Moonstar Lodge Musings

Heartbreaking news....

2009-11-30T18:28:00.000-08:00

I am mortified to share that my little sister, Judy Coddington, died of unknown causes on Nov. 25th... It took everything I could muster to do her eulogy this past Saturday... Here is her obituary...

Coddington, Judy - of Sauble Beach, suddenly at Grey Bruce Health Services Wiarton on Wednesday, November 25th, 2009. The former Judy Arlene Gorman at the age of 50 years. Loving wife and best friend of Brad. Devoted mother of Natalie Lamb, of Owen Sound, Melanie Lamb and Jamie Lamb (friend Kristin), all of Guelph. Cherished Gramma to Benjamin and Jerry. Judy will be sadly missed by her sister Rev. Kathryn Gorman-Lovelady (Brian), of Penetanguishene; brothers-in-law; sisters-in-law; nieces; nephews; and many good friends. Predeceased by her parents Gerald and Beulah Gorman; and her father-in-law and mother-in-law Clifford and Audrey Coddington. Friends are invited to gather with the family to share memories during a time of visitation at the Thomas C. Whitcroft Funeral Home & Chapel, Sauble Beach (519) 422-0041 on Saturday, November 28th, 2009 from 2-3 pm, where a service to celebrate Judy's life will be conducted from the chapel at 3 o'clock. Cremation to follow. Donations to the Arthritis Society would be appreciated.

Judy Coddington
1959 - 2009

I didn't find out she was dead until nearly noon on Thursday... I am still in a state of shock... I went back to work today because I needed to be busy and stay on top of my work obligations.

It changes how I am approaching Christmas... As we move into this blessed season, I wish all my friends and extended family the best that the Creator shares with us. Happy December.

2009-11-01T15:12:00.000-08:00

8 months since I last wrote!! Ooooppss... We had the same weird, brief summer that everyone else did... No travel, just some weeks off to work around the house. Angeni is growing like a weed - she's 5' 8" now, and looks like she should be in university rather that grade 6...

We're down a cat... Dear silly Bob was killed back on April 2nd. We miss the little buggar. No other new pets, although I'm still interested and researching yorkie-poos like Pooky was... I was remembering her on Oct. 30th, which was her birthday. We cannot have another dog without a kennel licence, so we cannot get another yorkie-poo until one of our other dogs has passed.

Work goes well. There are new and improved resources for the aboriginal inmates, and it looks like our community partners are coming on board to help us. As our duties increase, our time on the floor decreases, so it is important to have community support volunteers to assist with the existing circles. We have the opportunity to expand things greatly but only with enough bodies to fill the support roles... October was a busy month of travelling. I managed nearly a week in North Bay for a NILO conference, and just this week returned from Jackson's Point. There I participated in an Ontario Multifaith Council conference.

In the meantime, we didn't do medicine wheel gardens here at home, but did manage some wonderful gardens around the front of the house. There was a lot of reconstruction of the yard as well as the house, so we couldn't do much with medicine gardens. We did have one at the jail. So much renovation, though... a new roof, insulation of the basement, new windows and double doors. Also, another fireplace in my studio, new walls in the studio and new drywall in the garage. The floors in the upstairs are all replaced and the "other" bedroom is now a beautiful wolf den, ready for guests with a fireplace. The library, now finished, is a wonderful resting area, and Brian finished that bathroom... Now it is my studio that remains to be plastered and painted... When it is finally all complete I will have a comfortable, neat place to work. Right now I'm in my jewellery making mode. It's what appeals to my creative self...

Guess that's all for now... Have a good November!!

Wow... I could have had a V8

2009-03-02T15:42:00.000-08:00

Okay, so I've been away from this for awhile... Lots happening in my life, but I have no excuse for neglecting this blog... It's my birthday today, so I thought I'd clean things up.

Our work is going well, and we're doing a lot of programs with the aboriginal offenders. We've connected in a meaningful way with the aboriginal community and I look forward to participating in local art shows this spring. I'm hoping to have my own open house this summer.

I see the light at the end of the tunnel with respect to the renovations of the house - thankfully. We're down to the "lipstick and mascara" to quote Mike Holmes. Peaches the chihuahua is doing a great job of becoming the party dog of the house... Less than a year ago she was a snarling feral runaway. Now she is a bed snuggler and slipper thief. And she likes her special outfits - bathing suit, dressing gown, tutu, and other canine fashion statements. Spunky, Max and Starr are doing their usual thing, although they miss the 50 acres.

Speaking of Durham, that property finally sold in late November and all the running back and forth kept us really busy. We finally are getting out from under the debt load, and I'm thankful for that... Angeni was really missing her old school, but this year is fully adapted to life in Penetang - she even joined the school council.

I spent some rough days last month in hospital with ruptured ovarian cysts - ouch. The problem continues, and we're monitoring it. I don't relish peritonitis and I dislike the headache and nausea. Movement is difficult when the acute abdomen develops. However I didn't miss much work, and I assume this will ebb with menopause. I've resumed knitting socks when I'm housebound, and that's a fun thing to do when I'm not feeling great.

It's coming up to the 7th anniversary of my mother's passing... I think about her a lot. It amazes me how much processing of the mother-daughter relationship I've done... It will be 2 years since Pooky died (in June) and I miss her desperately... A different relationship but just as dear. Now, one of my peers is leaving for San Diego, and I will miss her... Life is precious.

Brian is well. He put on a belly when he stopped doing the farm chores last year. His response is a Pilate's/yoga class that both he and Angeni seem to be enjoying. He's lost 10 pounds in less than 2 months, without changing his diet, just doing the class weekly. Interestingly, the township postponed one Monday night because of "Family Day" last month and he really noticed it, and missed it. Strength and balance at its finest.

All in all a good start to 2009. A great birthday today... A wonderful life...

Welllllll...

2008-09-22T15:03:00.000-07:00

What a summer and what a September!! Been in a car accident, almost sold my house twice and did a professional development seminar... Our new house has heat and A/C now as of today, and we're about a month away from getting some furniture. The studio is done after many months of hard work and I've resumed my sewing. I'm pooped. It's autumn equinox today, so we're half-way to winter...

Peaches continues to expand her people skills. We took her to the beach on the leash a few times, and she seemed to relish the walking. Her leach skills are good, but she can still escape through 2 layers of sheep fence. Escape artist extraordinaire. The rest of the animals are fine...

Angeni is enjoying another year with a favourite teacher in the new school in Penetang. She is in a 5/6 split, so that is stimulating for her to work at the level of the older kids. She grew about 3" over the summer after many weeks in day camp. She had more adventures in one summer than I've had in a lifetime.

Summer zooms by...

2008-08-04T16:32:00.000-07:00

Been a long time since I posted - haven't abandoned the blog, just settling in and renovating takes all the time we have outside of work. The studio is within sight, but not quite complete. New windows and doors are being installed and we have to get the heating thing sorted out yet. I won't be on electric heat for another winter.... The Durham house is still for sale, but all the reno's there are done.

Angeni is enjoying the Tiny Twp camp and is entering her 6th week of it... given the long weekend we're just completing, this is a short week. She turns 10 next Monday!!! What a decade!!!

Peaches is grooving along, and would be a model dog except for the urinary incontinence. I think her spaying was problematic, as this isn't really healing. All the other animals are doing fine...

To end this glorious long weekend we're having a family camp fire in the yard... time to go get that started.

Settling In...

2008-04-17T10:58:00.001-07:00

Not settling for... Hmmm. That sounds cranky, but it isn't meant to be... Rather, I am making sure that how I move in here reflects what I want and how I want the place the be... We're still without heat in about 40% of the main floor, so I can't set up my work room. It's still too cold out there.

I'm struggling with an abscessed tooth and the horror of walking pneumonia. I've taken today and tomorrow off work to allow me to heal. Other than a funding proposal to finish, I am caught up. I'm involved in prepping for a National Aboriginal Day celebration, so we can present the institution with a painting by Eve Dexter of white buffalo. Finding dignitaries to participate, and native dancers, is a trick. And expensive. We'll see how it pans out.

We're working specifically on the library and office. The office is 90% done, while the library is maybe 70% done. We need to purchase some more bookshelves and finish installing the electric fireplace to make it complete. It looks quite spiffy in there, actually. There is an adjoining bathroom - sink and toilet only - which we've managed to make look quite grand. As we separate out the stuff for a garage sale I'm amazed at what I can now let go of - solid pine end tables made in 1977 by my first husband, dressers, all our Ikea furniture, lamps, kitchen overflow and just incredible amounts of stuff. It's like an archaeological timetable of my life. I am able to let it all go.... Good, healthy stuff. There is a sense of relief, actually, it just letting things go... maybe I'm becoming Buddhist? Nah, I like jewellery too much.

Angeni is finally accepting of her new school in Penetang. This is a much anticipated adjustment. She still sees the kids she left behind as her 'best" friends, yet they don't communicate at all. The dogs have not adapted to their confinement in the small yard. The dog control officer told us of complaints he's received, so we have to tie them up until we can fence the yard. Better to be good neighbours than have happy dogs.

Better get back at it - the office won't be right until I finish it.

Long time coming...

2008-03-09T08:23:00.000-07:00

It's Sunday March 9th, a week after my 51st birthday, and I'm chilling to Pink Floyd... I apologize for the loooonnnnggg time away from this blog. At the last entry we'd been to work for two weeks and dealing with extreme financial and moving stresses. I get huge numbers of emails every day, although who these emails come from has changed... few clients and more work-related tomes. So let me catch up on what has happened... These won't be in any particular order, just as they come to mind...

My lovely Nonny had to be euthanized on Monday, Feb. 25th. She had developed lung cancer, after her kitty mastectomy last June (the week Pooky died). She was cognizant of who we were, and even in weakness meowed her recognition and purred on my pillow... I had Nonny almost 17 years. She goes back to the early days when I lived with Fred. I chose her from amongst a group of new kittens at the KW animal shelter. At 6 weeks old, she was sitting there, like the Sphinx, with other younger kittens crawling all over her. To say she was mellow was an understatement. Nonny never got caught up in the household cat/dog hierarchy. Ethol, her original house mate was always "The Quoon" and kept everyone in their place. Even after Ethol passed in December 2005, it was Zuna who took over the crown. Nonny was just herself. I called her Nonny Monster, but she was always the antithesis of a monster. She was much-loved and is much-missed.

Angeni started school in Penetang on January 7th. I really like her teacher, Mrs. Ball, who watches her interactions and doesn't pressure Angeni. Mrs. Ball has a wisdom and gentle approach that Angeni needs. Slowly she is making friends - this coming March break week Angeni is going to a day camp run by the community, so there is more opportunity to meet her friends and simply play. There were a lot of tears the first couple of months, but now we see more relaxation and laughter. It was clearly very hard for Angeni to give up the only home she ever remembered. She is resilient, in the face of all the changes.

We've moved in, more or less, to this new home. There are parts of it without heat, so Brian and Del are moving forward on a boiler system to replace the electric baseboard heat we now have. There is propane here for a faux fireplace, and the hot-water heater, so we have the opportunity to go all-gas. I smell a joke in that statement, but I won't go there.... Anyway, I miss my studio space, and until the heat is in the large room on the west of the house, I can't set up my sewing or knitting machines. What I notice I miss the most right now, is making jewelery. That surprised me, when it bubbled up from my subconscious. Soon, within the next month, I should be functional in the studio - this will help me feel more settled. Of everyone in the family I am the least settled. While I miss Durham for the space and peace, I relish being close to the water. But I won't be "here" until every last box is completely unpacked.

I guess this is enough of an update for today... While it should be a sleepy Sunday, Brian has been plowing the yard for 3 hours now, and it is lunchtime. He's got his tractor back, so he's still tractor dude. If the old tractor could run on testosterone, we'd be set - Brian's reaction to the tractor is similar to "Tim the Tool Man Taylor" - grunt, grunt, grunt. Boys and their toys.

Have a blessed week, and maybe spring will peak through shortly!!

2008-01-01T08:38:00.000-08:00

Happy New Year to everyone! May 2008 bring the brightest blessings for you all... We are not really doing a festive thing, just had a quiet evening watching other revelers. I read a good book "Eat, Pray, Love" by Elizabeth Gilbert - this is an excellent read if you like spiritual journeys. Ms. Gilbert happens to have a similar sense of humour to my own, so I'm really liking her writing style. My New Year's night contained massive heartburn, and a sore throat, so I'm laying low today. Or is that lying low? Got to dust off my grammar books.

All the animals are adjusting quite well to the new surroundings. Starr had taken to peeing, etc. in the office because when he was tethered on a long rope, he wouldn't "go" outside. We're trying to keep the dogs off the road and out of the neighbours' yards - this is a challenge. Maxine won't come upstairs, and doesn't like being left outside for long. Spunky, for an old dog, has adapted quickly and without developing problem behaviours. The cats are enjoying the new house. Bob went outside for a little while one day, and basically hid under the trailer until I called him. No further requests for outside. Nonny is sneezing. If she isn't better by tomorrow afternoon I'll find her a local vet. Zuna has bladder irritation, so I'm trying to give her an antibiotic - this is like trying to get a shark to ballet dance. Not easy. Otherwise Mr. Bill is still flying the furniture (like Snoopy flies his doghouse) and all is well.

Brian went back to the Durham house on Saturday to clean and retrieve some missing items. He ended up leaving without some of the things as he just didn't have enough room in the van and trailer. He will wait until spring to gather the remainders. It was a long tiring day made even longer by driving a round trip in one day.

It is a quiet New Year's Day. I plan to cook a roast and tidy more of the house. We bought a new stove so I don't have the psycho-stove experience any longer. For all the work its taken

I'm enjoying my new kitchen, but have one box of utensils still missing out back. Every room is a mess except the kitchen... We've found most of our clothes, I think, but I'm missing a specific bit of native jewellery and that troubles me. I have to have my studio space up and functional by the end of March, as I'm expected to teach topical embellishment at the Doll Artists AGM in April. This means finding my stuff and making up kits.

We're having a bit of nasty weather with high winds and blowing snow today. I wasn't expecting this... It drops to -18 degrees overnight with a high of only -12 tomorrow. Brian says by Sunday it's supposed to be +5 degrees and rain!!! Weird winter, and I'm sick of it now. I hope the roads are ploughed - in the meantime we're back to work tomorrow.

Enjoy this wonderful new year of 2008. Intuitively it feels like a major positive year.

Christmas Day

2007-12-25T17:34:00.000-08:00

Oh what a wild month... We moved, and I still need to find all my clothes... Boxes everywhere. No internet until Christmas Eve... I went to bed appreciating that Brian could put our bed together - no more crawling on the floor... Two weeks of futon on the floor is too much for my back.

It was a quiet day for a Christmas. No visitors, no extra guests for dinner. I still struggle with childhood memories... Angry, drunken and abusive/violent father alone in the house with 2 scared little girls because our mother was working at the hospital. The scenes play and replay, and the sense of hollowness is as fresh now as it was 40 years ago. I try so hard to make Christmas so very different for our little girl. This year with no money, no ornaments, no Christmas tree, it feels a little empty. No money to exchange gifts with my husband. At least we could get an oven and a dishwasher (all on credit) to make a reasonably good meal. I want to get the better of my ghosts of Christmas past.

I like my new kitchen arrangement. The cupboards are great, although we don't have a table in the kitchen. My old monstrous pine table is too big for the space, so we have it in the livingroom for now. Later it will morph into a sewing table when we have a smaller one to replace it...

The new job is working out quite nicely. Brian and I appreciate the really nice people we work with in chaplaincy. It makes for a peaceful oasis when working in a prison setting.

The dogs and cats made it safely. The cats are pretty much acclimated, but Starr is having some problems with keeping put in our yard. No 50 acres here. So he's having accidents in the house and dislikes being tied to a tether in the yard. Max won't come upstairs with us at night, meaning the cookie routine at bedtime has been eliminated. We're not sure why Max isn't coming upstairs. The dogs seem really worried.

We've settled in to the idea of a trip to Wasaga tomorrow as Angeni wants this Nintendo thing at Walmart. I can't imagine what kind of zoo that will be... She got some gift cards, so we'll try.

I hope the season is brilliant and healing... That peace flows through you like a stream... And love replaces everything that hurts or haunts you. A-ho.

Anniversary Snooze

2007-12-09T14:02:00.000-08:00

I can't believe we've been together 13 years today... and married 12 years ago today!!! One baby and a million animals later, we're still happy and still laughing. The move is a mere 3 days away and we're up to our ears in boxes. The house is painted and unrecognizable. While I'll miss this place, I have to disconnect spiritually and emotionally so it will sell... It is quite an unusual feeling to be a week away from full-time work and a regular paycheque. I think we'll do alright.

The more things change...

2007-12-02T17:42:00.000-08:00

Well, in my case things aren't staying the same. Wow. On Nov. 16th we got word of a new posting in the Penetanguishene area. We've painted the house, renovated the bathrooms, and packed about 2/3rds of our life. We secured our financial stuff, and generally have complete chaos in the home. All the animals are distressed. I am distressed that the outside animals won't come in on moving day, and they'll get left behind - meaning friends will have to come and get them and bring them to us... I'm trying not to put that thought out as a fear to the universe, just something to plan around.

I'm going to miss this place in Varney and all the memories: llamas, alpacas, chickens, Jujube the donkey, Lucky and Mabel the horses... We arrived with Nonny, Zuna Piggles, Ethol Louise Carnivore, Spike and Pooky, and those last 3 have passed... We acquired Mr. Bill, Max the 1st (now deceased), Bob, Spunky, Maxine, Starr and Angel Piggles... I'll miss the pines, the sense of womb-like seclusion, and most of all, the spirit of this land.

Our new jobs put us in contact with a native population that requires our services, and we'll be paid. That's kind of novel, for us. Our new home has more space in the house and fewer stairs. What we lose in property we gain in proximity to the beaches and water - a big deal for Angeni. This is a 9-year cycle that ends a distinct chapter in our lives - Angeni's early childhood.

When I'm an old lady I'm pretty sure I'll review my life and remember this home as the one I loved the most.

Moody Winter

2007-11-07T16:10:00.001-08:00

I was aghast to rise and see winter on the trees, and settled on the lawn... my calendula are covered over in a snowy blanket, so there are no more crops. I bagged the last dry florets today... I'm overcome with that gripping numb reality that says, "snow tires NOW", "get the clothespins in NOW", and who can forget "wear your boots/wipe your feet NOW"...

Experiencing the first snow is like losing your virginity... You can't say "I didn't like that, so I want to go back a be a virgin again." No matter how unpleasant the experience, you are changed... I'm at the other end of the spectrum. Winter's arrival is like menopause's arrival - cold, hard, fast and not predicted. My emotional landscape is covered in some schizophrenic blanket of crap and I easily fall and slip in it.

Like tonight. So not a stellar night to be writing anything the world will read. Except to say a dear friend, while visiting on the weekend, suggested I have too many spatulas. I countered that not all of them are for the same purpose, and I am writing a cookbook - all kitchen tools are on deck these days. She didn't believe me... she thinks I'm hoarding spatulas. Weird Al Yankovic and I are maybe the only people in the world who appreciate spatulas - he pays homage to them in a video where the protagonist goes to "Spatula World". I should apply as regional manager of Spatula World.

Maybe it's not menopause after all... maybe it's the attack on my culinary tool collection. I suggested I might take some spatulas up to the bedroom - isn't that a novel usage? My visiting friend just laughs at me, and says she misses my humour. Good thing she lives far away when I've slipped on my hormonal nightmare and landed in the sewage.

However, my husband, who turned 61 today, is knee-deep in the menopausal morass. He hasn't had a celebrated birthday. Didn't want a cake, so I baked him a pumpkin pie. It's the first time I didn't get him a card. I wasn't out, and e-cards are kinda crass - I'd rather not go there... We've worked hard lately, and it's a good thing the van needs extensive servicing in Guelph. He'll be away all day and I'll have the house to myself, to quietly work on jewelery commissions. I think a day away in Guelph and some time apart is good for us.

When he comes home, the snow tires will be on the van... I'll have the clothespins in the house, and a boot mat by the front door, with a place to wipe one's footwear. Maybe by that time, I'll meet him at the door with nothing on but a smile and a spatula clenched between my teeth. Yeah, right.

Halloween Havoc

2007-11-01T07:45:00.000-07:00

I feel no remorse in stealing the name of a wrestling pay-per-view to title my blog entry. It is "All Saints Day" officially today, and "All Souls Day" tomorrow. The spooky triumvirate falls in the midst of the 2.5 weeks running from Oct. 25th to Nov. 11th, when the veil between worlds is the thinnest, and our communication with the departed is at its peak. How is your spiritual communication? Good, I hope - this is the perfect time to catch up on ethereal gossip and connect with those loved ones we haven't chatted with in awhile... I certainly do.

