Heartbreaking news....

I am mortified to share that my little sister, Judy Coddington, died of unknown causes on Nov. 25th... It took everything I could muster to do her eulogy this past Saturday... Here is her obituary...

Coddington, Judy - of Sauble Beach, suddenly at Grey Bruce Health Services Wiarton on Wednesday, November 25th, 2009. The former Judy Arlene Gorman at the age of 50 years. Loving wife and best friend of Brad. Devoted mother of Natalie Lamb, of Owen Sound, Melanie Lamb and Jamie Lamb (friend Kristin), all of Guelph. Cherished Gramma to Benjamin and Jerry. Judy will be sadly missed by her sister Rev. Kathryn Gorman-Lovelady (Brian), of Penetanguishene; brothers-in-law; sisters-in-law; nieces; nephews; and many good friends. Predeceased by her parents Gerald and Beulah Gorman; and her father-in-law and mother-in-law Clifford and Audrey Coddington. Friends are invited to gather with the family to share memories during a time of visitation at the Thomas C. Whitcroft Funeral Home & Chapel, Sauble Beach (519) 422-0041 on Saturday, November 28th, 2009 from 2-3 pm, where a service to celebrate Judy's life will be conducted from the chapel at 3 o'clock. Cremation to follow. Donations to the Arthritis Society would be appreciated.

Judy Coddington
1959 - 2009

I didn't find out she was dead until nearly noon on Thursday... I am still in a state of shock... I went back to work today because I needed to be busy and stay on top of my work obligations.

It changes how I am approaching Christmas... As we move into this blessed season, I wish all my friends and extended family the best that the Creator shares with us. Happy December.

8 months since I last wrote!! Ooooppss... We had the same weird, brief summer that everyone else did... No travel, just some weeks off to work around the house. Angeni is growing like a weed - she's 5' 8" now, and looks like she should be in university rather that grade 6...

We're down a cat... Dear silly Bob was killed back on April 2nd. We miss the little buggar. No other new pets, although I'm still interested and researching yorkie-poos like Pooky was... I was remembering her on Oct. 30th, which was her birthday. We cannot have another dog without a kennel licence, so we cannot get another yorkie-poo until one of our other dogs has passed.

Work goes well. There are new and improved resources for the aboriginal inmates, and it looks like our community partners are coming on board to help us. As our duties increase, our time on the floor decreases, so it is important to have community support volunteers to assist with the existing circles. We have the opportunity to expand things greatly but only with enough bodies to fill the support roles... October was a busy month of travelling. I managed nearly a week in North Bay for a NILO conference, and just this week returned from Jackson's Point. There I participated in an Ontario Multifaith Council conference.

In the meantime, we didn't do medicine wheel gardens here at home, but did manage some wonderful gardens around the front of the house. There was a lot of reconstruction of the yard as well as the house, so we couldn't do much with medicine gardens. We did have one at the jail. So much renovation, though... a new roof, insulation of the basement, new windows and double doors. Also, another fireplace in my studio, new walls in the studio and new drywall in the garage. The floors in the upstairs are all replaced and the "other" bedroom is now a beautiful wolf den, ready for guests with a fireplace. The library, now finished, is a wonderful resting area, and Brian finished that bathroom... Now it is my studio that remains to be plastered and painted... When it is finally all complete I will have a comfortable, neat place to work. Right now I'm in my jewellery making mode. It's what appeals to my creative self...

Guess that's all for now... Have a good November!!

Wow... I could have had a V8

Okay, so I've been away from this for awhile... Lots happening in my life, but I have no excuse for neglecting this blog... It's my birthday today, so I thought I'd clean things up.

Our work is going well, and we're doing a lot of programs with the aboriginal offenders. We've connected in a meaningful way with the aboriginal community and I look forward to participating in local art shows this spring. I'm hoping to have my own open house this summer.

I see the light at the end of the tunnel with respect to the renovations of the house - thankfully. We're down to the "lipstick and mascara" to quote Mike Holmes. Peaches the chihuahua is doing a great job of becoming the party dog of the house... Less than a year ago she was a snarling feral runaway. Now she is a bed snuggler and slipper thief. And she likes her special outfits - bathing suit, dressing gown, tutu, and other canine fashion statements. Spunky, Max and Starr are doing their usual thing, although they miss the 50 acres.

Speaking of Durham, that property finally sold in late November and all the running back and forth kept us really busy. We finally are getting out from under the debt load, and I'm thankful for that... Angeni was really missing her old school, but this year is fully adapted to life in Penetang - she even joined the school council.

