we now have. There is propane here for a faux fireplace, and the hot-water heater, so we have the opportunity to go all-gas. I smell a joke in that statement, but I won't go there.... Anyway, I miss my studio space, and until the heat is in the large room on the west of the house, I can't set up my sewing or knitting machines. What I notice I miss the most right now, is making jewelery. That surprised me, when it bubbled up from my subconscious. Soon, within the next month, I should be functional in the studio - this will help me feel more settled. Of everyone in the family I am the least settled. While I miss Durham for the space and peace, I relish being close to the water. But I won't be "here" until every last box is completely unpacked.
I guess this is enough of an update for today... While it should be a sleepy Sunday, Brian has been plowing the yard for 3 hours now, and it is lunchtime. He's got his tractor back, so he's still tractor dude. If the old tractor could run on testosterone, we'd be set - Brian's reaction to the tractor is similar to "Tim the Tool Man Taylor" - grunt, grunt, grunt. Boys and their toys.
Have a blessed week, and maybe spring will peak through shortly!!
Tuesday, January 01, 2008
Happy New Year to everyone! May 2008 bring the brightest blessings for you all... We are not really doing a festive thing, just had a quiet evening watching other revelers. I read a good book "Eat, Pray, Love" by Elizabeth Gilbert - this is an excellent read if you like spiritual journeys. Ms. Gilbert happens to have a similar sense of humour to my own, so I'm really liking her writing style. My New Year's night contained massive heartburn, and a sore throat, so I'm laying low today. Or is that lying low? Got to dust off my grammar books.
All the animals are adjusting quite well to the new surroundings. Starr had taken to peeing, etc. in the office because when he was tethered on a long rope, he wouldn't "go" outside. We're trying to keep the dogs off the road and out of the neighbours' yards - this is a challenge. Maxine won't come upstairs, and doesn't like being left outside for long. Spunky, for an old dog, has adapted quickly and without developing problem behaviours. The cats are enjoying the new house. Bob went outside for a little while one day, and basically hid under the trailer until I called him. No further requests for outside. Nonny is sneezing. If she isn't better by tomorrow afternoon I'll find her a local vet. Zuna has bladder irritation, so I'm trying to give her an antibiotic - this is like trying to get a shark to ballet dance. Not easy. Otherwise Mr. Bill is still flying the furniture (like Snoopy flies his doghouse) and all is well.
Brian went back to the Durham house on Saturday to clean and retrieve some missing items. He ended up leaving without some of the things as he just didn't have enough room in the van and trailer. He will wait until spring to gather the remainders. It was a long tiring day made even longer by driving a round trip in one day.
It is a quiet New Year's Day. I plan to cook a roast and tidy more of the house. We bought a new stove so I don't have the psycho-stove experience any longer. For all the work its taken
We're having a bit of nasty weather with high winds and blowing snow today. I wasn't expecting this... It drops to -18 degrees overnight with a high of only -12 tomorrow. Brian says by Sunday it's supposed to be +5 degrees and rain!!! Weird winter, and I'm sick of it now. I hope the roads are ploughed - in the meantime we're back to work tomorrow.
Enjoy this wonderful new year of 2008. Intuitively it feels like a major positive year.
All the animals are adjusting quite well to the new surroundings. Starr had taken to peeing, etc. in the office because when he was tethered on a long rope, he wouldn't "go" outside. We're trying to keep the dogs off the road and out of the neighbours' yards - this is a challenge. Maxine won't come upstairs, and doesn't like being left outside for long. Spunky, for an old dog, has adapted quickly and without developing problem behaviours. The cats are enjoying the new house. Bob went outside for a little while one day, and basically hid under the trailer until I called him. No further requests for outside. Nonny is sneezing. If she isn't better by tomorrow afternoon I'll find her a local vet. Zuna has bladder irritation, so I'm trying to give her an antibiotic - this is like trying to get a shark to ballet dance. Not easy. Otherwise Mr. Bill is still flying the furniture (like Snoopy flies his doghouse) and all is well.