We had a number of occurrences here a couple weeks ago - the levitation of an umbrella in front of a client, the slamming of Angeni's door 3 times during a gathering, and finally the cord on the dining table lamp being pulled - and the light coming on - in front of Brian and myself. Seems my dad had something to say, and felt worried that Angeni spends too much time alone in her room. We acknowledged his concern - she has joined us more in the main part of the house - and the haunting behaviours have stopped for now...

Angeni and I have an annual mother/daughter ritual of going out for Hallowe'en together. I take her to the usual haunts in Varney, then into Durham, and home through the back concessions. It takes us about 2.5 hours. It was initially a bit tense, but she relaxed and we had a great time. The clocks used to go back to eastern standard time the weekend before Hallowe'en, but Canada is following the US initiative to wait until this coming weekend. Thus, we were going out at 6 PM while it was still light - that felt weird - but necessary with her bedtime and the route we take. Suffice to say we had a howling good time. The night was warm at 16 degrees Celsius, and it didn't start to rain until we parked the van at home - spooky!

Don't be the dummy who forgets to turn back your clock this weekend! Remember to sleep in and keep cozy.

Wild and Wacky Weddings

2007-10-31T10:40:00.000-07:00

We had an interesting shamanic gathering on Sunday the 28th - it was our annual "feast of the dead" celebration for the ancestors, and additionally, a wedding. For weeks we busted our buns to get the renovations done that would give me a functional main floor bathroom (as long as the guests didn't need to shower) and a working kitchen. Why? Not only were we feasting at lunch, but after the wedding, we hosted the reception dinner, here at Moonstar. My goodness - I was still icing cakes at 11:00 PM the night before, and sewing special ceremonial shirts. Brian and I haven't worked that hard in years...

The animals were unusually silly during the festivities. Maxine was highly conflicted - she wanted to be inside with us, but the noise and the energy of 19 people had her agitated. So she went to the door every 5 minutes. Poor Denise was the one controlling Max's ins-and-outs. That duty should fall to a menopausal female, as those hormone rushes require some cooling off - that isn't Denise yet. I'd bought rawhide bones to keep them busy during the wedding, but the dogs decided that any other dog's bone was more interesting than the one they were given, hence some posturing started. It got a bit aggressive.

The cats, while very interested in cream cheese cake icing, were not as upset as the dogs. The only cat in the room during the main festivities was (surprisingly) Zuna. Nonny and the rest of the felines went to various sleeping stations upstairs, away from our madding crowd. No one's shirt caught on fire; no one set off the fire alarm; and there was enough food for all. The only technical glitch was the video camera didn't work during the ceremony. We all saw the light go on, and the aperture opening and closing - however, I suspect the ancestors don't like photos. Mercifully there were several digital cameras, so the "still" photographs happened.

So with a few days to clean up and rest, we're dealing today with Hallowe'en. Angeni and I have an annual mother-daughter routine, which I've done since she was very small. I drive her into Durham, after visiting the friends on Varney Road, and we come back about 9 PM. This is quite a silly evening for mother and daughter - it's one of the few things given my disabilities I can do with her. It is a warm day, but the wind is high - I know this is heralding a profound drop in temperature, and probably more rain, but I would like the wind to die down for this evening. I don't like the cold.

My friend Philomene will have arrived in Sedona by now... I hope her workshops are productive. I wish I was in Sedona right now, actually....

Have a Spooky Funky Hallowe'en!!!

A Tail of Two Kitties

2007-10-27T19:52:00.000-07:00

So I'm sitting here with my old friend Nonny cat... I'm typing and she's purring. I was reminded of an old behaviour today when the phone rang - Nonny was lying on my desk at the time and reached over to sniff the phone. When we lived in Guelph, we had a huge buttoned speaker phone, which sat on a table by the window. Nonny would walk across this phone on the way to the windowsill to watch birds with Pooky.

We found out that even as a very young cat, she liked to order pizza.

When she walked across the phone, she first stepped on the speaker button... then hit the auto dial button for the pizza parlour in the Grange St. plaza. The first time we caught her, I could hear "Hello, hello??? Who's there? Damn kids!!!" Nonny was just sniffing into the microphone, and the guy could hear her - I guess he thought it was an obscene phone call... Clearly he didn't have call display. Since this was our favourite pizza place at the time, we stopped in one day and told the guy about the cat. He laughed, and said he understood, and also suggested we move the phone!! I couldn't really move the phone, I just had to watch Nonny a little more carefully.... He asked one time if he could come over and see Nonny do her thing. We obliged, and he set up his daughter to answer the phone when he was dropping off a pizza for us... He got a good chuckle - all I had to say to Nonny and Pooky was "Birds, Nonny, birds!!" and they scrambled to the window taking her usual route across the phone. When the daughter answered, Nonny sniffed away at the voice. Too funny.

Thankfully that old phone is long burned out, so Nonny can't order pizza. I wouldn't really mind, as long as she paid and there weren't anchovies on it...

As for the other tail/tale of kitties... Tonight I had to bake a wedding cake. Actually two - one to decorate in a silly manner, and one "for good"... I baked a third cake to decorate with gummy worms, gummy frogs, licorice babies, and marshmallow monster faces. Oh yeah, and gelatin body parts. This last cake is for the shamanic gathering tomorrow, where the wedding takes place. My shaman feast at lunch, and perform the wedding with me in the afternoon. After they leave, I'm doing a dinner for the happy couple - complete with wedding cakes. Anyway, I'm doing my level best to ice these cakes and naturally, every cat we own is in the house because of the rain. It's also a lot of fun to "help" mommy. Icing, especially butter cream and cream cheese are deeply yummy. Good to lick, good to sit on - you get the picture. It took 3 armed guards to watch the cakes while they cooled, in order to keep cats off them... Nonny, of all the cats, doesn't eat people food. Cakes are for sleeping on. Get it right. So after being dutifully decorated and wrapped, I've actually put them in my sewing room (door shut) for the night. Here's hoping they're safe.

It's going to be a loooooonnnnngggg day tomorrow. Gotta get some sleep.

It's been awhile...

2007-10-19T10:47:00.000-07:00

Not sure why, but I haven't blogged in exactly a month. Part of this is the chaos of renovations, another part is all the time and effort spent job-hunting and finally the chaos of renovations. I'm not sure what is so disturbing about all of this, but it is disturbing. A friend suggested Brian and I take the time to do our pipe together - we haven't I must admit - in nearly 4 months. One reason I don't do my pipe as often is that I also have a direct line to spook land, and for whatever it's worth, they do have some interesting perspectives. One insight is, if we had the money when we first moved in here, we'd have done all these renovations 8 years ago - wallpaper removal, painting over their smoky walls, replacing the flooring (which had holes even then), updating the bathrooms and fixing the porch. Instead we put on a roof, put in a furnace and air conditioner, and built paddocks. So, even if we don't "move" away from here, we've done what most people do, and that's update and upgrade. If we don't move it will be a clean and fresh start.

The renovations are at all levels - physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual. It's never comfortable and never pleasant. We can't find anything - beloved chatchki's are not in their places and we can't find clean clothes. Both bathrooms are nearly out of commission because of the reno's and this is upsetting. Having no water for long periods of time is a bummer. Most of my appliances are moved and disconnected. What could possibly be worse? The clients are staying away in droves... No income, big bills, and a sense of not knowing whether we have to move or not... Even with a good chat line to the beloveds, they cannot make decisions for me/us, so they stay quiet. My choices are my responsibility. I accept that....

If I push the envelope and elect to stay, one or both of us must take an outside job. Brian is almost 61 and I'm 50 - there is an invisible gray ceiling, even with the tsunami of the boomer generation changing things. I have obvious physical limitations, and this is a hindrance - whether it 'should" be or not, it is... Classes are poorly attended and there is no ministerial income, It's all very disturbing.

It is four months ago today that my beloved Pooky died and I'm still grieving.

So I guess I probably (subconsciously) haven't written because I don't think people need to read my whining on this blog. I'll write when I have something upbeat and funny to say.

Take care... Kathryn

Renovation Boogey

2007-09-19T11:16:00.000-07:00

Summer is back with a vengeance, even if just for a few more days... it's gorgeous out there, and we are blessed to have some painting going on to spruce up the outside. In another couple of weeks there will be too much rain for regular outdoor painting - hopefully this will be done by the weekend and Brian can move it all indoors. We're doing those little things to the place like replacing broken windows, adding a new screen door, tearing off old wallpaper, and removing visual clutter. The load of junk going out the door is incredible. Repairing and painting the inside walls will add considerably to the freshening of the place. I'm glad the windows can be open for most of the time... Neither Angeni nor I tolerate paint fumes.

Lucky and Mabel seem to be doing well in their new homes... Brian does miss Lucky, though, and we both notice how dead the barn feels without them. However, it is as the song says "time passages", and we must look ahead.

There is a new autumn newsletter, just published today - it has been emailed to everyone on our list, but after this evening it can be accessed from the website as well. Or email Brian and ask to be sent a copy... As it indicates, we've canceled our autumn equinox gathering this weekend due to all the renovations going on...

People have been asking about the book I was published in this summer... I don't have any extra copies, but they can be purchased from the Anishnabeg Outreach Centre in Guelph, or from Ningwakwe Learning Press directly. The book is called "River Bundles An Anthology of Original Peoples in the Waterloo-Wellington Region". If you contact me directly I can give you the email of my friend in the editorial group, the Plume Writers Circle. I also just received "Portico", the magazine of the Alumni Association at the University of Guelph, and I'm featured in an article on alumni with unusual jobs... Yeah, I'd say this is unusual.

Sometime soon you'll be able to see my art work in the Ontario Craft Council's web portal called the "Portfolio of Makers". This was submitted for a deadline in July, but I worked on it for nearly two years. It will be up and running shortly.... And, I have been contracted to teach native beadwork to a class during the Canadian Doll Artists Association convention next April. I've been a member now for almost 4 years, and I've never been able to afford to attend their convention. Now I get a chance to go and teach - how exquisite! Things are looking up in my art world.

Tonight is meet the creature night... I mean, Meet the Teacher night. We don't especially need to go, since this is the second year Angeni has been taught by this teacher, but Angeni is anxious for us to go... It's also a scam to buy books from Scholastic, which is what Angeni really wants in the long run. It's a tight month financially, so we'll see... It may be a quiet ride home.

Looks like we're doing a wedding here next month... more details to follow! Have a wonderful equinox weekend.

Winds of Change

2007-09-10T12:15:00.000-07:00

Mabel and Lucky went to their new home yesterday, and the chickens head out today - right now in fact. That leaves the barn empty... All the dogs and cats that remain are healthy and happy and won't be leaving - Angeni is happy there are no more animals going anywhere.

We didn't get our jobs down east. The Dear John/Dear Jane letters arrived today. Out of 9 elders who applied, 7 were required, and Brian and I got dumped. It makes me reticent to talk about any further developments, as I don't want anyone else having to deal with our roller coaster. Some of the pressure of waiting is off, but even now, we've hit the ground running in our application for another position with a different ministry. It has to be done by Wednesday.

In the meantime, since we have to sell our home anyway, we're continuing with minor repairs and painting. The house is a royal mess - wall paper is partially stripped off in the downstairs, and there is a lot of damage in the plaster/drywall to repair before painting. With the bathrooms also requiring a lot of finishing and repair, we're going to cancel Autumn Equinox celebrations for this year. Getting this place done by the 22nd isn't possible, especially with Brian working part-time.

We're doing the day-by-day dance...

Lucky & Mabel

2007-09-09T07:24:00.000-07:00

It is a bittersweet Sunday - we found new homes for Lucky and Mabel and our friends are coming today to pick them up. Eventually the chickens will go there as well... Angeni isn't really happy about this, but the best comfort I can offer is that we can visit our friends' farm anytime and see them - the horses won't forget us. Small comfort to a grieving child whose seen so many changes and experienced so much loss this summer...

However, life goes on, and Angeni is well entrenched in Grade 4. So far all she can say about her year is "boring" as there is a lot of writing and review, from her perspective. I trust it will liven up, and eventually whenever we get moved, she'll have the excitement of a new school to adjust to...

On this sleepy Sunday Brian is busily stripping wallpaper in the dining room. I've done my morning emails and scanned the news. We watched an episode of Celebrity Paranormal Project last night, so I did a bit of research on that episode's location. I miss being out "in the field" doing this exact work. I also miss standing in front of a congregation delivering messages. This celebrity show is quite ridiculous, as there is no recapitulation of what was found by the team of B-list celebrities - the entire show focuses the camera on their genuine fear and reactions to the paranormal. I'm not a fan, but I watch to see what I can discern in the background of the shots.

Anyway, as the day rolls along, I have 3 crystal necklaces to make (commissions) and a Metis ornamental ceremonial shirt to finish. I researched a more historically correct placket to finish the sleeves. This particular gentleman has arms longer than the pattern allowed, so this meant some tricky reworking of the sleeve with the cuff/placket. I'm pleased that I can get this finished in the next day or so to give him when he visits on Thursday. I figured out the tricky repair to a neckline of a rayon dress I've been mulling over, and hemmed 3 pair of pants which have been sitting there for months, awaiting my ministrations. I hemmed 2 new track pants for Angeni. She thought it was too warm for track pants, until I showed her the forecast for next week - some mornings it suggests no more than about 6 degrees when she gets on the bus!! She'll need the fleecy pants!! Slowly I am checking off the sewing list in my mind...

It's another couple of weeks before we hear whether we got the job postings or not... it's been stressful for the family. The wheels of government grind slowly, and I keep reminding Brian that is isn't personal. As will anything bureaucratic, there is a careful dotting of i's and crossing of t's... It isn't personal. The universe has to make things happen as it suits all parties involved, not just us because we're anxious to move on. The donkey and horses got placed speedily, and other aspects of this shift have happened swiftly and beautifully - we just need to be patient and allow the universe to unfold. Manifestation is happening.

Have a wonderful, blessed week...

Labour Day mission of Love

2007-09-02T16:00:00.000-07:00

So it's the most exquisite sunny Sunday - the middle of the labour day weekend... we've had a quiet weekend at home as our original plans had to be changed. The nature of our life right now means we adapt to flying by the seat of our pants, and landing without skid marks on the runway. We'd originally thought to take Angeni to the beach today, and there were other options, but none of them could happen. Last night she and her father went to a bush party for a girl friend turning 10, and that was an important experience. The mere thought of "bush party" would normally send cold chills through most parents, but this was a family thing. They enjoyed themselves.

I've had problems with a bowel obstruction made worse by gastroenteritis. I felt like I should have lived in the bathroom for these last several days. However, sleep-deprivation and pain aside, we're going to attempt another barn-burner sleepover in the trailer, with our friend Philomene. This should be interesting... we've got snacks, sleeping bags, coffee and cream for the morning, stuffed animals, playing cards with cows on them, and I'll take my knitting. The guitar is a given, but I'm not sure about my kazoo. And who could forget those feminine hygiene products? (Angeni goes "ewww" when she sees them.) We'll have a night without cats or dogs, and Brian gets to sleep in the house by himself, lucky bastard.

Mabel and Lucky will be going to a new home this week in Gowanstown, along with the remaining chicken family. Our old friends Moe and Kath are quite happy to receive them, and I'm donating a disco ball for the chicken coop - there is one rooster who has a penchant for disco. Got to make the transition easy for him, right? That gets all of our charges dealt with who can't come with us on the next phase of our lives - and thankfully the horses have a home for life. No more moves... their fate could have been worse.

Anyway, we're doing some fairly complex renovations to the house and getting it ready to go on the market sometime soon. Stripping wallpaper is horrible, despite steamers, concentrated acid removers and scrapers. We inherited this paper from the previous owners and I've always hated wallpaper. For me, it's white walls, and wild colourful accents - I'm not stuck with what the walls dictate when I decorate that way... In the next few days, when Angeni goes back to school on Tuesday, we'll begin another intense round of purging. In analyzing what we'll keep and what we'll shed, we're looking at over 70% of what we own is being dispersed. It isn't worth lugging to a new home. This is a good exercise for me in letting go of old paradigms and shedding. A snake must shed it's skin in order to grow, and I must unburden myself from the load I've carried in order to blossom. It is time...

Have a wonderful, restorative, restful Monday.

School Break Boogey

2007-08-23T10:59:00.001-07:00

So it is now officially a month left of summer... today is the 23rd of August and while humid and stormy, there are fallen coloured leaves in the driveway. It is a normal sign of the gentle transition to a new school year and the official end of summer on Sept. 23rd. I welcome the leaves, I don't welcome the commerce-driven, retailers' need to start putting out school supplies in July, and Fall/winter clothing by Civic holiday... there really is no need to rush the season by over 7 weeks. One regional dollar store had a full display of Hallowe'en supplies out the day after Canada Day - a full 3.5 months before it is really needed. It gives us the false notion that summer is ending soon and we're missing something. Our lives seem driven by the materialistic rush directed by retailers.

I don't call the school year start on Sept. 4th the end of summer - it is still almost 3 weeks from the start of school until the end of summer. I can still barbecue, still go to the beach and still wear shorts. Anarchist that I am, I will wear white after Labour Day, thank you. What's the rush? Conscious living precludes being in the moment, living fully - it is NOT being worried that if I don't get seasonally appropriate autumn clothes for Angeni by mid-August, that there won't be any to have... Nonsense.

It is the normal time to begin harvesting and preserving food for winter. It is the correct time to make medicines and purge things that no longer serve myself or the family. Late summer cleaning, and late summer "taking stock". All in good time...

The week started out on the cool side, but has become seasonally hot and humid, if overcast. A friend commented that the protracted cold wave has inspired her to close her pool early. I hope she holds off - I think we'll have another hot spell, and her kids will thank her for not closing the pool.

Angeni is away at a friend's cottage for the night. Brian is in Holstein, working, doing seed cleaning. I'm home - alone - for about 7 hours - it's the first time I've been completely alone since I went away with Pooky in early June. That seems like such a long time ago - 2.5 months or so. She's been dead now over 2 months... I miss Pooky still so very much, but I'm almost giddy that I have this private time to myself. I think I deserve a nap....

Spunky and Skunky

2007-08-17T19:27:00.000-07:00

My goodness - our dear old dog Spunky approaches 10 years old. You'd think that with fairly recent past experiences of skunks she would learn. Nope - the Biggus, dad's girl, Queen of the Nip Nips has not learned the skunk lesson. Within the last 3 years she got sprayed twice in the same day. Normally Spunk is a good adoptive mother, and really smart, but her skunk attacks didn't teach the black Newf pups a damned thing.

A couple of mornings ago, our dearest Spunk took umbrage with a local Pepi Lepew, and got nailed. Right in the ear. Naturally she sleeps on the floor by my side of the bed, making the past few nights somewhat difficult - she takes my breath away, literally. I can't see worth a damn, so my sense of smell is quite acute. Leaving the window open is fine until about 3:30 AM when the stupid rooster starts. I wish the skunk would douse him with stink so he'd be quiet.... I'm the kind of sleeper that needs the room dark, and some kind of noise like a fan so I don't hear other noises. It's been too cool at night for the fan, so I'm stuck with rooster noise and Spunky Skunky Stink. It's the only time I don't smell Brian and his phenomenal digestive skills.

Angeni has a birthday party to attend this weekend, and she seems to be looking forward to it. This is a new little fellow to the neighbourhood, so I hope after his party he feels integrated. We've recovered from the birthday party last weekend for Angeni, and after a week of enduring us working, I am glad she gets Sunday afternoon to be with other children. She hasn't had exposure to many kids this summer. I have a blanket to sew for her - a gift from one of her friends. I was in no rush to finish it for her, but the down-turn in temperature makes the nights chilly, so she's asking for it. I've got it all pinned so it can be sewn tomorrow, after our morning client.

Well, I guess it is time to settle in for the night - Blogger records things in Pacific time, and I'm eastern, so it's getting past my bedtime. I wish I had ear plugs, but I can't really have nose plugs. I hope Spunky learns!!!

Birthday Blowout

2007-08-12T15:16:00.000-07:00

Well it took weeks of prep, but the 9th birthday party has come and gone... Angeni had 4 friends visit - we're unsure what happened to one child, who didn't RSVP. I was so tired by the time yesterday came, that I'm glad Angeni's godmother Kaaren and our friend Phil came to entertain. It took 3 women and one man to keep 5 children in line... Anyway, she had a great day.