I spent some rough days last month in hospital with ruptured ovarian cysts - ouch. The problem continues, and we're monitoring it. I don't relish peritonitis and I dislike the headache and nausea. Movement is difficult when the acute abdomen develops. However I didn't miss much work, and I assume this will ebb with menopause. I've resumed knitting socks when I'm housebound, and that's a fun thing to do when I'm not feeling great.

It's coming up to the 7th anniversary of my mother's passing... I think about her a lot. It amazes me how much processing of the mother-daughter relationship I've done... It will be 2 years since Pooky died (in June) and I miss her desperately... A different relationship but just as dear. Now, one of my peers is leaving for San Diego, and I will miss her... Life is precious.

Brian is well. He put on a belly when he stopped doing the farm chores last year. His response is a Pilate's/yoga class that both he and Angeni seem to be enjoying. He's lost 10 pounds in less than 2 months, without changing his diet, just doing the class weekly. Interestingly, the township postponed one Monday night because of "Family Day" last month and he really noticed it, and missed it. Strength and balance at its finest.

All in all a good start to 2009. A great birthday today... A wonderful life...

Welllllll...

What a summer and what a September!! Been in a car accident, almost sold my house twice and did a professional development seminar... Our new house has heat and A/C now as of today, and we're about a month away from getting some furniture. The studio is done after many months of hard work and I've resumed my sewing. I'm pooped. It's autumn equinox today, so we're half-way to winter...

Peaches continues to expand her people skills. We took her to the beach on the leash a few times, and she seemed to relish the walking. Her leach skills are good, but she can still escape through 2 layers of sheep fence. Escape artist extraordinaire. The rest of the animals are fine...

Angeni is enjoying another year with a favourite teacher in the new school in Penetang. She is in a 5/6 split, so that is stimulating for her to work at the level of the older kids. She grew about 3" over the summer after many weeks in day camp. She had more adventures in one summer than I've had in a lifetime.

Summer zooms by...

Been a long time since I posted - haven't abandoned the blog, just settling in and renovating takes all the time we have outside of work. The studio is within sight, but not quite complete. New windows and doors are being installed and we have to get the heating thing sorted out yet. I won't be on electric heat for another winter.... The Durham house is still for sale, but all the reno's there are done.

Angeni is enjoying the Tiny Twp camp and is entering her 6th week of it... given the long weekend we're just completing, this is a short week. She turns 10 next Monday!!! What a decade!!!

Peaches is grooving along, and would be a model dog except for the urinary incontinence. I think her spaying was problematic, as this isn't really healing. All the other animals are doing fine...

To end this glorious long weekend we're having a family camp fire in the yard... time to go get that started.

Settling In...

Not settling for... Hmmm. That sounds cranky, but it isn't meant to be... Rather, I am making sure that how I move in here reflects what I want and how I want the place the be... We're still without heat in about 40% of the main floor, so I can't set up my work room. It's still too cold out there.

I'm struggling with an abscessed tooth and the horror of walking pneumonia. I've taken today and tomorrow off work to allow me to heal. Other than a funding proposal to finish, I am caught up. I'm involved in prepping for a National Aboriginal Day celebration, so we can present the institution with a painting by Eve Dexter of white buffalo. Finding dignitaries to participate, and native dancers, is a trick. And expensive. We'll see how it pans out.

We're working specifically on the library and office. The office is 90% done, while the library is maybe 70% done. We need to purchase some more bookshelves and finish installing the electric fireplace to make it complete. It looks quite spiffy in there, actually. There is an adjoining bathroom - sink and toilet only - which we've managed to make look quite grand. As we separate out the stuff for a garage sale I'm amazed at what I can now let go of - solid pine end tables made in 1977 by my first husband, dressers, all our Ikea furniture, lamps, kitchen overflow and just incredible amounts of stuff. It's like an archaeological timetable of my life. I am able to let it all go.... Good, healthy stuff. There is a sense of relief, actually, it just letting things go... maybe I'm becoming Buddhist? Nah, I like jewellery too much.

Angeni is finally accepting of her new school in Penetang. This is a much anticipated adjustment. She still sees the kids she left behind as her 'best" friends, yet they don't communicate at all. The dogs have not adapted to their confinement in the small yard. The dog control officer told us of complaints he's received, so we have to tie them up until we can fence the yard. Better to be good neighbours than have happy dogs.

Better get back at it - the office won't be right until I finish it.

Long time coming...

It's Sunday March 9th, a week after my 51st birthday, and I'm chilling to Pink Floyd... I apologize for the loooonnnnggg time away from this blog. At the last entry we'd been to work for two weeks and dealing with extreme financial and moving stresses. I get huge numbers of emails every day, although who these emails come from has changed... few clients and more work-related tomes. So let me catch up on what has happened... These won't be in any particular order, just as they come to mind...