Brian went back to the Durham house on Saturday to clean and retrieve some missing items. He ended up leaving without some of the things as he just didn't have enough room in the van and trailer. He will wait until spring to gather the remainders. It was a long tiring day made even longer by driving a round trip in one day.
It is a quiet New Year's Day. I plan to cook a roast and tidy more of the house. We bought a new stove so I don't have the psycho-stove experience any longer. For all the work its taken
I'm enjoying my new kitchen, but have one box of utensils still missing out back. Every room is a mess except the kitchen... We've found most of our clothes, I think, but I'm missing a specific bit of native jewellery and that troubles me. I have to have my studio space up and functional by the end of March, as I'm expected to teach topical embellishment at the Doll Artists AGM in April. This means finding my stuff and making up kits.
We're having a bit of nasty weather with high winds and blowing snow today. I wasn't expecting this... It drops to -18 degrees overnight with a high of only -12 tomorrow. Brian says by Sunday it's supposed to be +5 degrees and rain!!! Weird winter, and I'm sick of it now. I hope the roads are ploughed - in the meantime we're back to work tomorrow.
Enjoy this wonderful new year of 2008. Intuitively it feels like a major positive year.
Tuesday, December 25, 2007
Christmas Day
Oh what a wild month... We moved, and I still need to find all my clothes... Boxes everywhere. No internet until Christmas Eve... I went to bed appreciating that Brian could put our bed together - no more crawling on the floor... Two weeks of futon on the floor is too much for my back.
It was a quiet day for a Christmas. No visitors, no extra guests for dinner. I still struggle with childhood memories... Angry, drunken and abusive/violent father alone in the house with 2 scared little girls because our mother was working at the hospital. The scenes play and replay, and the sense of hollowness is as fresh now as it was 40 years ago. I try so hard to make Christmas so very different for our little girl. This year with no money, no ornaments, no Christmas tree, it feels a little empty. No money to exchange gifts with my husband. At least we could get an oven and a dishwasher (all on credit) to make a reasonably good meal. I want to get the better of my ghosts of Christmas past.
I like my new kitchen arrangement. The cupboards are great, although we don't have a table in the kitchen. My old monstrous pine table is too big for the space, so we have it in the livingroom for now. Later it will morph into a sewing table when we have a smaller one to replace it...
The new job is working out quite nicely. Brian and I appreciate the really nice people we work with in chaplaincy. It makes for a peaceful oasis when working in a prison setting.
The dogs and cats made it safely. The cats are pretty much acclimated, but Starr is having some problems with keeping put in our yard. No 50 acres here. So he's having accidents in the house and dislikes being tied to a tether in the yard. Max won't come upstairs with us at night, meaning the cookie routine at bedtime has been eliminated. We're not sure why Max isn't coming upstairs. The dogs seem really worried.
We've settled in to the idea of a trip to Wasaga tomorrow as Angeni wants this Nintendo thing at Walmart. I can't imagine what kind of zoo that will be... She got some gift cards, so we'll try.
I hope the season is brilliant and healing... That peace flows through you like a stream... And love replaces everything that hurts or haunts you. A-ho.
It was a quiet day for a Christmas. No visitors, no extra guests for dinner. I still struggle with childhood memories... Angry, drunken and abusive/violent father alone in the house with 2 scared little girls because our mother was working at the hospital. The scenes play and replay, and the sense of hollowness is as fresh now as it was 40 years ago. I try so hard to make Christmas so very different for our little girl. This year with no money, no ornaments, no Christmas tree, it feels a little empty. No money to exchange gifts with my husband. At least we could get an oven and a dishwasher (all on credit) to make a reasonably good meal. I want to get the better of my ghosts of Christmas past.
I like my new kitchen arrangement. The cupboards are great, although we don't have a table in the kitchen. My old monstrous pine table is too big for the space, so we have it in the livingroom for now. Later it will morph into a sewing table when we have a smaller one to replace it...