We very much needed the rain today... the grass is burnt to a crisp and the trees are beginning to show stress. Although t cleared up briefly before dinner, I see more clouds, so hopefully the long-predicted storms for today are going to be a reality.

It is quite a time for intense working, and we've had a trip for meetings in Bracebridge and Gravenhurst earlier in the week. We don't yet know the outcomes of the meetings, and won't until about the end of August - this is the hard part. We can't put our house on the market like it is, but we also can't afford the debt we'll have to carry to prepare the house for sale. without a signed contract. Weird dichotomy. So we content ourselves with purging - furniture, garbage, clothing, old housewares, unwanted appliances, and more. We haven't finished 1% of the work, and not really any packing away. However, the big house trailer is fixed and ready to transport should it come to that. Many of our clients are coming for final meetings with us, in case we have to move in a hurry and can't have closure.

On another note, the night after we buried Pooky, I found a breast mass on my old cat Nonny. By the end of the week she had a mastectomy. Now I notice she's twitching a bit, like an involuntary spasm. Not knowing cat auric colours with any sense of proficiency, I can't say for sure, but I suspect she has metastases in the brain. It would account for episodes where I see her pupils dilated unequally. Her behaviours haven't really changed and she's still eating and affectionate - we'll keep watch and see how she progresses. I will miss her if it's her time, but she's done well to pass 16 years.

Jujube has a new home on our farrier's farm. The horses were bugging him a lot, and he seemed unhappy. The farrier lives nearby and has another donkey, so Jujube has a friend and a job - guarding sheep. This change came about very quickly, so we have been blessed to get a good home for him. Now it is time for homes for Lucky and Mabel, hopefully together, but not likely. We think Mabel can go back to her original stable, as the fellow wanted her last year, and Lucky will take some work. As long as they aren't turned into dog food, we're happy. Saving Lucky these past 5 years wasn't for the purpose of having him killed by someone unscrupulous.

We're keeping our fingers crossed about this new venture - keep praying for us!! Blessings to all in these dog days of August...

Heating Up

2007-07-30T15:05:00.000-07:00

And I don't mean the weather, although I'm now really glad we've got air conditioning... The Ont. Craft Council portfolio is gone, the Canadian Doll Artists Association teaching application is in, and all our new job information. We've had such a busy few weeks. Angeni seems to be handling all the work and all the changes well, but she does have periods of being bored. I wish I could change that for her, but we have bills to pay and work to do... We have too much to do and no fun, and she has not enough to do - and no fun.

We've started purging, and that is quite the experience - furniture and appliances, old clothes, unnecessary dishes - all gone. What's gone doesn't represent 1% of everything yet to pass on. Oh my goodness this is like a tsunami of overwhelm. Brian is looking into renting a huge storage container (which are the back end of trucks) brought to the house, dropped off, and loaded by us as things get packed. Getting the best financial arrangement is going to be crucial and loading a trailer/container weeks ahead of time saves us on moving day, if a moving day comes about. So much to do, so little time, and our hands are tied until a week from now... But we're researching and looking at houses and making contingencies...

We had our shamanic gathering yesterday, and I was given 2 copies of a book in which I was published in recently. It's called "River Bundles: An Anthology of Original Peoples in the Waterloo-Wellington Region". To hold that book in my hands, and read my words was moving, and profound. Wow, I'm really a published author now! Although my writings have appeared in lots of magazines, this just feels different. I look forward to reading the writings of my peers.

We still talk of how to get a new puppy of the Yorkie-poo type (like Pooky); the average price is $750 per puppy, coming from reputable breeders. We've decided to wait until we move, if we move, and get the current stresses settle before introducing a wee one. I also need to give my heart some more time to heal. I was touched that an elderly gentleman who came for his healing appointment on Saturday gave me a $20 bill and said "this is for your puppy fund". He used to like how Pooky laid up on the healing table with him, and he missed her this time. Little acts of kindness mean so much...

We're heading into the Civic holiday long weekend. It's almost unbelievable. We're living fully this summer, and living hard - still things move quickly. Have a good one... we're going to try and relax a bit.

Dancing with Blogs

2007-07-26T06:54:00.000-07:00

I struggle with the notion that, as a minister, I'm trying to be open, "transparent" to use the buzz word, and allow people the space and time to wrap their heads around the idea that Moonstar Lodge is changing. We near bankruptcy, and I'm not going there... I love what I do, but the past two years have shown me that we are not needed for the services we provide here. When the gas prices started inching up - at times dramatically - in the summer of 2005, we noticed a sharp decline in attendance to classes and appointments. It was this way for people coming from a distance AND with locals. The gas debacle made us all nervous, so many people clamped down, removing anything non-essential from their priorities. We sold off our llama herd and cur expenses on all fronts to meet that challenge - including not replacing our old truck when it died.

When people come for counseling and tell me that they're boxed in, and things aren't working in their lives, I tell them - without exception - to examine what isn't working from the perspective that the Creator may be telling them, not very succinctly, that it's time to move on. This could be from a job, a marriage, a family/friend situation - whatever. We've examined the timing of some recent opportunities and have decided to go after them. And while it all looks promising, there are no guarantees. I will make announcements only after contracts are signed. What would a successful opportunity mean to Moonstar? Here are our thoughts:

The church, and all it's functions (weddings, funerals, naming, inipis) still truck on - we don't change what we do...
Moonstar is the name of the property, like "Tara" in Gone with the Wind; there will be a Moonstar Lodge to go to. However,
While we perform our new duties, all healing appointments and classes are stopped. Patients will be given a short period of time to make final appointments, then, if they wish, can be turned over to one of the nine shaman we work with...
There will still be spiritual services at equinox and solstice times.
As time permits, I will resume channeling over the internet with Skype and my wonderful computer eyeball.
Should we move, there will always be people who find that we're out of reach - it happened when we left Guelph, it happened when we left Wolverton, and will happen when we leave here.

The long and short of it is - we have to protect this beautiful child we've been given to care for; she deserves a stable home life and a university education. By the time she finishes a basic masters-level education, Brian would be 75 and I'll be 65. There are no guarantees about our health, so we have to make whatever changes necessary to ensure that she has a bright future.

The Buddhists and the Pueblo peoples of the southwest have, since ancient times, done these beautiful mandalas in sand - the sand paintings. They gather dyes, and work out motifs, then spend long times with their creations, knowing full well that within hours and days of their completion, nature will reclaim them. Why would they go to all that trouble? Don't they have enough to do? Quite the opposite - it is a statement of acceptance that things to not remain the same. We have choices and we have a certain flexibility around how long we stick with a situation, but ultimately things will change. Fear of change is NOT our ally.

My response to gossip is to clamp down, and stop communicating. That may not help in this case, but gossip infuriates me, and was one of the reasons I left the Spiritualist community - there is no place for gossip in a church environment. People expressing opinions of sadness about our changes have every right to do so - but whether it is this month, next year or whenever, Moonstar is changing. We choose to see this as an opportunity to broaden our community and serve those who are least served. We choose to make this a healthy transition and not see it as a "loss" - we need to show Angeni positive models for accepting change. God only knows her world will spin even faster than ours has, and she'll need to learn how to cope.

To conclude, I will not speak of these things in this format, or via email again, until we know whether or not we are moving in the short term. I have no further details to give - negotiations are still happening and it will be about 3 weeks before anything definitive is determined. Know that whatever happens, it is in the best interests of those of us involved.

Try to keep cool on this day between thunderstorms!

Wild Weeks

2007-07-20T11:17:00.000-07:00

We're 2/3 of the way through July - I can hardly believe it!! Summer is flying by, and the weather so far has been lovely, although there has been a third round of deer flies which I've never seen in 50 years. My portfolio has flown to Toronto (after 14 months) and we're working on projects for the fall. Right now the house repairs require attention as there may be a move in our near future. Brian is purging the household accumulated garbage and giving away stuff - even furniture - at the curb.

Zuna Piggles, our eldest tabby has been having some problems with the stairs, and so began urinating on the couch. She even climbed under tarps to make her statement, so we've had to get rid of the futon. Mercifully we kept our old futon, so it comes to replace the metal one - this means no more living room naps during the day, as this futon doesn't pull out very easily. I don't have time for naps right now, what with all the shifting...

We're still getting used to life here without Pooky. It's been a progressive acceptance this past month. I look forward to the time Pook lets me know her spirit is ready to return, and we'll look for her arrival, however that manifests.

Once we have our job submissions formalized this week, we'll go through the interview process, some time in early August. Angeni has her birthday party all organized and the kids have been invited. We're looking at 6 kids here on the 11th (including Angeni) and it should be fun as her birthday falls on the Saturday that we can celebrate. We can have a family celebration at the end of the kids' party.

We're off to get Zuna her own brand new litter pan, and are putting it in a place she can access without climbing stairs - I hope this works!!

What a difference a day makes!

2007-07-11T15:07:00.001-07:00

Wow - from 36 degrees yesterday to 19 C right now - what a blessed relief! I slept so poorly because of the heat, even with air conditioning, so I'm really glad today is cooler. It still feels like another weather front maybe coming through our area yet tonight.

I've been working most of the day on my portfolio to submit to the Ontario Crafts Council, and what a walk down memory lane - pictures of Pooky as a puppy, ex-husbands and partners, old friends, me 170 pounds ago, my sister about 100 pounds ago... Angeni was quite taken aback at who all these people were, and laughed from her belly at pictures of Nonny and Ethol as kittens... She didn't recognize me as a teenager, although she recognized all the photos of her grandparents - not sure why since she never met my father.

Anyway, it is like pulling teeth to make decisions about what creations of mine to include and what to exclude. I had to update and polish my artist's statement, biography and artistic CV. There are 3 portfolio binders in all - my main one, which never leaves my studio, the one being shipped to the OCC, and a back-up, should I need one for a future organization. Brian had to print triplicate copies of recent works not photographed since last fall. This has been a labour of labour for 13 months, and I'm now facing a kick-in-the-butt deadline of the 23rd. Begrudgingly I'm back at it... I need to ship it by the end of this week so it arrives before the deadline, since Brian and I have scheduled a few days away at the cottage. I'd like it gone...

This comes on the heels of submitting a teaching proposal for the Canadian Doll Artists Association concerning some courses for their annual convention in April 2008. I have a hard gut feeling that my work isn't topical for the theme of the convention (Salsa) as nothing I do can be construed as Hispanic. The proposal development and support material took a full 2 days to create, and may actually go nowhere, but it did have some off-shoot benefit towards what I'm doing today with the portfolios. A lot of my angst reflects inner turmoil over the quality of my work, and therefore reflects low self-esteem. I guess I fear the portfolio will be rejected. That would be a tough one, although logically they displayed several of my pieces for 4 months last summer, so why would they accept my work last year and not this year? It's just fear speaking.

We haven't had time to process anymore information about Yorkie-poo breeders in Southern Ontario. With all the client and submission work there has been little time for outside interests, like researching puppies. I'm not feeling quite ready, either. I want to wait until the fall to find another wee lass to bring home. Part of the distraction is more job preparation - we could end up moving this autumn. There is so much up in the air, and the times are exciting - I feel a sense of increased energy and anticipation. It's all good, and things are unfolding as they should...

Even if we do move, my work with these various organizations stays the same, so I'd better give myself another kick in the pants and get back to work... I'm so close to having it all done...

Finally some rain...

2007-07-08T14:27:00.000-07:00

It's nice to hear the gentle pitter-patter of rain off the steel roof... the roll of thunder is almost soothing, and not so loud the dogs can't relax. Normally Spunky cowers at the sound of thunder...

I watched a terrible show on the Waverly Tuberculosis hospital (Kentucky) last night; a show populated by B-list actors who were themselves scarier than anything they encountered. Having worked in hospitals, nursing homes and prisons, the clear hands-down scariest place for ghosts is a hospital. This program, part of a series, does nothing for proper paranormal investigation, and has little to do with anything scientific. I watched for the background and not the "stars". I believe it's called Celebrity Paranormal Investigation - watch and be forewarned! Waverly is a very haunted place and deserves better coverage - would that I could go there.

Nonny improves daily from her mastectomy ordeal. The vet said she would not normally have done surgery on a cat of 16 years, yet Nonster is in such good shape she felt safe doing the surgery. Nonny came home that afternoon, got out of the carrier, and promptly ate - if one didn't lift her up to see the shave marks, you'd never know she was any different. I am so relieved that she seems well... it's been just over two weeks, and her stitches came out last Wednesday. Her incision doesn't bother her, and she'll let me touch the wound site to check for ingrown hairs. The vet thinks she might be one of those cats who lives to 25 - I hope so. In the meantime, Zuna is peeing where she shouldn't be, and it isn't because of the state of the cat litter. It is checked every couple of days, and there are several litter boxes. Zuna has had FUS and crystals in the past, but this might also be an infection. In the meantime we must shut our bedroom door and cover the couch every time we leave. That's annoying.

Well, the frequency of the thunder increases so I'd better post this and shut down.

Nice weather

2007-07-07T14:25:00.001-07:00

So far, July has been a pleasant month, weather-wise - it reminds me of Salt Spring Island when I was out there in 1990... breezy, mid-20's and not a lot of humidity. We're taking advantage of this pleasantness to do some family outings. Today we looked for the Durham Dam festival, and that bombed, trundled to the Flesherton Farmer's market, and ended in Markdale. There was an ice cream festival in Markdale, but we stopped at the quilt shop for me... had to have a quilting supply fix. I found some bear joints and since I have some bears to make up, I am excited to have some more joint sets.

I am trying to walk more, and my crocs help me manage to move with the plantar fasciitis being so painful. I thought they were the ugliest, silliest fad going, until I talked to some nurse friends who tell me that they couldn't last their 12-hour shift without them. I've tried them and I'm a croc fan. Angeni and Brian even have some! We need some of the funky buttons that snap through the holes to make them special...

It will be 3 weeks on Monday that Pooky passed - there isn't a day I don't think of her wistfully. There are certain things we can do now, like sleep without night lights. There are no sheets to wash in the morning, and we don't have to carry her everywhere - but despite all the extra work she was at the end of her life, we miss her dearly. I've checked with local Yorkie-poo breeders, and I am shocked that the prices are so high - $750/pup, but a contract is signed, and the dog is guaranteed free of genetic problems for life. I guess that's worth the money, but I have to put up a Puppy Fund jar and stick my end-of-the-day change in there, so I can get to $750 for the fall. Pooky has come to me once in a journey, and she was still weak, but barked at me to be picked up - she hadn't been able to bark for a couple of weeks before she passed, so I was taken aback at that. She isn't strong enough spiritually to return yet, and we'll do a shamanic journey when she is ready to take her to the kennel and have her reborn, if she wants that... it will be her choice. Whether it is Pook again, or another gentle spirit, we're looking for another Yorkie-poo. If the circumstances of the universe dictate otherwise, we might end up with a wee poodle or even a Yorkie, so I leave it open to the Creator. Whoever comes has to be female, or Spunky will take serious exception.

Angeni seems to be having an alright summer, so far... She and I spent an overnight at my sister's place in Sauble Beach. earlier this week. I ended up with a touch of gastric distress from the water - Sauble's revenge, I guess. As I reconnect with my sister, we'll head up more often and give Angeni a chance to have some family expansion - my sister is all I have left of my family. Brian and I are going away for a couple nights - alone - later this month. To comfort Angeni, she is having her two favourite people "Aunty Kaaren" and Philomene here to kid and critter sit. They'll spoil her silly. B&I haven't been away together in over 10 years, so this should be interesting.

It's a busy time artistically for me, as I have some course submissions for the Canadian Doll Artists next conference, in the hopes of being asked to be a teacher, and also I have to get my portfolio into the OCC by the 23rd for the Portfolio of Makers. This puts a lot of pressure on me this week - it's positive pressure - and the proverbial kick in the butt to expend some energy in the artistic direction. I feel enthused, even uplifted, about both endeavours.

Our gardens look beautiful and the planters really perk up the porch. I'd sit out there this evening and enjoy them, except we're having round 3 of deer fly season - that's the down side of cooler July weather. Better get back to work!!!

Chippies

2007-06-26T17:59:00.000-07:00

Our resident striped racing rodents, the chipmunks, don't have it easy around here... they are the target of choice for Mr. Bill (the cat) and Starr. Spunky and Max dip into the chippie reserves from time to time, so cannot voice any denial. Coming home tonight we attempted to save a young chippie from Bill, only to have Starr scoop it. It was alive, so I called him to give it to me. He came to the van, and with prodding, relinquished it. The poor thing had the presence of mind to hide under the van, beyond teeth range... all the offending carnivores came into the house with us, so that solved it's problem, at least for now. I didn't seem outwardly too injured, but that's hard to tell...

The I'm shocked at the murder-suicide of Chris Benoit and his family. I would not be surprised if steroids were involved, although the WWE is upset with the media for reporting it was 'roidrage. The psychological effects of steroid use are life-long, in some cases, and mental breakdown can happen years after their use. Anyone whose had chemo or similar knows how that works. In young athletes whose bodies haven't always reached their adult proportions, the effects are devastating - there is joint damage, adrenal alteration, and effects on the reproductive organs. Mentally, the psychoses tend to lean toward paranoia and rage, and thinking becomes warped for the long term, at the very least involving generalized anxiety. WWE are saying his actions were premeditated based on the fact his wife was bound, and probably dead at least 24 hours when he killed his son, and then 24+ hours later he killed himself. He even placed Bibles with them. They claim he was clean for steroids in April, when tested. Well, this could have come from use years ago, and WWE was a part of the infrastructure involved in that early drug culture. Chris had a phenomenal career, but his legacy is shattered by this event - he is likely still a murderer.

Back to reality - Angeni has one more day left of school. Wow this year has flown. I look forward to having that family week off from Thursday until next Wednesday - with all we've been through the last 6 months, we need time together as a family. Better hope there are some chippies left to commune with...

Blog problems

2007-06-25T21:17:00.000-07:00

I've been experiencing problems with my blog at sign-in. Every time I try to access my account, blogger says I don't have a valid email address - that's silly. So it's taken me a bit to retrieve my account...

Slowly my grief over Pooky's death has mellowed, and I'm beginning to smile again... Nonny had a positive surgery on Friday for her metastatic breast cancer (kitty mastectomy) and it's as if nothing every happened to her. She came home on Friday afternoon, very nonchalant, as if she'd been to the hairdressers for a new do; she stretched as she got out of the crate, ate like a pig, and resumed her normal daily activities. At 16 I marvel at her genetics and longevity, as she shows no signs of typical geriatric feline problems, according to the vet's tests. I'm not forcing her to eat the senior wet food - none of the cats will eat it, and it's a waste of money to feed it to the dogs. So, in her senior years, let Nonny eat what she wishes...

We had a powerful and successful inipi/sweatlodge gathering and feast on Sunday, to coincide with our Midewiwin group. It was well-attended, and things went smoothly - we thank Dave, Denise, Robert and Philomene for their assistance in advance to help with the preparations.

Our workload has not abated for several months - meaning we are going 7 days a week. Although we have distance channelings to do, and I have a few necklace orders I should do, Brian has announced that tomorrow is a day "off", more or less... We have clients here Wed morning, so we'll do the channelling in the afternoon, then plan a whole week off from the 28th to July 4th - we'll be here, but not doing clients... It's a week to acclimate to Angeni being home from school. The house is still clean from the weekend, and the laundry is caught up, so tomorrow will be a day off, indeed. If he hadn't demanded it, I'd have plugged away at working.

Actually, during the Canada day weekend, I'd like to fire up the sewing machines and do some needed repairs, finish a Metis ornamental shirt that's languished, and start a new quilt. At the cottage I persevered to begin knitting a sweater for Angeni (Aran style, cable knit cardigan) and I'm enjoying that immensely, although it reminds me of being with Pook at the cottage... I'm turning that into a different paradigm... I'm knitting the memories of Pooky into that sweater. In this heat it seems like an odd time to knit, but I like taking it with me in the car... good stuff.

I'm caught up for awhile with my medicine making, having created a batch of sacred cedar oil for an American client. I got the novel idea to dip the lids in bees wax, so the jars won't leak in transit. I remember my grandmother sealing pickle jars that way... I've got hummus still there, pesto, and a huge batch of fresh calendula cream so all is well until our new crop blooms. The healing necklaces are flying out the door faster than I can make them... I don't know whether it is that they are channeled for the specific needs of the person, or that they are all crystals or what, but I just can't keep ahead. I'm thankful Robert can do custom shopping for me in the big city, so we get just the right specimens. Brian has a number of pictures he's going to post on the website.

I'm sorry to see that the wrestler Chris Benoit died - apparently he killed his family then himself. I believe it's the pressure of that business frankly, and the ruthlessness of the promoters - they treat their stars like machines, and Chris must have caved. My heart goes out to their families...