My lovely Nonny had to be euthanized on Monday, Feb. 25th. She had developed lung cancer, after her kitty mastectomy last June (the week Pooky died). She was cognizant of who we were, and even in weakness meowed her recognition and purred on my pillow... I had Nonny almost 17 years. She goes back to the early days when I lived with Fred. I chose her from amongst a group of new kittens at the KW animal shelter. At 6 weeks old, she was sitting there, like the Sphinx, with other younger kittens crawling all over her. To say she was mellow was an understatement. Nonny never got caught up in the household cat/dog hierarchy. Ethol, her original house mate was always "The Quoon" and kept everyone in their place. Even after Ethol passed in December 2005, it was Zuna who took over the crown. Nonny was just herself. I called her Nonny Monster, but she was always the antithesis of a monster. She was much-loved and is much-missed.

Angeni started school in Penetang on January 7th. I really like her teacher, Mrs. Ball, who watches her interactions and doesn't pressure Angeni. Mrs. Ball has a wisdom and gentle approach that Angeni needs. Slowly she is making friends - this coming March break week Angeni is going to a day camp run by the community, so there is more opportunity to meet her friends and simply play. There were a lot of tears the first couple of months, but now we see more relaxation and laughter. It was clearly very hard for Angeni to give up the only home she ever remembered. She is resilient, in the face of all the changes.

We've moved in, more or less, to this new home. There are parts of it without heat, so Brian and Del are moving forward on a boiler system to replace the electric baseboard heat we now have. There is propane here for a faux fireplace, and the hot-water heater, so we have the opportunity to go all-gas. I smell a joke in that statement, but I won't go there.... Anyway, I miss my studio space, and until the heat is in the large room on the west of the house, I can't set up my sewing or knitting machines. What I notice I miss the most right now, is making jewelery. That surprised me, when it bubbled up from my subconscious. Soon, within the next month, I should be functional in the studio - this will help me feel more settled. Of everyone in the family I am the least settled. While I miss Durham for the space and peace, I relish being close to the water. But I won't be "here" until every last box is completely unpacked.

I guess this is enough of an update for today... While it should be a sleepy Sunday, Brian has been plowing the yard for 3 hours now, and it is lunchtime. He's got his tractor back, so he's still tractor dude. If the old tractor could run on testosterone, we'd be set - Brian's reaction to the tractor is similar to "Tim the Tool Man Taylor" - grunt, grunt, grunt. Boys and their toys.

Have a blessed week, and maybe spring will peak through shortly!!

Happy New Year to everyone! May 2008 bring the brightest blessings for you all... We are not really doing a festive thing, just had a quiet evening watching other revelers. I read a good book "Eat, Pray, Love" by Elizabeth Gilbert - this is an excellent read if you like spiritual journeys. Ms. Gilbert happens to have a similar sense of humour to my own, so I'm really liking her writing style. My New Year's night contained massive heartburn, and a sore throat, so I'm laying low today. Or is that lying low? Got to dust off my grammar books.

All the animals are adjusting quite well to the new surroundings. Starr had taken to peeing, etc. in the office because when he was tethered on a long rope, he wouldn't "go" outside. We're trying to keep the dogs off the road and out of the neighbours' yards - this is a challenge. Maxine won't come upstairs, and doesn't like being left outside for long. Spunky, for an old dog, has adapted quickly and without developing problem behaviours. The cats are enjoying the new house. Bob went outside for a little while one day, and basically hid under the trailer until I called him. No further requests for outside. Nonny is sneezing. If she isn't better by tomorrow afternoon I'll find her a local vet. Zuna has bladder irritation, so I'm trying to give her an antibiotic - this is like trying to get a shark to ballet dance. Not easy. Otherwise Mr. Bill is still flying the furniture (like Snoopy flies his doghouse) and all is well.

Brian went back to the Durham house on Saturday to clean and retrieve some missing items. He ended up leaving without some of the things as he just didn't have enough room in the van and trailer. He will wait until spring to gather the remainders. It was a long tiring day made even longer by driving a round trip in one day.

It is a quiet New Year's Day. I plan to cook a roast and tidy more of the house. We bought a new stove so I don't have the psycho-stove experience any longer. For all the work its taken

I'm enjoying my new kitchen, but have one box of utensils still missing out back. Every room is a mess except the kitchen... We've found most of our clothes, I think, but I'm missing a specific bit of native jewellery and that troubles me. I have to have my studio space up and functional by the end of March, as I'm expected to teach topical embellishment at the Doll Artists AGM in April. This means finding my stuff and making up kits.