The new job is working out quite nicely. Brian and I appreciate the really nice people we work with in chaplaincy. It makes for a peaceful oasis when working in a prison setting.
The dogs and cats made it safely. The cats are pretty much acclimated, but Starr is having some problems with keeping put in our yard. No 50 acres here. So he's having accidents in the house and dislikes being tied to a tether in the yard. Max won't come upstairs with us at night, meaning the cookie routine at bedtime has been eliminated. We're not sure why Max isn't coming upstairs. The dogs seem really worried.
We've settled in to the idea of a trip to Wasaga tomorrow as Angeni wants this Nintendo thing at Walmart. I can't imagine what kind of zoo that will be... She got some gift cards, so we'll try.
I hope the season is brilliant and healing... That peace flows through you like a stream... And love replaces everything that hurts or haunts you. A-ho.
Sunday, December 09, 2007
Anniversary Snooze
I can't believe we've been together 13 years today... and married 12 years ago today!!! One baby and a million animals later, we're still happy and still laughing. The move is a mere 3 days away and we're up to our ears in boxes. The house is painted and unrecognizable. While I'll miss this place, I have to disconnect spiritually and emotionally so it will sell... It is quite an unusual feeling to be a week away from full-time work and a regular paycheque. I think we'll do alright.
Sunday, December 02, 2007
The more things change...
Well, in my case things aren't staying the same. Wow. On Nov. 16th we got word of a new posting in the Penetanguishene area. We've painted the house, renovated the bathrooms, and packed about 2/3rds of our life. We secured our financial stuff, and generally have complete chaos in the home. All the animals are distressed. I am distressed that the outside animals won't come in on moving day, and they'll get left behind - meaning friends will have to come and get them and bring them to us... I'm trying not to put that thought out as a fear to the universe, just something to plan around.
I'm going to miss this place in Varney and all the memories: llamas, alpacas, chickens, Jujube the donkey, Lucky and Mabel the horses... We arrived with Nonny, Zuna Piggles, Ethol Louise Carnivore, Spike and Pooky, and those last 3 have passed... We acquired Mr. Bill, Max the 1st (now deceased), Bob, Spunky, Maxine, Starr and Angel Piggles... I'll miss the pines, the sense of womb-like seclusion, and most of all, the spirit of this land.
Our new jobs put us in contact with a native population that requires our services, and we'll be paid. That's kind of novel, for us. Our new home has more space in the house and fewer stairs. What we lose in property we gain in proximity to the beaches and water - a big deal for Angeni. This is a 9-year cycle that ends a distinct chapter in our lives - Angeni's early childhood.
When I'm an old lady I'm pretty sure I'll review my life and remember this home as the one I loved the most.
I'm going to miss this place in Varney and all the memories: llamas, alpacas, chickens, Jujube the donkey, Lucky and Mabel the horses... We arrived with Nonny, Zuna Piggles, Ethol Louise Carnivore, Spike and Pooky, and those last 3 have passed... We acquired Mr. Bill, Max the 1st (now deceased), Bob, Spunky, Maxine, Starr and Angel Piggles... I'll miss the pines, the sense of womb-like seclusion, and most of all, the spirit of this land.
Our new jobs put us in contact with a native population that requires our services, and we'll be paid. That's kind of novel, for us. Our new home has more space in the house and fewer stairs. What we lose in property we gain in proximity to the beaches and water - a big deal for Angeni. This is a 9-year cycle that ends a distinct chapter in our lives - Angeni's early childhood.
When I'm an old lady I'm pretty sure I'll review my life and remember this home as the one I loved the most.
Wednesday, November 07, 2007
Moody Winter
I was aghast to rise and see winter on the trees, and settled on the lawn... my calendula are covered over in a snowy blanket, so there are no more crops. I bagged the last dry florets today... I'm overcome with that gripping numb reality that says, "snow tires NOW", "get the clothespins in NOW", and who can forget "wear your boots/wipe your feet NOW"...