If I'm not back before Canada Day - have a good one!

Passings

2007-06-20T11:27:00.000-07:00

My little Pooky who shared my life almost 15 years passed away Monday night at 8:55 PM - peacefully, with all of us attending and comforting. She is now buried with the other animals - Spike, Ethol and the original Max (big brother to the black Newfoundland dogs). I have been heartbroken now for weeks as you know, and crying like never before, even when my parents passed... I will miss her unconditional love. As a minister I've done many funerals and memorials, and have kept my wits about me, but this was beyond painful - I have had anticipatory grief for weeks and today I am numb. Brian built a little casket a couple weeks ago, and Angeni donated one of her receiving blankets. Philomene gave Pook a pink rose quartz and we put in her Dino toy and a chewy rawhide. Because of the rain, we buried her quite quickly that night, because things were ready - I didn't want the hole filling with water during the thunderstorms. It happened so fast I forgot to cut a lock of her hair, like I did with Pepi and Ethol.

I'm sure Brian is sick of my tears, but I have a life-time's worth of pain to shed... And yes, Pook has been a great catalyst of healing for me at so many levels. While Brian read Angeni stories for the last 45 minutes Pook lived, I had been holding her, but she wanted to be on her own beside me on the couch. She spread her front legs to widen her chest cavity. I just kept talking softly and gently - I went into strength mode and had no tears then. She looked into my eyes most of the time - she was lucid right to the end.

I thank Liliana for expressing her condolences - she asked who we'd been consulting about whether to euthanize Pook. Well, we talked to the vet repeatedly, other elders, our native healing group and Pooky's spirit guides/teachers/angels - whoever we felt would give us educated, thoughtful, objective opinions on the best course of action. Since Pook had no pain, and her passing was peaceful, we are comforted in knowing that we did what she wanted, in a good and sacred way.

Last night I was scratching Nonny Cat's belly when we were snuggled in bed, and found 2 lumps around a nipple. A quick trip to the vet gave us a tentative diagnosis of metastatic mammary cancer, with a good prognosis. She'll require surgery, but the vet is waiting for the results from blood work she took this morning. Apparently the lab will have the results by tomorrow! Nonny is 16 but in phenomenal condition otherwise - barring problems like diabetes or high creatinine levels, we should be able to proceed with surgery early next week, or maybe even Friday. In the meantime I'll start her on shark cartilage capsules to hasten the encapsulation of the tumours and give the vet a a better surgical session. I hold out hope that we have our Nonny yet awhile.

Angeni had her first long-distance school trip yesterday to the African Lion Safari, south of Cambridge. It was a stormy day for most of the time she was away, so the kids couldn't do a boat ride that was scheduled. She had a great time anyway, and managed to shoot a whole roll of film. I haven't been to the safari in probably 25 years or more, so it will be great to see how it has changed.

I'm having a quiet day - doing office work and getting the housework up to speed. This weekend we have a gathering of the community for our annual summer solstice sweatlodge (inipi) on Sunday. It is a wonderful event, but lots of work. Better get back at it...

Been away...

2007-06-16T16:47:00.000-07:00

What a whirlwind two 2 weeks I've had - been away for 4 1/2 days to a cottage - had the van die there en route home, and have been ensconced in heavy client/channeling requests. All the while, my dear little Pooky is dying... she isn't suffering, but stopped eating on Tuesday. She's still drinking water and responsive, even standing and taking a few steps. Every day she visibly declines. I keep asking Brian to channel and see if she wants to be euthanized, if she is indeed suffering. Every time the answer comes back a resounding "No", that she wants to stay with us, and pass here at her home. It is her choice, and we respect that... we're just keeping her comfortable. I cry a lot...

In the meantime, as we have Father's Day tomorrow, I am also hosting a birthday party for my friend Philomene... We expect Pooky will probably pass sometime tomorrow and we are prepared. Ethol passed on our 10th anniversary, and Pook will probably pass on Father's Day/Phil's birthday. A bittersweet transition.

It's hard to believe that Angeni has 8 school days left for this year - Grade 3 is almost complete. On Tuesday we drive her in to school 90 minutes early so the kids can enjoy a bus trip to the African Lion safari in Cambridge. Angeni really wanted one of us to attend, but we cannot due to work. We will be there at 5 PM to pick her up, and I imagine she'll be wired... We took her out of school yesterday to visit my sister place in Sauble Beach. They gave us some firewood to start the process for next fall, and we had a good chat. My sister and I are transcending some old childhood wounds that have plagued any intimacy in our relationship. This time of healing gives me a sense of getting something back - my sister - when I'm also losing my dog. When one door closes, another one opens...

We're beginning the process of prepping for summer solstice inipi on Sunday the 24th... Fences come down, lawns get cut, cedar gets gathered and wood is chopped. It takes us a good week to get this event ready...

Send your prayers for my little dog...

Rain, rain keep coming!`

2007-06-04T16:44:00.000-07:00

Wow, the calendula grew before my eyes today - literally. I actually watched for about 5 minutes to see the tiny shoots stretching in the rain. This amazed me... The day was freaky in more ways than one... got the oil changed and tires replaced on the van in Guelph. Had to - no more waiting for Brian to get a day off, which happened because of the rain. Pure serendipity. So I took my sewing machine into the place where I purchased it in Guelph since the dealer could see us today... this is an important and expensive machine that I have missed using for 7 months... Turns out they could fix it during our wait for the van... so I could return home with my machine, and no waiting, no return trip to Guelph just to get my machine.

Tomorrow the van gets a trailer hitch/ball so Brian can tow the utility trailer. This is not very exciting, but a farm necessity. It means Brian can retrieve some fire wood gifted from my brother-in-law... this is a head start for next winter.

I'm going away for a few days at the end of this week... I'm having a sense of child-like delirium over the opportunity to be in the shaman's place - where earth and sky meet rock and water. This is a wonderful gift from an old friend. I never got away anywhere in 2006, and I dearly need to...

It amazes me how many people we know are having marital woes... I wrote this to a friend just the other day:

"If you'll indulge me a moment of philosophizing on marriage... having divorced and counselling others all these years, I have learned a few things about this "trial separation" period, and the facilitation of repairing relationships - whether the marriage survives, a couple will need to have some relationship around any children they've birthed... and it should be a healthy relationship."

"Having young children is stressful and other issues (like being unemployed) add a horrifying dimension... If the couple can find a counselor who understands how to help them do a forensic audit (so to speak) of their relationship, they need help to find the real issues. We all have surface (read conscious) issues, but getting to the truth of what is ungluing a relationship can be eye-opening. A good facilitator will help the couple start by seeing that when they were first in love, the pendulum swung one way - now it's in the opposite direction because of stressors, and they may have lost sight of the person they married. A good facilitator will begin with having them dissect what is GOOD in the marriage, then eventually see where it has broken down... if it can be saved, they'll collectively come to that point. What I find most people do is throw the baby out with the bath water - they see the few hundred dollars and inconvenience of counseling as a waste, or somehow unattainable. it's quite the opposite - divorce is really, really expensive. Marriage counseling is worth it... If there are substance abuse or addiction problems, they need to be addressed, for sure..."

The Thunderbeings roar, so the computer needs to be shut down - stay well.

The things we do for love...

2007-05-30T19:28:00.001-07:00

My apologies to Sir Paul McCartney... We've continued to nurse Pooky, and got Angeni through a cold that didn't turn into pneumonia, planted more garden stuff and rearranged same, had clients out the yin yang, and generally coped with our shamanic gathering at the end of May... I really find that busy is good, but too busy makes Kathryn a cranky old bag - especially when I miscarry a pregnancy all within this busy time. It makes for a nauseating ride on the roller coaster of hormones.

The temperature reached 35° C at different times today - a humid extravaganza for May. The mosquitoes are really bad this spring - larger numbers than we've seen for years. The equines spend a lot of their day in the barn, fending off the flying vampires. I commiserate, since I'm housebound with the kamikaze biters.

I've had a run on sacred healing jewellery requests... this has come out of the blue, frankly. I used to make a lot of healing jewellery, especially necklaces, but after Angeni was born we just didn't get back into it at all. Suddenly, 8 requests in 2 weeks - this has meant scrambling for raw gem stock, and I thank Robert for searching out semi- and precious stones to fill in my inventory gaps. We channel what will work the best for a person's issues, be they physical, emotional, intellectual or spiritual, then stone-by-stone, lay out the beads. I'm working with materials like "tiger tail" which I love - this wasn't available when I first did jewelery. Tiger tail is wire coated with nylon and is much stronger for the weightier crystals. It is flexible and makes for a neater finish. This is satisfying artistry, and I love the finished products - every necklace is so unique. Eventually I'll get back into creating the bracelets and earrings... Brian is posting pictures on the website www.moonstarlodge.com if you want to see my babies!

Angeni never ceases to amaze me... Lately she's been talking about/questioning the function of a dreamwalker in altered states of reality and parallel universes. She has attempted journeys to get her own soul fragments back - that she understands (even though in a limited way) the nature of these alternative realities is quite mind-boggling to me. Her questions necessitate I review and fine-tune my awareness of these concepts - I'm going to be forced to be on top of my metaphysical game as the years go by... perhaps this will keep me from becoming complacent. If nothing else our children keep us young at heart...

I feel the tug to go away by myself for just a few days... I need to rejuvenate my soul at the shaman's place - where earth and sky meet rock and water. The thought of leaving Pook at this tenuous time in her decline gives me great guilt - I would hate for her to pass when I am away. At the same time, she has loss of bladder function and keeps us up half the night, which is what I need a break from... I couldn't let her pee on the floor at someone else's place. What if she died at the cottage? Also, we have air conditioning here, and not by the water - a lot of variables, and more not mentioned. It's a tough call, to be sure.

The mother and father bird, practicing tough love, force the babies from the nest when it's time to fledge - there are elements of this with people and situations in my life at so many different levels... The things we do for love indeed!!

Laundry & Mosquitoes

2007-05-23T07:23:00.000-07:00

We're fairly sure now that with whatever happened last week, we'll not be laundering diapers anytime soon (until Angeni gets married and has kids), but I do have to go through another test in a few weeks... for several days the Impregnator went about the house looking rather pale and zombie-like, at the very thought of more little feet tramping about the house....

I did laundry very early this morning and it should have been out on the line by now. I'm stalling, nay, procrastinating actively to avoid the sting of mosquitoes. It is supposed to be the warmest day of the season (so far), and the little blighters fry in the direct sun, so I've thought of waiting until closer to noon so I'm standing in direct sunlight. I got bit last night, and within about 4 minutes the swelling was the size of a saucer - Brian was astounded at the mess of my legs. Already I've had several indoor kamikaze attacks and am using up the "After Bite" solution. Brian is out in the bush wiring fences for a neighbour, and I don't know how he stands it, as he has no shelter from bugs while in the fields. We're using a natural-style repellent, so as not to be exposed to DEET, but it is a losing battle. We've tried it all - Avon Skin-So-Soft, tea tree oil, mixed oil repellents and more - short of bear fat, which a healer friend Eugene uses. With my luck, I'd attract a big old bear looking for love in all the wrong places... with every summer season the Gulf Islands look more and more appealing...

I have so many other things to do, but alas, I feel guilty about the laundry and don't want it to moulder... perhaps putting on my jacket and a mosquito net over my face will do... and that minty green stuff making me smell of... hmmm.... whatever.

Long weekends in Varney

2007-05-20T16:55:00.000-07:00

It was an absolutely gorgeous day yesterday (Saturday) of this Victoria Day long weekend... I was thrilled to see how much gardening Brian managed. He is in the throes of transferring the remaining plants from the medicine wheel into the raised bed, and planting some calendula. I am glad we can save our two historical roses (a rosa ragosa and Carolina wild rose) as the rose hips make fabulous medicines... The giant garlics are happier being thinned and separated. Today, the sun stayed away, and the high reached only about 9 degrees - this felt like winter compared to yesterday. It kept the bugs down, and Brian felt more comfortable working outside. For me, I've had to put the furnace back on for the evening... He is so handy, managing to fix tires on the lawn mower, doing the engine rebuilds, and replacing broken parts. I admire his litany of practical skills.

I got back into jewelery making this weekend, having received 3 custom order requests all at once. It was quite a shift for me, as I had a lot of sorting of supplies before I could actually do the necklaces, but I managed the custom orders, and did up a couple for sale here at the lodge. It is interesting that I do my artwork in fits and starts - sometimes I'll go on a quilting jag, sometimes knitting, and other times nothing at all - it's been nothing for awhile. However, this has inspired me, and I'm right into fixing a few broken necklaces of my own and feeling like I'm accomplishing "artfully" again. Channeling what goes into the necklaces to benefit the purchaser is an interesting sidebar - sometimes the guides and teachers get very specific about exact stones, and other times it is up to my aesthetic. Interesting collective process... Tomorrow I have some mending to do, and will proceed with hemming some pants for Angeni and myself. Not as creative a process, but I do have to be in the mood to do that kind of sewing.

Pooky hangs in here... since April 5th when the vet wanted to euthanize her, she has gotten desperately sick 3 more times, and each time has rallied herself out of it... I was sure that on Friday we'd lost her. I called Brian home from work to help me deal with her... he even built a coffin. She was collapsing and non-responsive at times, yet after sleeping a bit, and being given some IV fluid, she is profoundly better - eating, drinking, urinating, and all the things I know she needs to do to stay alive. This rhinoceros spirit she possesses will not let her falter. Clearly, as she nears 15, she isn't going to have some miraculous rebirthing, but I'm trying to keep her passage as natural as possible, without using the vet's death drugs. I think the Friday problem was an intolerance to her diethylstilbestrol, so we're stopping that from now on...

Angeni has the spring cold I had a couple weeks back. It seems to be staying as a cold, and not going into her lungs. We're glad of this, and pleased her immune system seems improved.

I hope you're all enjoying this first long weekend of summer (unofficially).

Spring Haiku

2007-05-11T13:04:00.000-07:00

Dandelions glow.
Deer flies Black flies Mosquitoes,
Smack them off me please.

Laundry smells warm breeze,
Barbecue glints ready rust,
Fanning fires water.

Rancid dog breath goo,
Swamp-wet gleefully stinky,
Dog paws sewage dreams.

Alright, I won't quit my day job. We've had a pregnancy scare and that makes me loopy. One can't drink one's way through a pregnancy (not that I would), but the initial horror of that wee surgical snip slip has my head reeling and my heart pounding. I never thought at 50 years old I'd be buying a pregnancy test kit. Angeni has been asking for a brother or sister - and we've given away almost all her baby things. Oh dear... Pass the smelling salts...

Mother's day has suddenly taken on a very different meaning this weekend!

The Rites of Spring

2007-05-10T11:27:00.000-07:00

Most years a bit of rain and thunder are welcome in the spring, especially when we've had no precipitation for over a week - the grass greens up, the flowers rejoice, and the bugs stay away from the equines. Something about last night's storm must have bothered our horses because this morning the temporary fence was broken down (and through). When seeing this, Brian high-tailed it to the barn, to see if the horses were there - indeed, all heads are accounted for, mercifully. With Mabel being blind, a nighttime romp through an electrified fence could have spelled disaster!

Pooky still remains with us, although her transition seems to be nearing. She is comfortable, eating and drinking, and still asking to go with us in the car. She's pretty much nailed to my hip, and doesn't want to settle upstairs at night... hence I am still sleeping on the couch with her. Unfortunately her bladder control isn't what it used to be, so I do an awful lot of laundry. Like the old ones, she naps most of the day, so she's ready to perk up at bedtime. I could use a nap right now, and may join her...

As spiritual beings, temporarily inhabiting human bodies, I'm amazed regularly at how little some people understand about soul and spiritual progress. It seems to be that any talk of spirit hints at death, and we are so death-phobic in the West that heads go in the sand, like quaking ostriches, at the mere subject. It's unfortunate. I run into some interesting cases of hauntings where people in their spirit bodies are still afraid to move on... and they terrify humans in the process. We just aren't meant to share space with those who won't go on into the light.

Looking forward to clearing skies and a beautiful weekend. Peace.

Bounteous Beauty

2007-05-06T15:56:00.001-07:00

The forecasts of 13 degrees each for Saturday and Sunday were far surpassed - both days it hit 19 degrees. We've struggled to catch up with farm/property chores with Brian working out at another farm for the past couple of weeks... This weekend, despite the early dates, I wanted to finish the flower planting while we are in 3rd quarter of this moon cycle... in Native tradition we never plant in 4th quarter, just weed, prune, prepare beds and such... Brian is away again next week working off-site, so I needed his help. Next weekend we are in the middle of 4th quarter so no planting next weekend...

We rooted through the greenhouse for pots and salvaged 3 larger clay jobs which are all now full... It took an additional mid-afternoon trip into Hanover to purchase additional violas and pansies, but we managed to get the exact right amount. A friend gave me some ornamental pansies in a hanger, and we needed a second hanger, so we picked one up... The porch entry area is now beautifully adorned with lots of colour... even Angeni planted a clay urn this year... I'd like to instill my green thumb on her...

The downside to early warm weather is BLACKFLIES. Geez, the fargin' bastards swarmed me this afternoon and evening. I begged off bringing in the laundry... my testosterone-filled husband isn't as delicious as his premenstrual, A- blood type wife, so he has taken pity. I bailed on him when the last planter was done, leaving him to the laundry and watering-in our flowers. It is the bug season, if somewhat early. The equines are suffering with biting flies as well, poor things. Brian did some temporary fencing today which allows them grazing space on the lawn. They love this grass. It means my dear little donkey is just a few feet away for neck scratches and donkey kisses. When he puckers up there is no internal visual of Brad Pitt or Eobbie Robertson, but that's a cute ass.

Had she lived my mother would have been 86 today. She was really present at the anniversary of her passing on March 24th - setting off alarms and generally spooking the dogs. I send her love and light... As the years go by the hurtful memories ease, and time heals those old wounds.

I plan to enjoy this wonderful week of sunlight that's forecast!!

Full Moons and Mischief Makers

2007-05-03T21:51:00.000-07:00

I'm awake at one ungodly hour, having started to bed some 3 hours ago, thanks primarily to my dog Starr and his need to co-ordinate the social happenings of the neighbourhood, in his managerial best style... I'm not impressed. He nearly knocked me down the back stairs to get at some invisible thing outside, and I've waited all this time to get him in... I had resolved to teach him a lesson and leave him out all night, but the other issue I have pertains to my cold/sinuses, and they're keeping me upright. Sooo, he's in (sleeping) and I'm up - what's wrong with this picture?

I might as well have gone out and danced naked around the May pole, as that would have made this month a tad more fun... I developed a cold on May Day, and it is in full bloom right now. Mercifully the sun has shone these past two or three days and this trend will continue well into next week - I look forward to this fine spring weather. It's allowed Brian to do some outdoor work for the neighbour, and I've worked at home... the perennials are blooming. I'll plant the calendula this weekend.

I ordered some walking poles from a store in Walkerton, and got them today. I read about these special poles as a thing to use for weight loss and daily power walking - they take some of the stress off feet/knees/hips to allow one to walk for a longer time. This particular pair has spring-loaded tips to help with the recoil and this apparently amplifies the momentum. It features 3 sets of tips - basket tips for snow shoeing, some for mixed terrain hiking, and a narrow set which I'll be usually for the most part. My reason for using these is to see if I can ease the pain from plantar fasciitis when I walk - right now this is a serious problem.

On a different note, we have a friend... I'll use an alphabet letter for her name... Hmmm... How about "D"? Sounds good... Well, D has been travelling of late... not my best communicator, unless you include passing internet jokes via email. She is indeed a mischief maker, like Starr. Past 70, with fairly serious health issues, D reminds me of the teenager who has that sense of infallibility who says "Nothing can happen to me - I'm above danger." While life is short and I applaud her tenacity at going for what she wants and living life to the fullest, I'm also concerned that her fearlessness is going to get the better of her this trip, and that she's already in over her head. She has a hard time hearing this, and may dismiss my concerns as anxiety - she's not a child. Still, I am hoping if the situation gets uncomfortable, she'll march on back to Durham... Homeland Security may be happier for that decision... D'mischief maker...

Angeni wants to do something fun this weekend, as a family. I'm not sure what that will include, although I appreciate her lament that we're "always working". She's right. And we're older, without much money, nor the energy and stamina to do things like Canada's Wonderland or similar. There aren't a lot of children's activities in this neck of the woods, so we'll have to be inventive, I guess. I would like to plant the rest of my violas, and Brian will get out two clay planters for the porch for me to fill with flowers. He needs to rake out the old calendula bed, and replant it. I look forward to a good crop of calendula this year. I need to make a new batch this weekend, perhaps, and I bought cilantro to add to some hummus. Calendula doesn't require vacuum sealing in a canning kettle, but the hummus does. These are relaxing activities for me, but won't be considered "fun" by Angeni, so we'll have to see what we can do for, and with, her...