We're having a bit of nasty weather with high winds and blowing snow today. I wasn't expecting this... It drops to -18 degrees overnight with a high of only -12 tomorrow. Brian says by Sunday it's supposed to be +5 degrees and rain!!! Weird winter, and I'm sick of it now. I hope the roads are ploughed - in the meantime we're back to work tomorrow.

Enjoy this wonderful new year of 2008. Intuitively it feels like a major positive year.

Christmas Day

Oh what a wild month... We moved, and I still need to find all my clothes... Boxes everywhere. No internet until Christmas Eve... I went to bed appreciating that Brian could put our bed together - no more crawling on the floor... Two weeks of futon on the floor is too much for my back.

It was a quiet day for a Christmas. No visitors, no extra guests for dinner. I still struggle with childhood memories... Angry, drunken and abusive/violent father alone in the house with 2 scared little girls because our mother was working at the hospital. The scenes play and replay, and the sense of hollowness is as fresh now as it was 40 years ago. I try so hard to make Christmas so very different for our little girl. This year with no money, no ornaments, no Christmas tree, it feels a little empty. No money to exchange gifts with my husband. At least we could get an oven and a dishwasher (all on credit) to make a reasonably good meal. I want to get the better of my ghosts of Christmas past.

I like my new kitchen arrangement. The cupboards are great, although we don't have a table in the kitchen. My old monstrous pine table is too big for the space, so we have it in the livingroom for now. Later it will morph into a sewing table when we have a smaller one to replace it...

The new job is working out quite nicely. Brian and I appreciate the really nice people we work with in chaplaincy. It makes for a peaceful oasis when working in a prison setting.

The dogs and cats made it safely. The cats are pretty much acclimated, but Starr is having some problems with keeping put in our yard. No 50 acres here. So he's having accidents in the house and dislikes being tied to a tether in the yard. Max won't come upstairs with us at night, meaning the cookie routine at bedtime has been eliminated. We're not sure why Max isn't coming upstairs. The dogs seem really worried.

We've settled in to the idea of a trip to Wasaga tomorrow as Angeni wants this Nintendo thing at Walmart. I can't imagine what kind of zoo that will be... She got some gift cards, so we'll try.

I hope the season is brilliant and healing... That peace flows through you like a stream... And love replaces everything that hurts or haunts you. A-ho.

Anniversary Snooze

I can't believe we've been together 13 years today... and married 12 years ago today!!! One baby and a million animals later, we're still happy and still laughing. The move is a mere 3 days away and we're up to our ears in boxes. The house is painted and unrecognizable. While I'll miss this place, I have to disconnect spiritually and emotionally so it will sell... It is quite an unusual feeling to be a week away from full-time work and a regular paycheque. I think we'll do alright.

The more things change...

Well, in my case things aren't staying the same. Wow. On Nov. 16th we got word of a new posting in the Penetanguishene area. We've painted the house, renovated the bathrooms, and packed about 2/3rds of our life. We secured our financial stuff, and generally have complete chaos in the home. All the animals are distressed. I am distressed that the outside animals won't come in on moving day, and they'll get left behind - meaning friends will have to come and get them and bring them to us... I'm trying not to put that thought out as a fear to the universe, just something to plan around.

I'm going to miss this place in Varney and all the memories: llamas, alpacas, chickens, Jujube the donkey, Lucky and Mabel the horses... We arrived with Nonny, Zuna Piggles, Ethol Louise Carnivore, Spike and Pooky, and those last 3 have passed... We acquired Mr. Bill, Max the 1st (now deceased), Bob, Spunky, Maxine, Starr and Angel Piggles... I'll miss the pines, the sense of womb-like seclusion, and most of all, the spirit of this land.

Our new jobs put us in contact with a native population that requires our services, and we'll be paid. That's kind of novel, for us. Our new home has more space in the house and fewer stairs. What we lose in property we gain in proximity to the beaches and water - a big deal for Angeni. This is a 9-year cycle that ends a distinct chapter in our lives - Angeni's early childhood.

When I'm an old lady I'm pretty sure I'll review my life and remember this home as the one I loved the most.

Moody Winter

I was aghast to rise and see winter on the trees, and settled on the lawn... my calendula are covered over in a snowy blanket, so there are no more crops. I bagged the last dry florets today... I'm overcome with that gripping numb reality that says, "snow tires NOW", "get the clothespins in NOW", and who can forget "wear your boots/wipe your feet NOW"...

Experiencing the first snow is like losing your virginity... You can't say "I didn't like that, so I want to go back a be a virgin again." No matter how unpleasant the experience, you are changed... I'm at the other end of the spectrum. Winter's arrival is like menopause's arrival - cold, hard, fast and not predicted. My emotional landscape is covered in some schizophrenic blanket of crap and I easily fall and slip in it.