Experiencing the first snow is like losing your virginity... You can't say "I didn't like that, so I want to go back a be a virgin again." No matter how unpleasant the experience, you are changed... I'm at the other end of the spectrum. Winter's arrival is like menopause's arrival - cold, hard, fast and not predicted. My emotional landscape is covered in some schizophrenic blanket of crap and I easily fall and slip in it.
Like tonight. So not a stellar night to be writing anything the world will read. Except to say a dear friend, while visiting on the weekend, suggested I have too many spatulas. I countered that not all of them are for the same purpose, and I am writing a cookbook - all kitchen tools are on deck these days. She didn't believe me... she thinks I'm hoarding spatulas. Weird Al Yankovic and I are maybe the only people in the world who appreciate spatulas - he pays homage to them in a video where the protagonist goes to "Spatula World". I should apply as regional manager of Spatula World.
Maybe it's not menopause after all... maybe it's the attack on my culinary tool collection. I suggested I might take some spatulas up to the bedroom - isn't that a novel usage? My visiting friend just laughs at me, and says she misses my humour. Good thing she lives far away when I've slipped on my hormonal nightmare and landed in the sewage.
However, my husband, who turned 61 today, is knee-deep in the menopausal morass. He hasn't had a celebrated birthday. Didn't want a cake, so I baked him a pumpkin pie. It's the first time I didn't get him a card. I wasn't out, and e-cards are kinda crass - I'd rather not go there... We've worked hard lately, and it's a good thing the van needs extensive servicing in Guelph. He'll be away all day and I'll have the house to myself, to quietly work on jewelery commissions. I think a day away in Guelph and some time apart is good for us.
When he comes home, the snow tires will be on the van... I'll have the clothespins in the house, and a boot mat by the front door, with a place to wipe one's footwear. Maybe by that time, I'll meet him at the door with nothing on but a smile and a spatula clenched between my teeth. Yeah, right.
Experiencing the first snow is like losing your virginity... You can't say "I didn't like that, so I want to go back a be a virgin again." No matter how unpleasant the experience, you are changed... I'm at the other end of the spectrum. Winter's arrival is like menopause's arrival - cold, hard, fast and not predicted. My emotional landscape is covered in some schizophrenic blanket of crap and I easily fall and slip in it.
Like tonight. So not a stellar night to be writing anything the world will read. Except to say a dear friend, while visiting on the weekend, suggested I have too many spatulas. I countered that not all of them are for the same purpose, and I am writing a cookbook - all kitchen tools are on deck these days. She didn't believe me... she thinks I'm hoarding spatulas. Weird Al Yankovic and I are maybe the only people in the world who appreciate spatulas - he pays homage to them in a video where the protagonist goes to "Spatula World". I should apply as regional manager of Spatula World.
Maybe it's not menopause after all... maybe it's the attack on my culinary tool collection. I suggested I might take some spatulas up to the bedroom - isn't that a novel usage? My visiting friend just laughs at me, and says she misses my humour. Good thing she lives far away when I've slipped on my hormonal nightmare and landed in the sewage.
However, my husband, who turned 61 today, is knee-deep in the menopausal morass. He hasn't had a celebrated birthday. Didn't want a cake, so I baked him a pumpkin pie. It's the first time I didn't get him a card. I wasn't out, and e-cards are kinda crass - I'd rather not go there... We've worked hard lately, and it's a good thing the van needs extensive servicing in Guelph. He'll be away all day and I'll have the house to myself, to quietly work on jewelery commissions. I think a day away in Guelph and some time apart is good for us.
When he comes home, the snow tires will be on the van... I'll have the clothespins in the house, and a boot mat by the front door, with a place to wipe one's footwear. Maybe by that time, I'll meet him at the door with nothing on but a smile and a spatula clenched between my teeth. Yeah, right.
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