I got some of those charm dangles young females are adorning their purses with, and they look quite chic, if I do say so myself. This bit of faux bling bling seems to impress Angeni - I'm not a clothes horse, girly-girl type, but I do like my purses. The charms are a nod to her generation, and I expect she'll ask for some as well... she owns purses she doesn't really use much, but this may push her to carry one now. This is the closest I've come to mischief this month.

Pooky is still with us, and holding her own. She sleeps a lot, though, but at least she's eating.

I need to shut this down for the night...

May Day

2007-05-01T06:59:00.000-07:00

I'm glad tax time is more or less over - taxes were sent last week but I'm still needing to post the receipts to envelopes and put them away in an archive box... I am planning to make amendments to my spread sheet for 2007 and re-categorize for the ledger statements reflecting the changes in the tax form from this year... Not a big deal, but at the same time I've sorted the receipts and such for the first 4 months of 2007, allowing me to get a third of 2007 done... I hope there isn't too much of a change in the tax form if the government changes this year. And I hope the government does change this year...

Yesterday was not the day to do any of this tax/accounting stuff because it was a PA day... Including today, there are 41 school days for Angeni until the 27th of June... Yesterday reminded me of how I should not handle summer vacation... After 3 days at home, she was bored and testy by dinner time... I spent time with her doing a new chapter of a story we write together, but after an hour she tired of that, and went off on tangents...

A few days ago I invested in some violas to put in my cauldron, and I managed to save a few from last year in the house... About half the plants in the old iron kettle survived the winter and have begun blooming. Daffs are out, and a couple of tulips. I love daffodils but I don't like tulips - never did. Not much gardening happening here yet this year. Brian filled in the area under the porch windows with grass seed, and leveling stones, so all the shrubbery and flower barrels are gone... I find the entrance blah looking, but we'll dress up the porch with some baskets. I managed to salvage 2 baskets of geraniums to plant myself, and have for the porch - if they don't look right, I'll get something else.

Since early April I've started having a bit of yoghurt in the evening to help me avoid munchie attacks for carbs. So far that's working. I want to try and get some weight off, and I've ordered some special walking poles that take the pressure off joints. They're very popular in Europe and not so much here, but they're catching on... I'm not as physically active as I should be with the plantar fasciitis.

I've started sleeping downstairs with Pooky and finally I got some sleep the last 2 nights... These 2-hour nights for weeks on end were turning me into an angry, frustrated being. I am tired today, even after a fairly good sleep, but this isn't compensating for all the lost sleep... Pooky still hangs on, and seems happier that I'm downstairs... I'm not happier downstairs, away from Brian and the comfort of my bed, but I feel it's what I have to do right now... we both don't need to deal with Pook at night.

It's a dreary May 1st... the sunrise was breathtaking, given there was a clear sky at that point. Not now... I won't be dancing ribbons around a may pole or any such drama today as it's about to rain... That means Brian has a short work day, which will be nice for us to have a couple quiet hours together before the school bus arrives... I hope this cold month isn't a portent of things to come for summer weather...

Brian is off working this week, so with Angeni back in school for these 4 days, I'm home alone, working away on whatever. I'd like to hire someone to help with spring cleaning, but I don't have the funds... Varney dreaming....

Back to work... have a wonderful month!

Alpha Female

2007-04-23T18:14:00.000-07:00

I don't care who says otherwise, I AM alpha female... when Spunky (all 112 pounds of her) steals 7-lb Pooky's tiny rawhide boney, Alpha Mommy is the one who retrieves it, eliciting an obedience that my daughter could well emulate (if she knows what's good for her...)... I do not have to resort to peeing on the lawn to assert myself, either. It is hilarious whenever poor Pooky goes out for a whiz, Spunky follows her around, peeing on the spot where Pook has just gone - sometimes 4 or 5 spots later - no little dogs will out-pee Spunky. Occasionally, Pook stands by, watching and follows Spunk, and sneaks in a final pee on the last place Spunky has anointed... Hilarious.

Maxine, well down on this totem pole of seniority, displays her moment of superiority when she decides that Starr is too close to Mommy. This means some major snarling, snapping and jockeying for position. Spunky can push herself between Max and Alpha Male, but seldom bothers with me... Spunky did take out Spike unfortunately, in a battle over a visiting female friend's attention. Spunky has since shown a penchant for poodle hatred - unfortunately targeting the neighbour's dog as well... Occasionally Spunk tries to push Pooky off her spot on the footstool, whenever we have visitors. Several liberal reprimands, and Spunky remembers her place.

Angeni, at the ripe old age of 8, is attempting to climb the power pole. At 4 and 5, most kids are at the "you are not the boss of me stage", and our daughter was no exception. Thankfully we got through that without use of medieval restraints or shackles. To her credit she's a quiet delightful tweeny, and so far, is not a problem - but the signs are there. She'll beg to do anything around the house except clean her room. Alpha females don't bribe (right?) so we have some serious negotiations, I mean discussions, about how to do the right thing. Or else. She wouldn't want me to pee on her bedroom floor, now would she?

And then we have cats… I am ALPHA KAT. Really. No possible misinterpretation of my monarchy. Nonny, who resembles Monty Python’s version of the village idiot, has no claim to any hierarchical position. Nonster purrs to the beat of her own drumming, oblivious to the machinations of other felines… She has the sweetest disposition of any cat I’ve ever met… Then Zuna Piggles, who is really second in line to Nonny by age, is the real beta Kat, keeping the unruly and despised male cats in their rightful places. The 3 males are way down that pole… To them I’m alpha mommy and I’m loved.

As for the equine kingdom – Jujube loves me, and knows I’m alpha something. Lucky tolerates my presence because I usually carry bribery in the form of carrots or apples. My hair, being tightly coiled in a bun is also highly sniffable, because you never know if that thing on my head is a snake or an apple. Mabel doesn’t take any shi*t from anyone or anything – she puts up with alpha male Brian because he rules the feed bucket. Like me, she is likely near menopause, so we have our grouchy days… I’m not alpha anything to Mabel, I dare concede, but the barn kingdom is beneath me, so I leave that to Brian.

After a lengthy client-filled Saturday, we endeavoured to have a family day together on Sunday... It was so beautiful outdoors. At one point the thermometer read 28 degrees Celsius - we had the air conditioner on in the van. It was bright, people seemed happy and the Hanover park was filled with sun worshippers. I was surprised to see standing water in the park, but that didn't deter visitors there.

While shopping I even broke down and got Angeni a Game Boy Advance game about Zelda. It was not bedroom cleaning bribery... really... it's because Zelda is a warrior princess, alpha female like Marg Delahunty or Wonder Woman, or well... me. Yes, I am the Viscountess of Varney. Alpha Female extraordinaire, lover of fine weather... So we did some needed shopping, drove the main street of Neustadt because I deemed it necessary, and bought grass seed... Brian and Angeni sowed some of that last evening, in advance of the rains today.

With all the alpha female peeing on the lawn, we gotta have fresh grass.

The Crystal Skull

2007-04-19T07:18:00.000-07:00

We received an email from an old friend, Jim Honey, who used to be the companion to Anna Mitchell-Hedges. Anna died this week, at the age of 100, still managing in her own home. I haven't got all the details, but she was still going, and still feisty, living with a different companion. She held onto the skull for over 90 years....

Several times Jim brought Anna to our house in Guelph, along with the skull, books and a slide show. She talked about her journeys into the jungles of Belize, with her adopted father... The highlight for us was holding and channeling with the skull. I always got quite a buzz from the dear thing. I remember sitting on the livingroom floor, holding it, and channeling for the assembled group.

I also remember, having just moved into the Wolverton house, Jim brought a Belize shaman by the name of Leonardo Acal. We weren't in the house a week so things were rushed to prepare for our esteemed guests... People hung off the rafters, coming down the stairway into the main room, cramming to hear them speak. Leonardo brought this huge cedar bass which he played for us. It was our 1st wedding anniversary, and what better way to celebrate than a shaman and a crystal skull!!!

In recent years I've seen programmes suggesting the skull recovery story was a hoax. A fellow at a museum in England had the original receipt naming Mr. Mitchell-Hedges as the purchaser of the skull for 400 pounds... If that is true, the whole story about him letting Anna down on a rope into the rubble of a temple to retrieve the skull (and later the articulated jaw) were pure fantasy. Yet Anna, for whatever reasons, held onto her story... I could go into the dreamtime and ask the ancestors for "the truth", but I never have... I don't care if Anna needed a story to hold onto, to make her life dramatic. Frankly, the skull was, and is, an incredible entity. I fear it is lost to us now, for it will likely be put in a museum under lock, key, glass and infra-red light alarm.

I'm honoured to have had the chance to meet Anna, hold the skull many times, and know that our ancestors who carved it were marvelously skilled, connected beings. Rest in peace, Anna.

Virginia

2007-04-19T06:53:00.000-07:00

It's been 4 days since the Virginia Tech massacre... I'm still coming to terms with the enormity of the hatred expressed at innocent people. One writer commented that the laws prevented Mr. Cho Seung-Hui from being forced to take medications or treated into a mental health institution - it amounts to his protected civil liberties. Even his school records, including grades, are being withheld from his parents for privacy reasons. The man is dead, for heaven's sake. President Bush, couldn't stay out of the mess. His opening line "Although I support an individual's right to bear arms, I am saddened at... " - I paraphrase, but he couldn't keep the politics out of his statements. I was keenly aware of the juxtaposition when a Japanese mayor - only the 4th person in office to be killed since 1945 - was gunned down by a mobster this week. Japan is so anti-gun that it is, I believe, a life prison sentence to be caught with one... whether you ever use it or not.

The mentally ill do not have the right to bear arms. While I agree that we must uphold freedom of speech and most civil liberties, the right for anyone to bear arms cannot and must not be one of them. Registered firearms for hunters should only be licensed with proof that the holder has no criminal record, and has passed a mental health exam. In that light, MY civil liberties are less likely to be taken away by someone with psychotic tendencies who fancies themselves a heroic figure. Dead is dead.

Canada has similar problems - a man named Dobson, egging for full parole after a 25 year murder sentence (so-called life) is allowed to read victim impact statements from the family 30 days before his parole hearing. The family doesn't get the reciprocal chance - they wait for his rebuttal at the actual hearing. Now, every 2 years, he is allowed to drag everyone through this process again. He savagely beat, raped, sodomized and mutilated a teenaged girl, then had the nerve to phone the family and ask "How do you like me now?"

I don't like using my blog as a political forum, but I'm venting. The pall of hurt the victims' families are bearing is horrific - it casts a psychic veil over the world. I'm disturbed at the number of "copycat" crimes that surfaced as the week progressed. It isn't safe for our kids to go to school anymore. Mr. Cho Seung-Hui was a playground bully of the worst, most evil, kind....

The sun is shining, may we all have a better week. Blessings.

Here Among the Cats...

2007-04-18T17:41:00.000-07:00

Somewhere on the second concession, every time we pass by, I ask Brian the same question... this has gone on for years... He knows its coming...
"Honey, can we stop at the Basler's and get a kitten today?"
With a deep gulp, the colour drains from his face, and we get one of the following answers:
"Why not 3 or 4 more cats?"
"What about a couple more dogs too - the house isn't chewed up enough yet."
"Just shoot me now..."
"They're not home today, so we can't stop..." Psychically he somehow knows they're not home, and the speedometer hits 100 km/hr at this point.
I calmly remind him that Ethol indicated she would reincarnate, and that if she's sitting there in that Basler barn, waiting for us, she's going to be really pissed off.
"I don't care," he always says, then waxes philosophical with something like "Ethol hated Starr anyway, so why put her though that again."
Or he says something else, of a similar vein, while he rolls down the window trying not to hyperventilate. I know we won't get any more animals - it's just a pleasurable moment of sadism.

Speaking of animals, Pooky has bounced back to a place I never expected to see... today she walked with Brian and Spunky down to the corner where the school bus stops with Angeni... I don't think she's ever done that... Pook is eating and doing all those necessary bodily functions that had failed her for a few days. One or two more IV boluses this week, and she should be completely out of the woods, so to speak. I marvel at the Creator's gift of a little more time with my old friend.

We're working on setting a date for summer solstice - possibly to coincide with our shamanic gathering in June. It makes sense to combine the two, allowing the communities to integrate and work together. We'll run this by the group and settle on a date in the next few days. Once again, we'll strategize about having an inipi/sweatlodge.

I'm running into some boundary issues with people - it comes down, I believe, to assumptions about working in the home. Being at home doesn't mean I'm working 24/7. We chose not to have "office space" in some outside venue because that's not the aboriginal way of doing things, and the overhead costs would have to be passed on through our fee structure. If we had an office, there would be a separate telephone, and the answering machine would kick in at 5 PM - there would be no access to us when the work day ended.

Somehow, though, a few people feel that it's okay to call us after 9 PM for appointments, or to email asking my thoughts on treatment options, suggestions, opinions and more... This is a balancing act because, frankly, I don't have a secretary, and every situation calls for unique interpretation - that takes time. When advice and healing are what I do for a living, it isn't reasonable to assume I am willing to sit here answering questions and doing research for free. If the situation is serious enough to contact me, assume that the prudent thing to do is make an appointment and support the process. The boundary problems are in part a reason for us to be looking at jobs elsewhere.... If you're calling for an appointment, do so before 6 PM please, or better yet - email. Evening time is family time, and that is a boundary we're going to get really sticky about, in weeks to come. Weekends are also for family, unless otherwise posted.... Emails asking for information will be returned with the suggestion that a time be booked for consultation. No one will honour boundaries unless we do...

The weather finally improves again this week, and this is a great feeling - the laundry goes back outside again. Enough for now... here among the cats.

What a difference a week makes...

2007-04-13T07:58:00.000-07:00

Unfortunately it is still snowing - it's the middle of April and the fields are white again... snowed the day before yesterday and although it melted yesterday, the flakes are back again. I think the whole month of April will be flaky... in more ways than one.

Pooky has come out of her renal failure - but for the Grace of the Creator, and some intervention on our part, she is eating, drinking, eliminating and even playing again!!! This was a dog who the vet wanted to euthanize a week ago today. We're still giving her some IV fluids subcutaneously every other day, to lower her urea levels, but otherwise, things have returned to her regular state of health. Clearly this isn't a total cure - Pooky is 14+ years and has terrible scarring in her lungs - but she is comfortable and much more normal. I am thankful to the Creator for this reprieve, however long or short.

On this Friday morning Brian is out working for a neighbour, fencing pastures for the arrival of some cattle. At 60, Brian is the most physically fit he has ever been in his life - the farming has been good for him. I don't envy the slogging through the bush today, though. He is installing electric fence wire, having already erected T-posts. Handling wire in wet weather is tricky.

I'm still making overtures into the working world, and things are moving along in a positive way - for now it looks like a part-time thing, which will allow me to still keep the lodge here and carry on with my practice. Anything that allows me to care for my family's needs, and keep my home, I'm prepared to do, and the bonus is I don't have to move away.

Sleepy Easter Sunday

2007-04-08T07:21:00.001-07:00

It's so rare for Brian and I to have a Sunday off working to be together as a family that it seems strange... Pooky continues to cling to life, and she and I have spent the last 3 nights together on the couch... I'm tired, and grieving.

Morton the Easter Bunny of Normanby township visited Angeni this morning, after Barney, the bunny of Varney dropped off some goodies in Durham for her, while she visited a friend. Earlier this week Murray the bunny, substituting for the Tooth Fairy (on vacation as she was in the Caymen Islands) had visited to do the tooney/tooth switch-off. Those rabbits will be tired today...

Blessings to everyone of the Christian faith on this special day.

I've been dreading this day...

2007-04-05T14:09:00.000-07:00

Just got the phonecall from my vet to say my little dog Pooky is in renal failure and probably won't last the weekend... I've dreaded this beyond anything I can think of, short of losing my husband or my child... Brian is with Pooky at the vet because I have Angeni home and food in the oven, so the vet is giving her a bolus of subcutaneous fluid and hopefully she'll start peeing again. Pooky has been with me so much longer than could have been expected with her lung problems, that I have been blessed with her longevity... Easter weekend - how tragic.

Wet and dull, dull and wet...

2007-04-04T06:40:00.000-07:00

Spring has returned to "late winter" conditions here in Varney... after 2 glorious weeks of May-like weather, we're back to flurries pending over the next few days. We have a house clearing, blessing and ghost filming to do on Friday and flurries aren't optimal conditions for filming outside, or recording EVPs if it is windy... Oh well, it will be what it will be, frankly... it's just my daffodils and violas are chilly.

Plantar fasciitis has reared it's ugly head, in my foot, again. This is the worst, and most painful it's ever manifested. I've been on my feet a lot this week but today I defer to ice packs and elevating my feet on the footstool. I cringe at how bad the house gets to look even with just one day of relaxing the cleaning mode. It's hard to justify resting today when I'll have at least twice as much to do tomorrow... I hope however, that I can get some relief, even just for today - I have to be on my best for Friday.

I've had some interesting feedback about the possibility of closing the aboriginal healing practice. Most people are understanding, a couple are panicked and many are relieved that I'm not giving up my duties as a minister... I would never do that unless I was physically or mentally unable to perform my duties. A few people can't understand why I won't do all the jobs - now THAT would be physically impossible for me, frankly, and if I had the stamina, I couldn't do that to my daughter. Angeni does need some mommy time. I don't want to give up my practice, but without enough income I have to move on. It will play out as the Creator wishes it to...

I should be going out for a few hours with a friend today, just for some "me" time, but I think I'll pass... my foot is demanding my attention. Have a blessed rest of the week!!

How things change...

2007-04-02T13:01:00.000-07:00

Time is supposed to show us that while things change, they also stay the same... I've never entirely accepted that credo... I don't believe that absence makes the heart grow fonder, either. My experience is that "out of sight is out of mind". However, with these thoughts in mind, I went to my sister's place - i haven't seen her in over 3 years. We emailed a bit the last few months, but nothing deep... As we age I appreciate how time is changing us physically (not necessarily for the better). but emotionally has healed from the childhood we shared. Intellectually and spiritually we've found the paths we need to follow in this life, and they are very different... but as long as that heart connection can be massaged, we should be able to go graciously into old age with that sisterly bond somewhat intact... we'll never be really close, but we can share some things, and I think we've proven that to each other... Time and circumstance can't change what we went through, but we can do our best to stay bonded...

Speaking of change, our lives and our practice are evolving with each season that passes... Sooner than later what we do will end, and it will be with some bittersweet awareness that like fashion and music, spirituality has cycles of popularity. Ending a practice of nearly 30 years, without the normal passage of retirement is very telling - we are forced back into the private sector just to make ends meet. Spiritual leaders aren't valued anymore, it seems. I shouldn't feel bad about myself when whole institutions like the Anglican church are near bankruptcy. This generation doesn't tithe, nor is there the sense of needing the spiritual body as a community pillar. Churches, as institutions, have caused some of these problems - sexual predation and residential school abuses are well-known examples of the horrors that have brought down peoples' respect for church, as a sacred body to be trusted. Church should end, if it no longer serves the needs of a community. So I revert to a semi-retired minister, working in the larger community doing something else...

Sad, really...

Wow - beautiful weather!!!

2007-03-27T13:07:00.000-07:00

I am enjoying this lovely weather to the max! I hung out my first official load of laundry for the season - it is so fresh smelling. No mosquitoes yet, but we've got crocuses and daffodils coming up and I'm thrilled. This is fully a month ahead of previous years. When an elder had the trailer installed at the barn 2 years ago, there was more snow than there is now, and the weather was very cold - and this was the end of April. Global warming aside, the smiling faces I see around town are happy for this early spring. Our furnace is off!! My cabin fever will dry up and blow away now...

Back in January I was filmed by the United Church for a multifaith program to be aired around Easter. This Lenten Series for the United Church of Canada is on at 6 PM, Sunday evenings, on Vision Television... I didn't know it had started until a friend called after she saw the second episode (three remain). We'll hopefully have a copy of the video series shortly to view here at Moonstar...

Pooky has had a spring shave this afternoon, and looks pretty nifty. She was feeling the heat, poor thing. Her cough is quite a bit worse, so we switched her meds on the weekend - I don't think she is coping with them very well, what with some vomiting yesterday and diarrhea today. Hopefully we can reduce the dose on Friday, allowing her guts to settle...