Like tonight. So not a stellar night to be writing anything the world will read. Except to say a dear friend, while visiting on the weekend, suggested I have too many spatulas. I countered that not all of them are for the same purpose, and I am writing a cookbook - all kitchen tools are on deck these days. She didn't believe me... she thinks I'm hoarding spatulas. Weird Al Yankovic and I are maybe the only people in the world who appreciate spatulas - he pays homage to them in a video where the protagonist goes to "Spatula World". I should apply as regional manager of Spatula World.

Maybe it's not menopause after all... maybe it's the attack on my culinary tool collection. I suggested I might take some spatulas up to the bedroom - isn't that a novel usage? My visiting friend just laughs at me, and says she misses my humour. Good thing she lives far away when I've slipped on my hormonal nightmare and landed in the sewage.

However, my husband, who turned 61 today, is knee-deep in the menopausal morass. He hasn't had a celebrated birthday. Didn't want a cake, so I baked him a pumpkin pie. It's the first time I didn't get him a card. I wasn't out, and e-cards are kinda crass - I'd rather not go there... We've worked hard lately, and it's a good thing the van needs extensive servicing in Guelph. He'll be away all day and I'll have the house to myself, to quietly work on jewelery commissions. I think a day away in Guelph and some time apart is good for us.

When he comes home, the snow tires will be on the van... I'll have the clothespins in the house, and a boot mat by the front door, with a place to wipe one's footwear. Maybe by that time, I'll meet him at the door with nothing on but a smile and a spatula clenched between my teeth. Yeah, right.

Halloween Havoc

I feel no remorse in stealing the name of a wrestling pay-per-view to title my blog entry. It is "All Saints Day" officially today, and "All Souls Day" tomorrow. The spooky triumvirate falls in the midst of the 2.5 weeks running from Oct. 25th to Nov. 11th, when the veil between worlds is the thinnest, and our communication with the departed is at its peak. How is your spiritual communication? Good, I hope - this is the perfect time to catch up on ethereal gossip and connect with those loved ones we haven't chatted with in awhile... I certainly do.

We had a number of occurrences here a couple weeks ago - the levitation of an umbrella in front of a client, the slamming of Angeni's door 3 times during a gathering, and finally the cord on the dining table lamp being pulled - and the light coming on - in front of Brian and myself. Seems my dad had something to say, and felt worried that Angeni spends too much time alone in her room. We acknowledged his concern - she has joined us more in the main part of the house - and the haunting behaviours have stopped for now...

Angeni and I have an annual mother/daughter ritual of going out for Hallowe'en together. I take her to the usual haunts in Varney, then into Durham, and home through the back concessions. It takes us about 2.5 hours. It was initially a bit tense, but she relaxed and we had a great time. The clocks used to go back to eastern standard time the weekend before Hallowe'en, but Canada is following the US initiative to wait until this coming weekend. Thus, we were going out at 6 PM while it was still light - that felt weird - but necessary with her bedtime and the route we take. Suffice to say we had a howling good time. The night was warm at 16 degrees Celsius, and it didn't start to rain until we parked the van at home - spooky!

Don't be the dummy who forgets to turn back your clock this weekend! Remember to sleep in and keep cozy.

Wild and Wacky Weddings

We had an interesting shamanic gathering on Sunday the 28th - it was our annual "feast of the dead" celebration for the ancestors, and additionally, a wedding. For weeks we busted our buns to get the renovations done that would give me a functional main floor bathroom (as long as the guests didn't need to shower) and a working kitchen. Why? Not only were we feasting at lunch, but after the wedding, we hosted the reception dinner, here at Moonstar. My goodness - I was still icing cakes at 11:00 PM the night before, and sewing special ceremonial shirts. Brian and I haven't worked that hard in years...

The animals were unusually silly during the festivities. Maxine was highly conflicted - she wanted to be inside with us, but the noise and the energy of 19 people had her agitated. So she went to the door every 5 minutes. Poor Denise was the one controlling Max's ins-and-outs. That duty should fall to a menopausal female, as those hormone rushes require some cooling off - that isn't Denise yet. I'd bought rawhide bones to keep them busy during the wedding, but the dogs decided that any other dog's bone was more interesting than the one they were given, hence some posturing started. It got a bit aggressive.