Midewiwin gathered recently, and we've got a neat house blessing and clearing to do near Campbellville. In years past we've traversed the fields, photographing and recording EVP's along the old trail of the First Nations peoples who followed the Guelph Line north, to summer hunting grounds. This is a trail through and to the escarpment. Originally I had only a couple of people to help, now most of the group is involved - we should look quite a sight in our traditional aboriginal garb, wandering the sideroads with cameras...

Daughter is home, dinner needs doing... and laundry to remember!!!

Who Shot my Paw?

2007-03-22T08:37:00.000-07:00

I always know for sure - really and truly - when it is spring. Be damned equinox, the calendar or sunny days... it is spring when there are wet, muddy footprints everywhere in my house. The ground has thawed enough for the mud to stick to those paws, and that's a lot of paws in this house... 36 to be exact. Brian and I try to do the environmentally sensitive thing and use microfibre mops - no cleaners - just a bit of soap. However, when you've completely used up every microfibre mop head, and most of the rags, I have to ask "Is this extra load of laundry environmentally sensitive?"

It may be still just zero degrees, snow banks waist high, windy and raining for the 3rd day, but it is spring. Really. Just come look at my floors...

Monopolies

2007-03-19T16:17:00.000-07:00

Monopolies scare me... be it in the insurance or banking industry, telephones and especially computers... Several times this past week, we've lost access to Google. Who cares? We do - because we have websites with Google ads on them, and they won't load when Google is down. The first time it happened, the problem righted itself within 24 hours... I can live with that. However, when it happened a few days ago for 48 hours, we began calling our internet service provider to see if they were getting similar complaints.... They suggested to check the DNS numbers... We reverted to the old numbers and voilà - problem solved. How did these numbers get changed you might ask? Brian had switched to an open server source, BUT it was actually in part Microsoft. They do automatic updates on our system and they don't like other browsers... they don't like other email programs... they don't like anything Linux or open source. The update reverted most of my personal settings - so much so that I couldn't access my Blogger account. So this has been several days without an update.

It's also a slice of the proprietary pie - like when Sony did Betamax to everyone else's VCR... now it's happening in DVD formats... I'm not tech savvy enough to spit out the all format rivalries, but I know for the consumer this kind of one-upmanship, king-of-the-hill bravado makes people leery of investing in technology. I'm all for competition - but I ask the companies pick a format and let the fair market jousting happen after that is done.

So much for this rant... now I'll go onto MySpace and rant there... next entry should be a continuation of the issues around soul retrieval and preparation. Can you tell I've just come back from 4 hours of dental work?

Soul Retrieval

2007-03-15T17:01:00.000-07:00

Many years ago Brian came to me as a patient, having become aware of something called "soul retrieval". He purchased a book by Sandra Ingerman, read it, and realized this isn't something you do for yourself. He was directed to me by someone in another town, booked an appointment, and we started a very long journey together. The man who blossomed from the sick, unhappy, depressed being became someone I saw with new eyes, and eventually married. Soul retrieval is one of our most sacred and significant life journeys, not to be done without great thought, and like an athlete, preparation. To that end, I share with you some material shared with me by a person named Sage (who comes by her name honestly):

Shamanic healing works with the concept that emotional and physical illness are the same. Our soul is our life force or vitality. Anything can cause soul loss. It might be the loss of a loved one, sexual, physical or emotional abuse, surgery, accidents, and more. At times of trauma, part of us goes away. This is good and protective. However, it does not always find its way back.

Symptoms of soul loss include dissociation, a feeling of watching your life like a movie rather than as a participant, chronic depression, suicidal feelings, post traumatic stress disorder, immune system deficiency, inability to get over a loss, and having an unnatural connection with a person.

Where do the soul parts go? Into non-ordinary reality. The soul parts might be lost and unable to return. They may be unwilling to return because they don't know the abuse has stopped. They may have been stolen and are still held by the thief. This is a type of psychic vampirism and may contribute to co-dependency. It is often a dysfunction passed down in families.

Traditionally, the support of the community was an important aspect of soul retrieval. Patients might have been told, "Your children want you to come back, your brothers and sisters want you to come back, your neighbours and kinsmen want you to come back, your horses want you to come back...." It is for this reason, the support and power of someone working on our behalf, that we do not generally do our own soul retrievals.

In soul retrieval, the healing results depend upon the commitment of the client. Self-healing comes after the soul retrieval. Soul parts sometimes come back bringing memories and emotions. They usually bring energy with them, sometimes in amazing amounts. One has more power following soul retrieval.

PREPARATION AND INTEGRATION
It is helpful to reflect on what is not working in your life and to notice patterns of recreating the same trauma. Let go of labels about this. No alcohol is to be consumed for twenty-four hours before and after a soul retrieval. The night before your soul retrieval, ask for a dream to help in receiving your soul.

Following your soul retrieval, leave time for yourself. Welcome your soul parts back. The effects are unpredictable. Allow yourself about two weeks for the effects to settle in. You might find during this time you need to make changes that are life-supporting.

Here are three journeys to do on your own following your soul retrieval:

Does the soul part have anything else to tell me about why it left?
How will the soul part help? What gifts, talents, or resources does it bring?
What changes do I need to make in my life that would make the soul parts feel supported in being back home?

Eventually you will want to feel fully integrated and no longer aware of the separate nature of the soul parts that were returned. The point is to welcome them home and integrate them. You don't want to stay too long in a place where you continually notice your six year old soul part is feeling shy, your twelve year old is angry, and the adult you is eager, to give a simple example. However, you may find your six year old knows how to trust and your twelve year old needs creative expression, for instance, and that becomes a part of you.

Bring a notebook with you to record the details of your healing and your feelings in the moment. Be sure you have the phone number of your soul retriever so you may call if questions come up.

Final journey: Now that you have your soul parts back and you have done your work of welcoming and integrating them, there is one more step that is good to do. This is to see if you have soul parts of anyone else you may be holding on to - accidentally, of course! - and need to return. There is no guilt or blame here, have fun with this journey. You may find you are hanging on to bits of family, friends, ex-spouses, or lovers. Or, you may discover "Velcro souls" that another has stuck onto you. Journey to the helping spirit that you are most comfortable with and ask. If you do have soul parts to return or Velcro souls to pull off and send back, ask for a ritual to accomplish this. Do the ritual. You might want to partner with another and serve as witness to each other's rituals.

Thanks and gratitude to Sandra Ingerman.

All My Relations.

More on this journey in a later entry....

The Ides of March

2007-03-15T16:42:00.000-07:00

Seems like just yesterday it was my birthday, and now it's the middle of March... the weather has been stunningly beautiful, and my tired spirit welcomes spring...

Thanks to Aunt Judy and Uncle Sam, Pooky is sporting a jaunty new winter jacket and spring hoodie... completed by a dashing new turquoise collar with her name spelled in Swarovsky crystals... Very much like Liz Taylor, minus the lovely perfume smell... Pook has always liked wearing sweaters, and in her geriatric years seems cold all the time. This is quite a wonderful comfort measure.

Although it's only Thursday, it seems like it should be the end of the week... We took Angeni into Orangeville to rendezvous with her godmother Kaaren, and intended to be back home by 3:30. Well, at that time we were in the Kia dealership getting a new headlight, so being significantly delayed we grabbed some supper, groceries and landed home this evening. Brian got a mere cursory whiff of his beloved Home Depot. That's him sighing now... All the dogs were near panicked that we were away over 6 hours. The various and sundry cats were curious about this as well, but returned to normal once the can opener went off... the universal cat food signal. We've done dishes, put the laundry in the dryer, started the wood stove and settled in for a quiet night - I'm pooped. And yet, tomorrow we have clients all day, and the house to clean and prep for the autumnal equinox...

Life is good, and so is Pizza Hut...

Wonderful Weather

2007-03-14T09:54:00.000-07:00

Considering we've only had snow for about 7 weeks, this melt is welcome... the ground absorbs the snow faster because there was no old snow base which needed to thaw first... It has been an easy melt-off. Brian tapped 2 maple trees for sweet water and we're managing about 4 litres a day from the trees... the temps are supposed to drop again in the next day or so, meaning the sap flow will stop. We'll have enough for a good cleansing tonic.

Saturday afternoon at 2 PM we have our annual spring equinox gathering. It is a feast day, so everyone attending is asked to bring potluck, and confirm with us that you're coming - in this way, if there is freezing rain or other bad weather, we can notify everyone. Right now it looks like a gathering of about 16 to 20 people which is really nice...

Spring is always difficult for dental issues - as a species we're genetically hard-wired to certain physiological truths, and if there are going to be dental problems, spring is a good bet for that pain and discomfort... For me, I broke a lower molar last fall, and over the weekend broke a chip off the molar above it - 2 teeth, same side, deeply annoying. We don't have any sort of dental coverage, so when I spoke to the dentist, this is going to be a doozy bill with at least 3 visits. Not good timing for us financially, but a fact of life.

Anyway, Angeni is heading off tomorrow for 2 nights with her godmother Kaaren, in Toronto. Two weeks of room cleaning was required to get this privilege - Angeni was not impressed. As bright, well behaved and gifted as she is, slovenliness is her Achilles heel. However, Dad stepped in, moved some shelving, removed some furniture, and opened the space up. It is, for a few days at least, clean and tidy. We'll see how long this lasts.

I've applied for a job posting with the government for an Elder. I'm hoping this works out... If it does, the only thing we'll be able to continue with for the next year is Midewiwin. I will miss our practice, but the financial ease will be helpful. Both Brian and I left regular corporate jobs to do this work, and our income was shredded by this choice - I don't regret it, but at the same time I don't want to lose our home, by being forced to sell. We're suffering financially right now....

Gotta head in to Durham - be comfy and frolic in this lovely weather!!!

Musicians I miss...

2007-03-08T09:20:00.000-08:00

There are some classic voices from the 60's - 80's that I really miss, and wish could record again - people like Marilyn McCoo (most known from the 5th Dimension), Gary Puckett, the late Laura Nyro, the late Eva Cassidy, Colin Blunstone (best known as lead singer of the Zombies), even Van Morrison... All these people are in their sixties, if still alive, and I miss them... I miss Diana Ross from the years when she was daring. Dusty Springfield was a major trailblazer and is now deceased - and it is really sad how many of these women I mentioned died so young!!! I don't miss Tom Jones - he had little variety and seemed to only be able to emote "intensity"... a great voice but not my style... I'm sure I'll edit this time and again as my old faves spring to mind...

Slowly the temperatures are moving into a spring-like destination. Apparently by Sunday it will be +7 degrees and plus temps overnight - I welcome that. It has been hard to shift my thinking toward having a spring equinox gathering when it is -23 outside. I won't miss the snow and wind.

I received a CD of a speech by the Dalai Lama - I'm looking forward to hearing what he has to say this afternoon. Brian is away being carpenter guy, so I'm puttering with housework and laundry. I hope Brian is home soon - we're nearly out of wood for the fireplace.

I was surprised that Canada is willingly following the lead of the US in switching daylight savings time ahead on the weekend - that's several weeks ahead of schedule. Supposedly this is an energy saving measure, but I'm not so sure... we actually have a whole weekend off, so I'm going to try and get together with my sister. Her birthday was in February and mine last week, and we've been trying to get a weekend together for over a month - finally I think it might happen. We have some celebrating to do... and lots of years to make up for...

Manic March

2007-03-06T10:29:00.000-08:00

March certainly roared in like a lion - I'm hoping Wiarton Willie is correct that spring comes early. We posted an overnight temperature of -23 with wind chills of close to -40. This isn't Nunavut!!! Weird weather doesn't help the global warming camp, when taken in isolated situations. If we look at the fact that there was no real winter snow or temperatures until the 3rd week of January, to have winter gone by the 3rd week of March would be quite something - a record - and a nod to the global warming advisors. Angeni missed Friday, Monday and today - I hope she goes to school the remaining 3 days this week because she is off next week for March break!!! Hopefully these are the last of the school days lost to bad weather this year.

The barometric pressure fluctuations are not doing much for my dizziness - that had cleared up for about a week and has suddenly returned like bad gas - you never know when it will hit. These bouts are related in inner ear infections and sinus problems, and I'm aware I have both ... I'm ready for them to go away now...

Brian will be sending out messages for spring equinox feasting and celebration. I hope the weather has cleared enough that we don't have to cancel it... it's hard to have a spring equinox in mid-April because of bad weather...

Keep cozy... Kathryn

Birthday Blitz

2007-03-04T08:14:00.000-08:00

So the big weekend begins to wind down... Friday (the actual birthday) was quiet because we had a horrific snow, ice and windstorm raging for 36 hours, meaning Angeni was home... She decided to enter puberty on Friday - it was a bit tense...

All in all a lovely weekend... nice cards, a few fine phone calls, and lunch with an old friend whose birthday was yesterday. Given the weather, I'm glad I didn't travel to Toronto after all...

Magazines

2007-02-22T11:34:00.000-08:00

I'm not one for magazines much... a friend gave me a recent edition of Chatelaine which left me feeling like I had ADHD or similar - the busy-ness of the pages and lack of depth to the articles left me wanting for something different. When advertisers are supporting certain products discussed in articles, I fail to see the objectivity of that article - like when I wrote for a national magazine the length of the article was severely cropped to make room for the supporting ads, unless of course, I wanted to buy space for the article - what? No way...

So when Angeni comes home with school programs for magazine sales, I cringe... I hate this form of school support at the best of times... pennies from every carton of lunch milk, bits from every pizza slice sold, and could we just donate stuff for the yard and bake sales? How about a poinsettia? I digress, so back to the magazines...

I do have my Canadian Quilters Quarterly, and the doll artist quarterly which come because I am a member of each organization. For the last 3 years my friend Phil has gifted me a subscription to "Threads" magazine, because I sew - all very nice. But, I've been looking for some others:

"Canadian Oriental Pig Decorating"

"Ontario Pork and Fly"

"Skid Steer Digest"

"Waffles I Have Known Quarterly"

"Wood Boring Insects of Labrador"
"Latin Algorhythmic Toning"

They must be out of those titles at Mac's... I've got the munchies something terrible today.... not sure what that's about. I think this is the dementia of PMS...

Buddhism

2007-02-22T07:13:00.000-08:00

We watched a most moving documentary on Buddhism, shot in 2006, and sponsored by National Geographic. It was an interesting adjunct for the studying I've done (which is not vast) on the Tibetan Book of the Dead. I was asked on a few memorable occasions to recite from the Book of the Dead for a couple of our AIDS patients in Guelph, who were near their transition. As an interfaith aboriginal minister, I have tried to broaden my understanding of world religions to be able to serve those I am responsible to, and for...

This documentary was not about death directly, but I observed the concepts in practice of meditation, and understanding the "science of the mind" as it relates to life journey. In the west we run around and live frantically, doing anything we can to cheat death - we fear death. Yet, Buddhists spend their whole lives preparing for death - the principle issue is transcendence of the suffering of daily life through their spiritual practices, and obtainable enlightenment. This enlightenment is available to everyone through simple means.

Brian was part of the Transcendental Meditation group (TM) for something like 15 years... he was a diligent practitioner of meditation, even moving his family to live in a TM co-op near Ottawa for awhile. When we met, he had not been actively practicing his meditation or yoga for quite some time, and has always spoken of a desire to do it again... He remarked last night that he and his ex spent an hour meditating in the morning, and an hour in the evening on top of working full time - this was a long-term lifestyle for them. They "found" the time that he can't "find" now... Finding is passive - "making" time is active and assertive... I asked him if the evolution toward the native way of thinking had quashed his meditation. He is processing that thought, but doubts that's a part of what stops him now... 2500 years of Buddhism, and 400,000,000+/- practitioners world-wide must be doing something right.

So I am pondering what similarities there are between native thinking and Buddhism... certainly modern First Nations peoples are still reflecting the hurts and disenfranchisement of contact - if I am to compare these two philosophies, I think I have to do that from a pre-contact perspective. The Buddha created 84,000 tenets of Buddhism - I know I won't find that kind of comparable formality within my own spirit walk - this should be an interesting exercise.

I'll keep you posted on what I figure are the main similarities and differences between the two perspectives... I welcome emails with your thoughts...

Endings and Beginnings

2007-02-20T12:29:00.000-08:00

We finally signed off the purchase agreement for the llamas bought from us almost 3 years ago - we had to forgive a large amount of the contract because the people just couldn't pay, and we couldn't take the animals back... much of what they paid us was in spun yarn, and so I must now peddle this commodity to get back some income. This, coupled with the sale of the grade llamas last April, puts to bed the saga of the camelids. I'm glad we had the experience - Angeni enjoyed them, and learned a lot about animals and their care. We didn't really make anything on them, as a fair few died over the years, but we probably just did a little better than breaking even... In the camelid market, that's a bonus. Like emus, the bottom fell out of the luxury animal commodities after we got into it - I'm still grateful we did it for that 5 years, and grateful to move on... I guess I have some knitting to do!!

We've had a break in the weather - it got up to +4 degrees by noon today, allowing the snow to melt off the roof. It meant Spunky gets nervous with anything that roars like thunder, so the 5 or 6 rounds of cascading snow and ice jam made her upset through the night. What a difference from 4 days ago, when it was still -20 degrees when we were sitting in the rink watching Angeni skate. This is our January thaw a month late, because winter started a month late. So be it.

I'm making some beef stew today, and it has filled the house with quite an aroma... Angeni has decided she likes beef stew, and chicken corn chowder soup - that's in the crock tomorrow. Ever so slowly we are moving past "eeewwwww" over everything served here...

We were in town briefly over the llama thing, and to mail some documents. One document involves Indian Affairs and my status card... dredging up all my ancestry showed me I'm starting to forget little things like the spelling of middle names, and correct birth dates. I had to call my sister to confirm a couple things, which gave us an excuse to talk... I've registered Angeni, so hopefully she'll have her card soon.

Another friend had a car accident this month. Like Robert in early February, she felt the "bang" reverberating through her body bringing a great discomfort. For some unfortunate accident victims, that bang is the last thing they ever hear on this earth. It must have been that way this month for a carpenter friend Brian worked with - he and his wife were killed instantly in a car crash north of Hanover. That bang reverberates through the skeleton and can cause soul loss, something needing to be addressed by the shamanic group. I'm glad my friend wasn't seriously hurt...

It's one of the ghost show nights... mother and daughter will do their shower thing early, so we can roll up Angeni's hair in curlers (in an attempt to tame it) and hunker down for a night of ghost stuff - gives me a chance to teach her all about good and bad paranormal investigation. Ah, bonding...

A Snowy Weekend

2007-02-18T15:21:00.000-08:00

So we've had a bright, but snowy weekend. Angeni has suffered a bit of cabin fever, and I managed to catch up on some sleep, after a Saturday of seeing clients... Tonight we are watching a bit of Monty Python, to have a laugh, and finish our quiet Sunday, although Brian did a carpentry out call which had to be postponed from Friday, the snow day... Tomorrow it is back to regular routines, and I hope Angeni makes it to school - there is more snow forecast overnight. However if she needs to stay home, so be it - it is that time of year to be safe.

I've noted that even some of my learned spiritual peers still get bummed out by winter weather - not because of SAD (seasonal affective disorder) but because they can't do what they think they should be able to do... We have to remember that fighting mother nature in winter is pure folly, and can result in death. It is the quiet, introspective time of the medicine wheel, when we are supposed to craft, fix costumes, repair/replace our sacred objects and reflect on self. Avoiding that reflection time can be an avoidance of shadow. We can miss messages from the grandmothers - in fact this weekend we entered the moon of Weighs the Truth. Damned right - this is my birth moon, and I have been forced to wax reflective, which is tough for someone with Pisces Sun, and Pisces Moon... when I don't face my reflection I don't venture my moccasins on a better part of my path.

I don't enjoy the cold. I don't like the shortened daylight. I miss the flowers big time... but I respect the yin and yang of the wheel - for everything there is a season. Keep warm...

Surprise! Another Snow Day

2007-02-16T09:10:00.000-08:00

Angeni is off school today - she's been to school 5 days out of a possible 12 so far this month. Oh well, although she's not happy about missing the ski trip this morning, the highways are closed, and she has some cold comfort knowing it will be rescheduled next week... at least there was skating yesterday... We had planned to go up to Sauble Beach to see my sister sometime this weekend, but it looks like that is postponed as well. Brian was up to the barn and ploughing the yard before I stumbled out of bed - it was nice to snuggle under warm covers for an extra hour or so.

I'm meeting some wonderful First Nations people on MySpace - it is good to chat with one's own kind, so to speak. We've initiated contact, but not much back-and-forth yet because of my schedule working on documents this week. I have housework to do today, in case they open the roads and our clients arrive tomorrow. Housework is not my "best thing" although I appreciate a clean home, just hate doing it... Brian was supposed to be in Flesherton today, doing some carpentry, but with the roads closed he can't go - so he can help with the housework (he always does the heavy stuff for me, God/dess love him).

Keep toasty warm!!

EEEEK it's cold

2007-02-15T14:40:00.000-08:00

Minus freaking 20 degrees this morning, as we sat in a hockey arena in Ayton. Damn that was cold... best it got at noon was -16 and it has plunged from there. I don't remember such a long protracted cold spell as this one... We found one pair of ladies ski pants in all of Hanover - they are too big for Angeni but they'll have to do... tomorrow she goes cross country skiing with her class, and they're having a belated Valentine's party in the afternoon. This will be a 2-pair-of-everything day... More snow tonight - upwards of 8" overnight and she may end up with a snow day.

No results from my scans yet, but that is par for the course. No post-Valentines fall out, and that is a good thing. Although, come to think of it, I was propositioned on MySpace, but that was laughable...

Anyway, have a wonderful day, and a wonderful weekend...

Frozen Valentines

2007-02-14T09:10:00.000-08:00

What a frigid day out there - but at least it's sunny in our neck of the woods... It's so cold, Spunky needed daddy to rescue her because her back foot froze in a matter of walking about 50' toward the barn. Poor dog - and she's part Arctic Wolf!! The younger dogs want desperately to be out chasing canned snacks (read snowmobiles) but it is dangerous to let them out. Pooky lasts about 2 minutes and has taken to peeing right on the porch - poor old thing, she tries... The recess time at the Ayton school has been shortened because of the risk of frostbite - this is a wise move. Kids are notorious for not bothering with mittens - my daughter is a perfect example of that idiom.

So it is Valentines... My husband procured a CD by Maria McKee (Live, Acoustic Tour 2006). This is an artist I never heard of before I started listening to Pandora. I have a station devoted to Laura Nyro, and Pandora chooses to add artists with a similar vocal style/range/category and Maria is one of them... I love music, and have waxed nostalgic this winter, so I appreciate his gesture. That, and a marabou feather light-up heart pen. Cool. I have yet to give him his card, as I prefer to let him suffer... Angeni gets her gift after school.

Today Brian and I have baked... 18 banana/honey/bran muffins, 15 chocolate fudge cupcakes and shortly we prepare a roast beef, with carrots, onions, garlic and potatoes around the roast, and some corn (to satisfy junior Valentine eaters). Normally I can't cope with anyone in my kitchen while I cook - I'm claustrophobic to a certain degree, and watching out for someone else in the way can throw me off... But we managed to have a lovely time... dinner will be wonderful and I'm saving back some of the icing from the cupcakes. I have a sinister plan for that - later baby. Anyway, we bought some froo-froo toppings for these cupcakes - the recipe said I'd get 24 cupcakes and I got 15, so these are a bit on the large size... I can whip up a vanilla cake in my mushy heart-shaped tin, if these are yucky. They smell great, though...

Have a wonderfully sweet, playful, Valentines, my friends..

Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrr...

2007-02-13T19:59:00.000-08:00

Brian and I had to go into town today for some groceries and general tasks - like getting the license sticker for the van before my birthday, and all that good stuff... it was -17 degrees Celsius until noon - with the windchill today, it felt like -27 degrees. Damn that was cold... At least Angeni got to school alright. This is a week of winter activities, from skating to skiing, and of course, Valentines parties. Her class doesn't get to celebrate until Friday, when all the sugar can be worn off on the bus ride home, prior to the weekend.

I'm starting to communicate a little with new acquaintances on MySpace. I don't have much time in the day for that sort of thing, but I am basically communicating with native women across Canada - I'm finding other artists and healers, which strengthens our lodge connections. I've even found a native lawyer and she seems like a dynamite person...

Still working on dates for the Aboriginal Healing Practitioner Program, which we hope to start in the late spring... could be a good turnout, or a major flop - we can only hope for good numbers as it has been awhile since we launched it last...

Better go to sleep...

Ya Win Some, Ya Lose Some

2007-02-12T17:51:00.000-08:00

So, I found out tonight that there aren't enough registrants to run the program at Sheridan on March 3rd, so that cancels my trip to Toronto... Kaaren and I shall have to figure out how to celebrate our respective birthdays in another way... However, I also found out today that my anthology submission was accepted for a First Nations Anthology being funded by the Ontario Arts Council... it is being released in July. So we get the yin/yang of the day...

Had a catscan today at the crack of dawn... had to be at the hospital so early it wasn't even daylight for the appointment. Mercifully the early hour meant I wasn't waiting behind a lot of other people, so I was home before 9 AM... I understood there wouldn't be any after effects, except some dizziness and perhaps a headache... The dizziness remains static, but the headache has been a doozy. I'm surprised that there were any after effects, but that's what happens when they irradiate your head. At least they found some brain matter in there. Well, I hope they did...

Angeni actually got to school today!! The second school day of February!! For her it was like having spring break a month early. We didn't mind, as she has the bronchial problems. So far she seems to be healing. Mabel and her mysterious leg wound are on the mend.

Our weather was actually great today, with very little snow accumulation. It looks like the snow may return tomorrow night, with a major storm heading into Toronto... I'm not sure if it will head this far north tomorrow night, but I do think we'll get the counter-clockwise streamers and squalls that have been plaguing us for more than 2 weeks, probably on Wednesday or Thursday. At least Brian hasn't had to plough for a couple of days - he ploughed every day last week.

Freaky Friday

2007-02-09T14:05:00.000-08:00

And yet another snow day for Angeni - she's been in school exactly one day in February so far. It's alright though, she would have missed some of these days with her bronchial pneumonia, so being home is fine... Brian and I both agreed that we don't remember a winter here where he has ploughed every day in a week. Wild weather - we could have more buildup given the lateness of the winter, but so far it isn't too bad.

I've noticed that the less I do this winter, the less I want to do. I'm not depressed, so I'm either lazy or simply recovering from the health ordeals. Probably a healthy mixture of both situations. I've been a member of MySpace for awhile, and am surprised at the tenacity of some musical performers who want to be "your friend". Shameless music hustling is all it is - but I admire this form of social networking. I'm very poor at promoting myself, and thinking outside the box when searching for how to promote upcoming events.

Have a safe weekend.

Psycho Oven Strikes Again

2007-02-08T15:25:00.000-08:00

On the blustery winter day, I thought I'd bake some nice cinnamon buns... the dough has been rising for a couple days, and slathered with all good things. It went in the oven with supper for 25 minutes, baked at the required temperature, but 20 minutes less that suggested. Even with being rotated, the buns are burnt on the bottom. But only burnt on one corner of the pan and toward the middle. They look fine on top. I'm stymied...

Angeni will have been in school a grand total of one whole day this week. At the end of that day (Wednesday) Brian was called to retrieve her because the roads had been closed and the bus couldn't get her to us. The winds are wild and the snow blowing, so we're just going to keep her home tomorrow. Today we had a visit with the doctor over her chest infection, and she was put on a puffer, in addition to having an x-ray, and finishing all her antibiotic. She will be on this puffer for a month. Ever fibre of my being resists this form of steroid-based medicine, but I have to get her well - I'm not so jaded or biased that I can't embrace this form of allopathy. I hope for her sake she feels better soon.

We're dealing with someone who recently had a terrible car accident. He lives, and though his physical injuries were minor, the soul pain has been great. Shock still radiates off his body. We've been working with him on "the way of right relationship", the need to be still with oneself, and not "keeping busy". When we don't face our feelings we are afraid of ourselves. When we avoid our feelings to please others, we fear abandonment - what we do in reality is abandon ourselves. I see this so often, but in this case it could have meant death for our friend and the other driver. It may still cost him his driver's license. A terrible lesson indeed.

Keep cozy in the deep freeze!

Prezies

2007-02-07T06:59:00.000-08:00

Only 7 shopping days left until Valentines Day... and 22 days left until my birthday. My inner 3-year-old and I turn 50 on March 2nd. These 2 pending events require presents (prezies for the uninitiated). I do negotiate with the chief purveyor of prezies - if he gives me a really good one, it can cover both events... He knows this, and he knows me... He's a wary beast. He remembers that I have a short memory, and if he was to give me a blended prezie for Valentines, come my actual birthday the lower lip would drop and a pout the size of the grand canyon would form. The fallout from the prezies-in-absentia on that 50th birthday would reverberate for weeks. He's had 12 years of this reality now, and wants to keep the peace. Yet he doesn't realize that it wouldn't take much...

Brian is very poor at the gifting thing in that he feels what he buys is never right. It is like trying to force Jujube on the halter. The back legs dig in, the head drops and then the kicking starts... Brian hates having to acknowledge these events, although over the years he's had reminder programs to beep him about family birthdays, and has kept a log for dates to remember. None of it really helps - he reads his log, or gets beeped by the program, but it is in one ear, out the other. This, boys and girls, is the crux of male/female differences: Women like to be acknowledged in a romantic, timely way, and men just want to get on with... whatever. No moosh allowed. Men fear being labelled effeminate for being romantic and gifting.

I acknowledge his birthday royally - expensive tools, clothing, nice stuff - whatever he wants. This isn't one-way gift wrapping. Hmmm... I think my friends reading this should email Brian and remind him of his pending obligations... This new form of reminder could replace the log and the beeping date secretary... Since he rarely reads my blog, that would be a surprise. I'm laughing already...

Exploding Bananas and Other Fruitful Tales

2007-02-07T06:35:00.000-08:00

My moratorium on cooking lasted 24 hours... A good blog vent and a discussion of same with the guilty parties elevated the situation to a new level... So last evening I ventured into making a pastry dish which intrigued me, the genesis being a vague comment on a cooking show which I overheard in transit from one room to the other. The premise: wrap ripe bananas in puff pastry, along with a generous sprinkling of pecans and chocolate. Wrap up like an enchilada and bake until nicely browned.

In psycho oven, "nicely browned" takes on a rather sinister connotation. I have to dramatically reduce the temperature and seriously shorten the baking time, or oven ventures could warrant a visit from the boys in the big red truck. We've been there, done that, and never again (I pray). However, in this deep cold spell, I could have probably let psycho oven run at the suggested temperature - the pastry didn't puff easily nor well, and the length of time this extravaganza was in the oven wreaked havoc with the bananas.

The resulting explosion wouldn't rival that of a good Die Hard movie, and Bruce Willis was nowhere to be seen in a fireman's uniform, but it was a mess. Before anyone could see the baking tray, I washed it. The pastry (read: incendiary device) looked like something the plunger suctions out of the toilet when it has backed up from too much paper flushed; I was embarrassed to serve this to our guest. After my rant, and with the fact my family isn't used to me baking extra treats (food stylists be damned), they ate it. Not a single comment....

That recipe won't be appearing in the Ancestor's Diet cookbook, and no photographic record remains of the event. If I had it, I'd post it. Then again, this is a family site, and the visual could be misinterpreted. (Sigh) Tonight's journey in lunacy - cinnamon buns!! Be afraid, be very afraid.

Freedom

2007-02-05T15:01:00.000-08:00

I've had an epiphany - much as I love cooking and baking, I've stopped. I had my last "what's that green stuff" and the "meat is too spicy" comment. They can eat sandwiches or cheese and crackers... For years I've juggled at least 2 or even 3 meals at every sitting with people's likes and dislikes.

I've tried getting my daughter involved in the cooking process - the professionals suggest the kids will eat what they make. Not my kid - she's happy to help, but defies the experts. This is hard to do when she's frequently ill - as a mother I want what is best for her well-being.

I have no patience for a psychotic stove that burns things at 75 degrees less than suggested, in half the time... It's what we get for being forced to buy the cheapest stove going when our old one died. Sometimes it really is true that you get what you pay for, especially with an item that you want to last a few years.

Interestingly, I want to finish my native cookbook, and that requires making samples of the dishes to tweak the recipes. Aboriginal fusion is not just a balance of old/modern but cultural re-interpretation, so I think this is an important thing to complete. We use the Ancestors Diet to help our clients balance blood pH levels, and for those who want to control diabetes with diet and not insulin.

For now, let them eat crap, and perhaps they'll ask for a home-cooked meal. Until then, my apron is retired.

What's in a Name?

2007-02-05T09:48:00.000-08:00

So, in medieval times, a person often was named for the family skill or trade - the name "Shoemaker" is an obvious one... Think of Brewer, Smith, Wordsworth, Tinker, Plummer, Singer, Miller, Wright, Goldsmith - all these are names passed from parent to child denoting career. However, where, oh where does one inherit these names: Savage, Black, Green, Sexsmith and here it is LOVELADY? My oh my, where does my husband's family fit in that career box? (No pun intended... well okay, maybe it was intended.) He wonders why women are looking at his butt in the grocery store, and when we were first pregnant, neighbour women came up to him to rub his arm for "good luck" getting pregnant... (I hope they know other anatomy is involved.) In the village of Wolverton he was known as the Impreganator... So I guess he came by his name honestly - and I'm glad I didn't get to meet his ancestors Big Dick Johnson Lovelady, Big John Stud Lovelady, and the others. Bet they were vikings, or maybe pro wrestlers...

I've had people hear the name Lovelady and react with surprise - and in their spontaneity some snicker, but a couple of times women have gotten all soft and said "What a beautiful name - the Lady of Love". Being a minister that is a wonderfully suitable name... Unfortunately my birth surname, which I still tag into the equation, reputedly means "war mongering horse thief". Thank goodness one wouldn't know that up front...

Brian thinks I only married him for his "attributes". I beg to differ... It might have been because he comes from a family of jewellers. Unfortunately they were all out of the business when I came along... After reading this to him he thinks I am incorrigible. I beg to differ again... I call a spade a spade, and well, you know...

As we near Valentines...

2007-02-03T21:09:00.000-08:00

I'm aware of how fragile love makes me feel... vulnerable, indecisive, exhilarated, conscious of time passing, especially aging. I want to reach out in the middle of the night at the most annoying times and just hold my partner... love makes me aware of how silly I am, how inappropriately intense, and yet I can't do without it. For many years I was not a great partner, simply because I mothered well... when my needs weren't met, because they couldn't be in an imbalanced relationship, I ended things. I've paid for that dearly, time and time again... It took nearly 40 years to learn to be a partner, and an equal - and with the birth of my daughter, the opportunity still to nurture and mother someone...

Slowly I am touching the needs and the way of "right relationship", as my ancestors would say... I do much better relating with trees, plants, animals or crystals than I do with people, especially other women. I would have liked a better relationship with my mother, and to be a better mother than she was... nearing 5 years after her death I am realizing that, to be truthful, I am NOT a better mother, and I struggle to be in right relationship with my daughter. At least I'm doing better as a partner, although this is an ongoing work-in-progress too...

Intimacy is a strange dance. Living in the moment is hard for me, given the abuses of my past, and the threat/fear of pending loss. I've come a long way learning to live without waiting for the other shoe to drop, and be present, in this moment... Ruminating on past mistakes is futile, and wastes the moment, so I don't do it anymore - learned that one a long time ago. Being anxious over the future robs us of an opportunity to co-create with the universe. All we do with fear is manifest it, to be faced.

We are having a violently cold, blustery weekend... a dear friend had a head-on collision last night, after leaving here. He lives, but I have struggled with him today to help him to be present with the karma and shadow issues that have caused the crash. This mentor had no trouble staying away from "mothering" - perhaps in my harsh response to the stupidity of the situation my pendulum swung too far the other way. It was what it was, and we've worked through the situation although he has a difficult week ahead of him. How we can bring grief to ourselves sometimes.

I'm expected, as Nokomis of this lodge, to be compassionate, loving and to impart the medicine (which means teaching to us)... I don't do the loving part well, but I am learning. Perhaps, in looking back on my life, if I can love myself a little more, I can do better in the "loving others" department.

Waxing philosophical in this waning moon...

Sheridan College

2007-02-01T10:16:00.000-08:00

The previous post is part of the ongoing 10 day program at Sheridan college, and if there are enough participants, I'll be teaching on March 3rd... the link for this extravaganza is:

http://www.wot_workshops.cachelan.com/WebFilm/modules/albums/site.php?aid=OAoCt69iNU8jIvZXAMh0SILNhEaXOc+9&view=WS&bgc=0&sd=7&hq=gp

There are many workshops relating to textiles, so this could be quite a weekend for the needlers out there!!

March Medicine Blanket Madness

2007-02-01T10:11:00.000-08:00

Title: Making a Medicine Blanket

Description: This workshop was born from the discovery of a Metis medicine blanket in a family trunk, in Northern Ontario, in the early 1970s. These little blankets were started for children, but not used in their beds. Rather, both boys and girls were taught their birth position on the native medicine wheel, their animal dodems, family history, and the practical skills of stitchery. Over time, as the child grew, all the momentous events of life were somehow depicted on this blanket. Quite often, the cosmology of the medicine wheel is depicted. Baby teeth and hair from loved pets or relatives were put inside the quilted layers. If, as an adult, the child became a shaman or healer, the blankets were put out for ceremony, with sacred objects displayed on them for use during the proceedings. These blankets, if they survived, were meant to go to the grave with the owner.

Presenter: Rev. Kathryn Gorman-Lovelady

Date: Saturday, March 3, 2007

Time: 9:30 AM to 4:30 PM

Maximum Enrollment: 15

Cost: $85.00

Materials Fee: $0.00 (Bring a Sewing Machine)

The Nature of Skepticism

2007-01-30T09:41:00.000-08:00

I enjoy the recent spate of shows on the paranormal – for the most part. Psychic crime investigation shows still bother me, as I did that work once upon a time, and got quite burnt out emotionally from the whole process. So, watching those shows is too much like being a cop and coming home to watch an evening of police shows – nope, not for me. But the other kinds, like Ghostly Encounters, Dead Famous, Creepy Canada, Rescue Mediums or Most Haunted are quite a thrill. To me, those shows are like in-service education, only I don’t have to put on my panty hose, nor plastered-on professional smile and sit in a dull meeting. Mercifully I can change into my pj’s, get under a blanket, and drool over both my popcorn and the new equipment available to paranormal researchers.

One of the interesting evolutions in these programs is the use of parapsychologists. These scholarly skeptics add a voice of balance to those prone to hysteria. I’ve witnessed myself the problems of mass-hysteria and competitive one-up-man-ship that creep into ghost investigations. I applaud the use of parapsychologists – when they are wrong in their analyses, it is clearly obvious where their academic biases lie. When a program doesn’t opt for an accredited parapsychologist, they get hammered in chat rooms that deride and lampoon the findings of the spirit investigators.

I am well aware of “Pathological skepticism” (or Pseudoskepticism), which is a class of pseudoscience masquerading as proper skepticism. A pseudoskeptic is an individual who claims to support "reason" and the "scientific worldview", but frequently uses logical fallacies, attempts to silence opponents, and employs various invalid strategies of persuasion. Gail Porter, the female host of Dead Famous is dangerously close to a pseudoskeptic. She claims to want valid proof, yet when irrefutable proof is handed to her, she waffles. Some skeptics will never accept any proof because they are so afraid of altering their personal paradigm – and what that means in the grand scheme – that they would rather appear foolish on camera than shift from their position.

Skeptics aside, I love these shows, and my very favourite is Most Haunted. While technically the savviest of the shows mentioned, it is very balanced, and I quite admire David Wells, their resident medium. By ‘very balanced’, I mean they switch between a parapsychologist and a paranormal investigator, they have a historian, various guest mediums and a tech-savvy crew who are on camera and directly involved in the shoots. Their humanness is evident, for they still scream like small children after over 5 years of investigating paranormal phenomena – I have screamed and run from a site a few times in my day. So I understand.

Enjoy these shows, for like any fad, I imagine they will not last long. Audiences are fickle, and like the glut of angel shows, or crime shows now past, the pendulum will swing away from our ghost shows soon enough.

Queer Cat Indiosyncrasies

2007-01-27T07:28:00.000-08:00

All 5 of my cats are very different, one from the other. The eldest Nonny Monster, was brought home with our beloved Ethol Louise Carnivore, the Quoon (who passed on our anniversary in Dec. 2005). Nonny and Ethol were jet black. the only cats for 3 years, and when they were about 2 we acquired Pooky, who has always been smaller than any cat in this house at 8 pounds. Anyway Nonny has never been interested in the outdoors until this year - at 15 she ventured tentatively from door to door, cowering at falling leaves and hiding under the porch. Never a lap cat, Nonny doesn't like to be picked up, either - yet, she sleeps every night between Brian and I. Anytime I awaken, she is purring away, mindless of the time. Nonny has never really participated in the household cat hierarchy, coming across in a goofy banal way, like the village idiot. Nearing 16, Nonny has never displayed ill health, bad humour or other any appearance of aging. She trucks along... and eats like a trucker.