The cats, while very interested in cream cheese cake icing, were not as upset as the dogs. The only cat in the room during the main festivities was (surprisingly) Zuna. Nonny and the rest of the felines went to various sleeping stations upstairs, away from our madding crowd. No one's shirt caught on fire; no one set off the fire alarm; and there was enough food for all. The only technical glitch was the video camera didn't work during the ceremony. We all saw the light go on, and the aperture opening and closing - however, I suspect the ancestors don't like photos. Mercifully there were several digital cameras, so the "still" photographs happened.

So with a few days to clean up and rest, we're dealing today with Hallowe'en. Angeni and I have an annual mother-daughter routine, which I've done since she was very small. I drive her into Durham, after visiting the friends on Varney Road, and we come back about 9 PM. This is quite a silly evening for mother and daughter - it's one of the few things given my disabilities I can do with her. It is a warm day, but the wind is high - I know this is heralding a profound drop in temperature, and probably more rain, but I would like the wind to die down for this evening. I don't like the cold.

My friend Philomene will have arrived in Sedona by now... I hope her workshops are productive. I wish I was in Sedona right now, actually....

Have a Spooky Funky Hallowe'en!!!

A Tail of Two Kitties

So I'm sitting here with my old friend Nonny cat... I'm typing and she's purring. I was reminded of an old behaviour today when the phone rang - Nonny was lying on my desk at the time and reached over to sniff the phone. When we lived in Guelph, we had a huge buttoned speaker phone, which sat on a table by the window. Nonny would walk across this phone on the way to the windowsill to watch birds with Pooky.

We found out that even as a very young cat, she liked to order pizza.

When she walked across the phone, she first stepped on the speaker button... then hit the auto dial button for the pizza parlour in the Grange St. plaza. The first time we caught her, I could hear "Hello, hello??? Who's there? Damn kids!!!" Nonny was just sniffing into the microphone, and the guy could hear her - I guess he thought it was an obscene phone call... Clearly he didn't have call display. Since this was our favourite pizza place at the time, we stopped in one day and told the guy about the cat. He laughed, and said he understood, and also suggested we move the phone!! I couldn't really move the phone, I just had to watch Nonny a little more carefully.... He asked one time if he could come over and see Nonny do her thing. We obliged, and he set up his daughter to answer the phone when he was dropping off a pizza for us... He got a good chuckle - all I had to say to Nonny and Pooky was "Birds, Nonny, birds!!" and they scrambled to the window taking her usual route across the phone. When the daughter answered, Nonny sniffed away at the voice. Too funny.

Thankfully that old phone is long burned out, so Nonny can't order pizza. I wouldn't really mind, as long as she paid and there weren't anchovies on it...

As for the other tail/tale of kitties... Tonight I had to bake a wedding cake. Actually two - one to decorate in a silly manner, and one "for good"... I baked a third cake to decorate with gummy worms, gummy frogs, licorice babies, and marshmallow monster faces. Oh yeah, and gelatin body parts. This last cake is for the shamanic gathering tomorrow, where the wedding takes place. My shaman feast at lunch, and perform the wedding with me in the afternoon. After they leave, I'm doing a dinner for the happy couple - complete with wedding cakes. Anyway, I'm doing my level best to ice these cakes and naturally, every cat we own is in the house because of the rain. It's also a lot of fun to "help" mommy. Icing, especially butter cream and cream cheese are deeply yummy. Good to lick, good to sit on - you get the picture. It took 3 armed guards to watch the cakes while they cooled, in order to keep cats off them... Nonny, of all the cats, doesn't eat people food. Cakes are for sleeping on. Get it right. So after being dutifully decorated and wrapped, I've actually put them in my sewing room (door shut) for the night. Here's hoping they're safe.

It's going to be a loooooonnnnngggg day tomorrow. Gotta get some sleep.

It's been awhile...

Not sure why, but I haven't blogged in exactly a month. Part of this is the chaos of renovations, another part is all the time and effort spent job-hunting and finally the chaos of renovations. I'm not sure what is so disturbing about all of this, but it is disturbing. A friend suggested Brian and I take the time to do our pipe together - we haven't I must admit - in nearly 4 months. One reason I don't do my pipe as often is that I also have a direct line to spook land, and for whatever it's worth, they do have some interesting perspectives. One insight is, if we had the money when we first moved in here, we'd have done all these renovations 8 years ago - wallpaper removal, painting over their smoky walls, replacing the flooring (which had holes even then), updating the bathrooms and fixing the porch. Instead we put on a roof, put in a furnace and air conditioner, and built paddocks. So, even if we don't "move" away from here, we've done what most people do, and that's update and upgrade. If we don't move it will be a clean and fresh start.

The renovations are at all levels - physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual. It's never comfortable and never pleasant. We can't find anything - beloved chatchki's are not in their places and we can't find clean clothes. Both bathrooms are nearly out of commission because of the reno's and this is upsetting. Having no water for long periods of time is a bummer. Most of my appliances are moved and disconnected. What could possibly be worse? The clients are staying away in droves... No income, big bills, and a sense of not knowing whether we have to move or not... Even with a good chat line to the beloveds, they cannot make decisions for me/us, so they stay quiet. My choices are my responsibility. I accept that....

If I push the envelope and elect to stay, one or both of us must take an outside job. Brian is almost 61 and I'm 50 - there is an invisible gray ceiling, even with the tsunami of the boomer generation changing things. I have obvious physical limitations, and this is a hindrance - whether it 'should" be or not, it is... Classes are poorly attended and there is no ministerial income, It's all very disturbing.

It is four months ago today that my beloved Pooky died and I'm still grieving.

So I guess I probably (subconsciously) haven't written because I don't think people need to read my whining on this blog. I'll write when I have something upbeat and funny to say.

Take care... Kathryn

Renovation Boogey

Summer is back with a vengeance, even if just for a few more days... it's gorgeous out there, and we are blessed to have some painting going on to spruce up the outside. In another couple of weeks there will be too much rain for regular outdoor painting - hopefully this will be done by the weekend and Brian can move it all indoors. We're doing those little things to the place like replacing broken windows, adding a new screen door, tearing off old wallpaper, and removing visual clutter. The load of junk going out the door is incredible. Repairing and painting the inside walls will add considerably to the freshening of the place. I'm glad the windows can be open for most of the time... Neither Angeni nor I tolerate paint fumes.

Lucky and Mabel seem to be doing well in their new homes... Brian does miss Lucky, though, and we both notice how dead the barn feels without them. However, it is as the song says "time passages", and we must look ahead.

There is a new autumn newsletter, just published today - it has been emailed to everyone on our list, but after this evening it can be accessed from the website as well. Or email Brian and ask to be sent a copy... As it indicates, we've canceled our autumn equinox gathering this weekend due to all the renovations going on...

People have been asking about the book I was published in this summer... I don't have any extra copies, but they can be purchased from the Anishnabeg Outreach Centre in Guelph, or from Ningwakwe Learning Press directly. The book is called "River Bundles An Anthology of Original Peoples in the Waterloo-Wellington Region". If you contact me directly I can give you the email of my friend in the editorial group, the Plume Writers Circle. I also just received "Portico", the magazine of the Alumni Association at the University of Guelph, and I'm featured in an article on alumni with unusual jobs... Yeah, I'd say this is unusual.

Sometime soon you'll be able to see my art work in the Ontario Craft Council's web portal called the "Portfolio of Makers". This was submitted for a deadline in July, but I worked on it for nearly two years. It will be up and running shortly.... And, I have been contracted to teach native beadwork to a class during the Canadian Doll Artists Association convention next April. I've been a member now for almost 4 years, and I've never been able to afford to attend their convention. Now I get a chance to go and teach - how exquisite! Things are looking up in my art world.

Tonight is meet the creature night... I mean, Meet the Teacher night. We don't especially need to go, since this is the second year Angeni has been taught by this teacher, but Angeni is anxious for us to go... It's also a scam to buy books from Scholastic, which is what Angeni really wants in the long run. It's a tight month financially, so we'll see... It may be a quiet ride home.

Looks like we're doing a wedding here next month... more details to follow! Have a wonderful equinox weekend.

Winds of Change

Mabel and Lucky went to their new home yesterday, and the chickens head out today - right now in fact. That leaves the barn empty... All the dogs and cats that remain are healthy and happy and won't be leaving - Angeni is happy there are no more animals going anywhere.

We didn't get our jobs down east. The Dear John/Dear Jane letters arrived today. Out of 9 elders who applied, 7 were required, and Brian and I got dumped. It makes me reticent to talk about any further developments, as I don't want anyone else having to deal with our roller coaster. Some of the pressure of waiting is off, but even now, we've hit the ground running in our application for another position with a different ministry. It has to be done by Wednesday.

In the meantime, since we have to sell our home anyway, we're continuing with minor repairs and painting. The house is a royal mess - wall paper is partially stripped off in the downstairs, and there is a lot of damage in the plaster/drywall to repair before painting. With the bathrooms also requiring a lot of finishing and repair, we're going to cancel Autumn Equinox celebrations for this year. Getting this place done by the 22nd isn't possible, especially with Brian working part-time.

We're doing the day-by-day dance...

Lucky & Mabel

It is a bittersweet Sunday - we found new homes for Lucky and Mabel and our friends are coming today to pick them up. Eventually the chickens will go there as well... Angeni isn't really happy about this, but the best comfort I can offer is that we can visit our friends' farm anytime and see them - the horses won't forget us. Small comfort to a grieving child whose seen so many changes and experienced so much loss this summer...

However, life goes on, and Angeni is well entrenched in Grade 4. So far all she can say about her year is "boring" as there is a lot of writing and review, from her perspective. I trust it will liven up, and eventually whenever we get moved, she'll have the excitement of a new school to adjust to...

On this sleepy Sunday Brian is busily stripping wallpaper in the dining room. I've done my morning emails and scanned the news. We watched an episode of Celebrity Paranormal Project last night, so I did a bit of research on that episode's location. I miss being out "in the field" doing this exact work. I also miss standing in front of a congregation delivering messages. This celebrity show is quite ridiculous, as there is no recapitulation of what was found by the team of B-list celebrities - the entire show focuses the camera on their genuine fear and reactions to the paranormal. I'm not a fan, but I watch to see what I can discern in the background of the shots.

Anyway, as the day rolls along, I have 3 crystal necklaces to make (commissions) and a Metis ornamental ceremonial shirt to finish. I researched a more historically correct placket to finish the sleeves. This particular gentleman has arms longer than the pattern allowed, so this meant some tricky reworking of the sleeve with the cuff/placket. I'm pleased that I can get this finished in the next day or so to give him when he visits on Thursday. I figured out the tricky repair to a neckline of a rayon dress I've been mulling over, and hemmed 3 pair of pants which have been sitting there for months, awaiting my ministrations. I hemmed 2 new track pants for Angeni. She thought it was too warm for track pants, until I showed her the forecast for next week - some mornings it suggests no more than about 6 degrees when she gets on the bus!! She'll need the fleecy pants!! Slowly I am checking off the sewing list in my mind...

It's another couple of weeks before we hear whether we got the job postings or not... it's been stressful for the family. The wheels of government grind slowly, and I keep reminding Brian that is isn't personal. As will anything bureaucratic, there is a careful dotting of i's and crossing of t's... It isn't personal. The universe has to make things happen as it suits all parties involved, not just us because we're anxious to move on. The donkey and horses got placed speedily, and other aspects of this shift have happened swiftly and beautifully - we just need to be patient and allow the universe to unfold. Manifestation is happening.

Have a wonderful, blessed week...

Labour Day mission of Love

So it's the most exquisite sunny Sunday - the middle of the labour day weekend... we've had a quiet weekend at home as our original plans had to be changed. The nature of our life right now means we adapt to flying by the seat of our pants, and landing without skid marks on the runway. We'd originally thought to take Angeni to the beach today, and there were other options, but none of them could happen. Last night she and her father went to a bush party for a girl friend turning 10, and that was an important experience. The mere thought of "bush party" would normally send cold chills through most parents, but this was a family thing. They enjoyed themselves.

I've had problems with a bowel obstruction made worse by gastroenteritis. I felt like I should have lived in the bathroom for these last several days. However, sleep-deprivation and pain aside, we're going to attempt another barn-burner sleepover in the trailer, with our friend Philomene. This should be interesting... we've got snacks, sleeping bags, coffee and cream for the morning, stuffed animals, playing cards with cows on them, and I'll take my knitting. The guitar is a given, but I'm not sure about my kazoo. And who could forget those feminine hygiene products? (Angeni goes "ewww" when she sees them.) We'll have a night without cats or dogs, and Brian gets to sleep in the house by himself, lucky bastard.

Mabel and Lucky will be going to a new home this week in Gowanstown, along with the remaining chicken family. Our old friends Moe and Kath are quite happy to receive them, and I'm donating a disco ball for the chicken coop - there is one rooster who has a penchant for disco. Got to make the transition easy for him, right? That gets all of our charges dealt with who can't come with us on the next phase of our lives - and thankfully the horses have a home for life. No more moves... their fate could have been worse.

Anyway, we're doing some fairly complex renovations to the house and getting it ready to go on the market sometime soon. Stripping wallpaper is horrible, despite steamers, concentrated acid removers and scrapers. We inherited this paper from the previous owners and I've always hated wallpaper. For me, it's white walls, and wild colourful accents - I'm not stuck with what the walls dictate when I decorate that way... In the next few days, when Angeni goes back to school on Tuesday, we'll begin another intense round of purging. In analyzing what we'll keep and what we'll shed, we're looking at over 70% of what we own is being dispersed. It isn't worth lugging to a new home. This is a good exercise for me in letting go of old paradigms and shedding. A snake must shed it's skin in order to grow, and I must unburden myself from the load I've carried in order to blossom. It is time...

Have a wonderful, restorative, restful Monday.