Ethol was the matriarch, and any animal up to the largest was put in their place by The Quoon. She sat at the end of the table on a sheepskin, surveying her domain - and she was my girl. Occasionally I could get her on my lap, but her preference was to come in the night and lie on top of me, purring. She had a maloccluded upper jaw, from being left with a broken jaw as a kitten... we found her sick with rhinotracheitis, lying on her side in a parrot cage, in a store that was closing that day we arrived. Needless to say, Ethol had a lifetime of immunity problems and a couple of profound healings, specifically from diabetes. That she lived to almost 15 was a miracle - it's been 13 months and she's come to me 3x in spirit... things are moving along for her - I miss her dearly.

Zuna Piggles arrived in the summer of '94, and she is past 12 years now... For awhile she was the baby, and used to sleep curled around my bun in bed. It has taken her almost her whole life to tentatively be a lap cat - never to be picked up - and always on her terms. Cranky should be her middle name and at times I see her as more cantankerous than Ethol ever was... Zuna took over as alpha female when the Quoon died... Zuna is a tortoise shell, and has had her share of kidney problems, but otherwise seems in good shape... Her gift is performance art - she assumes these poses and lies perfectly still - she looks like a roadkill raccoon. She will only eat dry food, which is interesting. A feisty, free spirit, who pees on the couch when "pissed off"...

Bob and Mr. Bill arrived with the original Max, almost 6 years ago. They were tiny kittens, born of sister cats, and were birthed the same day apparently. Bob is black and white, a bit like a hairy Felix, and totally loony - the light is on, but no one is home. He is so agile one assumes he may not have an actual skeleton. He is dishevelled and devilish, but is the consummate lap cat. He and Bill spent most of their first year living in the barn together, making mischief. The pressure of winter cold brought them indoors, but they still go out when they want to... Mr. Bill is gray sporting a white ascot and spats. A very handsome, Cary Grant-like elegant feline. His body movements are smooth and he's an accomplished mouser. Bill is a moosh - he loves to lie on me several times a night, gently using his paws to tap my face while he purrs. Like Bob he is a lap cat, just not nearly as goofy. Bill especially likes boxes to perch on or in... We have one that we call Feline Theatre, and another that is a space ship... Bill goes from one to the next, apparently conquering space and attacking aliens.

The final lunatic cat is Angel Piggles. He arrived on the civic long weekend of 2004, a mere 5 months old. I left for a conference and he was in a tree crying... 3 days later I get home and he's still in the tree. No kiss of welcome from my husband, just the terse comment "No more f@!#$%^&g cats in the house!" (We had 5 already at that point - until Ethol died we had six.) Brian is a man who hand-raised a footless robin for fear it would die, so a stern look from me, and the wail of a starving cat overcame his crabbiness... Angel jumped in his arms and we never looked back. Angel is a torty like Zuna, hence his last name "Piggles", but the vet tells me he was born on Feb. 14th, therefore Angel... Zuna has taken 2 years to tolerate his mere presence in the house, and mercifully for Angel he has grown larger than Zuna, which has helped to stop the attacks - to his credit, he never strikes back. He's a drooler and a lover - he sits on my chest and drools his love purr. He sleeps with Angeni, who he treats like a peer, and is the bathtub cat. Anyone who goes to the bathroom, gets attacked through the curtain, and must submit to throwing cat toys around the tub, which he chases. He's also fascinated with water, especially dripping from a faucet, or the contents of the toilet spinning around. He'll be 3 next month...

So there you have it, the idiosyncrasies and foibles of crazy cats. And I'll always miss Ethol.

-20 Degrees this morning - eek

2007-01-25T16:26:00.000-08:00

What a bitterly cold morning!! We took Angeni's skates and helmet to the arena and it was indeed -20 degrees. The class was about 8 minutes late getting to the arena today, as the teacher blamed them for being "disorganized" - not sure what she really meant. Anyway, after skating was over, we headed into Hanover for some quick shopping, and managed to get to my doctor's appointment this afternoon.

Unfortunately it turned into a difficult experience as half way home the thermostat blew on the van - no heat in the van for two hours... we kept having to stop the van every couple of kilometers so the engine could cool down. it took 90 minutes to get to the Varney mechanic. Just before the mechanic's place, within walking distance, we encounter police and firetrucks - 2 snowmobilers were apparently killed crossing Hwy 6. We weren't allowed to cross the scene in case we ruined evidence - Brian couldn't even walk to the mechanic's garage. So we headed back into Durham to a GM dealership - not much they could do for the Kia. The van was towed to Guelph at dinnertime. A neighbour kindly came and got me so I could be home for Angeni and her arrival from school. The same neighbour went back to get Brian at 5 PM which was very kind of him... Two snowmobilers aren't going home to their families tonight.

Anyway, I'm scheduled to be in hospital all day Monday for transfusions, and this should help me feel better while I get well. More tests will happen mid-February, but at least I'm on the road to some energy. Right now, having been in the cold from the arena at 9 AM to the roadside engine cooling extravaganzas, I'm frozen to the marrow.

In the meantime, I read with horror that a man shot his daughter (17) in the head 4 times for his belief that the girl wasn't a virgin - even though this was verified in writing by her doctor - as this brought shame to his family. He had signed a form saying he wouldn't hurt his daughter. The pathologist, after the autopsy, verified the girl was indeed a virgin. The man surrendered to police immediately. Apparently 20 women a year are killed in Jordan for this "shame" every year. Murder is somehow less shameful than possible lost virginity? 20 young women a year?
I'm mortified... the average sentence for these "shame" crimes is 6 months in prison. The president of Jordan wants this practice abolished, but the orthodox senate won't overturn the law for fear of "promiscuity". This is a call to action...

Gotta get under the blankets and warm up...

Lights, Camera, Dogs Barking...

2007-01-24T19:58:00.000-08:00

The old lodge was turned into a television studio today, as members of the United Church came to interview me... I had reviewed their "Song of Praise" and discussed areas of common agreement (and divergent perspectives) with host, Royal Orr... He was gracious and intelligent, and I enjoyed how we meshed. I can only hope the edited version doesn't make me look like a blithering idiot... Unfortunately for Brian, the dogs felt the need to walk in and out of the scene during the interview, and to tap on the doors - they seemed a bit antsy about the change in the environment. We got through without too much distraction... It is nice to have authentic dialogue with someone who is sincerely interested in learning another spiritual tradition. Royal made me feel comfortable and at ease to speak of things which perhaps were startling for him... No nerves, no sweat... Apparently the cameraman got pictures of the donkey and horses... Now I can legitimately say my ass was on TV. Okay, bad joke...

Angeni's school has had serious plumbing problems the last couple of days. She was nervous to go back today because she had two tests, but also she didn't like having to go across the highway to use the community centre's washroom. Apparently the kids couldn't even wash their hands before lunch. Yesterday's problem was fixed for the morning, but by noon the plumbing was down again - she may end up home tomorrow because of the snow and the lack of running water. I hope they fix it soon...

A total change of subject because I just got a glimpse of Max. She sleeps on her back, legs in the air, tucked against the bedroom wall. It is a sight to behold, especially when she is dreaming and her feet are going... very funny. She did not properly develop the top balls of either femur, nor the ball sockets in her pelvis, so I am sure this posture is her way of stretching the vertebrae and releasing stress from the pelvis. Spunky occasionally sleeps that way in the daytime, as much because of her extensive girth - it allows her to take a load off, so to speak. Starr has never adopted this pose for any reason... come to think of it, neither has Pooky.

Anyway back to other issues... In prepping for the filming today, we started tidying extensively last weekend... we were still decluttering and emptying stuff an hour before the film crew arrived - at least the house is alright for clients on Friday, and our Midewiwin gathering on Sunday. In the midst of all this I started knitting cuffs for my new winter coat, as the sleeves are wide and the wind just whips up my arms, making me unduly cold. My anaemia doesn't help in the warmth department...

I am in the mood to cook and bake... I'm hoping to do a lot of that tomorrow if Angeni is home from school. If the school is open, we'll be taking her skates and helmet in the car, and meeting her at 9:25 AM for a skating lesson... As busy as I am, I think it is important to be present to her skating endeavours. I doubt she'll ever be a Canadian champion, but she tries hard. We'll go from there into Hanover for some needed errands, and come home for lunch... then I have a doctor's appointment. After we get home I can bake - or nap - whatever works.

It's cold out there tonight - keep warm.

Mutterings of Madness

2007-01-23T20:26:00.000-08:00

The large wrestler Bam Bam Bigelow died this past week at the age of 45 - this once proud purveyor of pugilistic purity was destitute and drug addicted. He'd lost everything material to divorce, and his self-hood to a sense of being past his prime. Rest in peace, big man... So many wrestlers have died around the age of 40 and not for reasons like Bam Bam - some have just over-worked their bodies. The athletic life has its risks, to be sure...

On Jan 19th I celebrated the 14th anniversary of Pooky's arrival in my life - I waxed nostalgic at the memories of her first car ride, and the puppy nonsense she got into... My dear old friend is still with me - more feeble, still peeing on everything, but as loyal and wilful as the day she arrived.

The United Church comes calling tomorrow, to film our comments on their "Song of Faith" - this could be very interesting... Although I don't feel well, I'll find the wherewithal to get on my finest liturgical duds and face the camera. Angeni may be home during this event, as her school's plumbing failed - the kids couldn't use the loo, nor wash their hands all day. Instead they were taken in shifts to the local arena for bathroom jaunts. We'll know in the morning if she is home with us... I don't mind - she is coughing again. Next week she has two PA days on Feb. 1st and 2nd - a very long weekend for her, indeed! We will be visiting my sister and her husband in Sauble Beach. It is Judy's 48th birthday on Ground Hog day - I hope the groundhog doesn't see his shadow!! Nor Judy's!!!

More doctor's visits this week, and more tests all for me - fun, wow... Sunday we have our Midewiwin gathering here and I look forward to seeing these people - I haven't seen most of them since the end of November, and for some, it's been several months.

I'm saddened at the plight of the "Jungle Woman" who wandered out of the woods the other day, only to be harrassed with constant visitation by villagers. She is now being tested by a Spanish psychologist who wishes people would just leave her be... the local policeman is sure it is his daughter who got lost at age 8 - some 18 years ago! He's prepared to do DNA testing to prove it is her... I hope they can have that done sooner than later because this family needs to have a reality check - if she isn't their daughter, they can perhaps find closure over their missing child, and if it IS their daughter, so much of their family information can be used to help her feel a sense of belonging in her healing phase. I can't imagine Angeni losing language, even after 18 years of aloneness, but there you go... truth is stranger than fiction!

Keeping warm in the frigid north...

The Tenacity of Chickens

2007-01-17T09:45:00.000-08:00

I marvel at our chickens... they do have the proverbial "pecking order". There is one dominant rooster, and the subordinate males make clucking sounds like the hens, and don't dare crow. The top females are also most clear about who gets the feeder first. The hens are incredibly protective of their young, holding them up under their wings even in the heat of summer - god/dess help the dog who noses in too close! Also, they change their laying stations regularly, and seem to know which eggs are viable, and if something stills the viable egg, they know to leave it. Hens are adept at figuring out where to hide eggs - their brains are the size of peas for heaven's sake. Instinct that has apparently moved forward from their dinosaur ancestors...

They prefer to roost in our trees, up until the weather drops below zero - there is a pecking order for the branches. If one bird gets in the wrong spot, a hew and cry ensues until they all parachute to the ground, and start again. Some birds (usually adolescent roosters) must stay in separate trees. Maybe their smoking in bed or something... cracker crumbs perhaps?

The thing that truly amazes is a pair of chicks whose mother was killed when they were less than 2 weeks old - in the cold of winter, with little knowledge transferred from mom - these little gaffers are defying the odds and living. They would be about 5 weeks old now, and growing. Somehow they are protecting themselves, and seem to understand to stay under the heat lamp. Our barn cats are staying in the house now. but even when out there, they left the babies alone. I'm impressed.

An orderly society in our barn - amazing. I wish they would transfer some of these smarts to the equines!

Couple of Things

2007-01-16T13:13:00.000-08:00

I get emails about my blog entries, mostly asking for clarification on events or such that people don't understand or want more information... then there are comments suggesting what I "could" be writing about. Well, with apologies to Lesley Gore "It's my blog and I'll write what I want to..." This isn't an appropriate venue for teaching native medicine traditions nor for counselling - even on general concepts - in my opinion. So anyone holding their breath hoping for that kind of output will expire from anoxia before they ever see those kinds of commentaries. Anyone with issues needs to honour the process and come to make an appointment for one-on-one communication, if it is really that important to them - I take the issues seriously. If I am irreverent - it is my nature, if my comedic timing is off - so be it, if my language offends - stop reading. Enough said...

Brian and I were talking about our journey from Guelph to Wolverton, and then here to the farm 7 years ago. I could remember Pooky and Spike in Wolverton, and everywhere we've lived, but I cannot for the life of me remember the cats being in Wolverton!! I don't remember where I fed them, where they slept, what nonsense they got up to... I know I got all 3 elder cats in Guelph, so by default they had to be with us in Wolverton... I remember the older cats in Guelph, but not later, however I remember loading them in cat carriers for the trip north - and that is it. Brian was surprised, since my memory is so acutely precise... funny what we choose to retain and what we leave out of the active memory banks...

Speaking of cats, Nonny has started to wander around the house in her 16th year... Always a house cat, none of the older cats ever wanted to go outside. Now, with great trepidation, she will go out one door and in the other, skulking under the stairs or otherwise acutely sensitive to her outdoor environs. A falling leaf will spook her, and yet she continues to ask for the wonderful journey - a lesson for me perhaps, as I get older.

Winter temperatures have arrived now that it is mid-January. Not much snow yet, though. Angeni had a surprise day home yesterday because of icy road conditions - and she is is kid who hates missing school. She coped.

Gregg Braden

2007-01-13T08:59:00.000-08:00

This information was forwarded by a former student who follows Braden's writings... I find it interesting when viewed with Native American perspectives on these "Times of Winds and Changes":
The Shift Is Happening Now, with Gregg Braden
by Wynn Free

There are many quantifiable scientific indicators proving that the Earth and the Solar System are going through changes which have never previously occurred in recorded human history. Many psychics and channelers say that we have entered the beginning of a dimensional shift which is already deeply affecting all of our lives. And some predict that within the next decade we will enter into an Ascension process fulfilling the prophecies of Jesus.
Gregg Braden is probably the most recognized person who is evaluating and revealing the scientific phenomena pointing to this shift. He became intrigued with all this when he was working for Phillips Petroleum in the late 1970s and noticed that the magnetics of the earth were at their lowest point in 2000 years and decreasing at a rapid rate. Eventually, Braden wrote a book Awakening to Zero Point that documented this and other indicators of our rapidly changing planet.

Wynn: Is it true that the magnetic poles of the earth are in the process of shifting right now?

Gregg: In May-June-July of 2002, it was very well acknowledged and esteemed scientific journals actually were saying for the first time that we are in the process of a polar reversal. Back in the 1960s, geologists were certain that the earth periodically went through a reversal. They could tell from core samples, ice samples, and fossils, as well as magnetized particles that were locked into certain positions in the rock of the earth. Geologists were so certain about this phenomenon that they actually mapped out the last four-and-a-half-million years, and the resulting records suggested that the earth has gone through fourteen of these polar reversals. At that time, back in 1961 and 1962, scientists felt that the last pole reversal occurred at about the time of the last Ice Age, ten to twelve thousand years ago. And they were certain it would happen again, but not for thousands of years, so it was nothing to worry about.But through the 1990s, geologists continued to refine this kind of information. They had been saying it took thousands of years for this to happen. Then they began to say, "Well, it can happen
in hundreds of years." But now, recent evidence from some of the ice cores in Greenland and Antarctica say that it could happen in as little as a decade.But now, we know that the poles are actually moving. We're living
it right now. We don't know exactly what that means, because even though it's happened fourteen times in the last four and a half million years, it's never happened with six billion people on the earth.

Wynn: Are you saying that it's common knowledge?

Gregg: It's common knowledge to people that need to know these things. For example, FAA regulations say that when the poles move beyond five or eight degrees, the runways at the airports have to be renumbered to correlate with the magnetic headings that the pilots are seeing. The first airport in the United States to comply with this mandate was Minneapolis/St. Paul, where they spent something on the order of eighty-five thousand dollars to go through and renumber the runway headings. But what happened in the May-June-July time frame of 2002 is that journals such as Nature, Science, Scientific American, and New Scientist released reports saying that we are definitely in the process of a magnetic reversal, and the AP wires picked it up.Scientists have no idea what the impact is going to be to electronic and electromagnetic power grids. But even more, they don't know what it means to human immune systems. Alternative healing modalities have shown a connection between magnetics and the immune system, which also would imply that our immune systems could very well be keyed into the magnetic fields of the earth. We know that birds and animals migrate along the lines of these magnetic fields. So there is speculation that the changes taking place in the magnetic field are responsible for the changing
migratory patterns in birds that have been recorded in Asia and North America.The change in the fields also may explain why whales are beaching themselves. The lines of navigation that the whales have always followed have shifted and now lead them onto a beach. When we take them back out into the water and set them free, they
continue to align themselves with the same magnetic lines, and in following them, they end up on the beach again.
So, yes, it's common knowledge now. The most respected scientific journals say that we're in this shift. And even though we don't know precisely what that means, it's significant that it is being acknowledged in peer-review kinds of literature, and not just in speculative or pseudo-scientific magazines.

Wynn: When was this magnetic shift first acknowledged?

Gregg: It would have been in the June/July time frame of 2002. People were sending me emails that they had seen it, and giving me references. I also found references in the magazines myself.

Wynn: Would we survive a complete pole shift?

Gregg: Any answer to that question must of necessity lie within the realm of speculation, because in traditional recorded human history it's never happened. On the other hand, there are Native traditions and ancient Hebrew biblical traditions suggesting that a magnetic shift may have happened even more recently than the last Ice Age. That was 10,000 to 12,000 years ago, but these traditions suggest that the last shift may have happened as
recently as 3,600 years ago. Native legends speak of a day 3,600 years ago when the sun rose from the west as it had always done, hovered in the sky for more than a full day, and set in the east but the next day, it rose in the east and set in the west, as it does today. Hebrew traditions speak of this event, also, saying that it happened during a battle. The ancient Hebrews took it as a sign that one ide was receiving celestial assistance, because it stayed light long enough for the battle to complete in their favor. We can't verify this in the rock or fossil records, because 3,600 years is too short a period of time for such an event to be reflected there. All we have to go by are traditions, legends, and myths preserved in oral and written documents. What the trandition tells us, however, is that if something like this were to happen, the people of the earth would live through it. It would have to be a really strange day to live through, but if the ancient legends are true, it happened and the people apparently survived. However, we don't know how it affected their lives.

Wynn: Do you have any idea how this magnetic shift might change consciousness?

Gregg: The speculation is that there is a correlation between consciousness and magnetics. In order to understand how this connection might work, it is useful to compare it to a computer's memory. The magnetic fields in the memory are held in place through an electrical charge a trickle charge within the computer itself. When the batteries in the computer die, the charge is gone, and the memory is lost. We have to reload the
operating system.

Similarly, by researchers and descendants of indigenous peoples believe that when the earth goes through what science sees as a magnetic reversal, it also will be a great shift and cleansing of the earth's consciousness. There will be nothing holding all the magnetic patterns that have been put in place. So when we awaken from this shift, what becomes consciousness will be our truest nature, our truest essence. And the memory of all of the evil or
all the bad things or all of the grudges or the ego and we've held against one another as individuals and nations will not be part of that new consciousness, that new grid. From that perspective, many traditions predict, sense, or speculate that we are nearing a time of what they call the Great Cleansing, and that this cleansing is happening at a level of core memory of consciousness.

Wynn: So is it possible to assume that in some way, our memory is connected to this magnetic field?

Gregg: I think so. I think that because of the strange accounts of the astronauts who left earth and went into space during the Apollo Program. In leaving the earth's atmosphere and circling the planet many miles above the surface, the affects of earth's magnetics were negligible. And the astronauts began to have experiences that they were not prepared or trained for, that were totally unanticipated. When they were in space and looked back to earth, they began having insights and feelings, awakenings and awarenesses that they had never had when they were on the earth. It meant something different to each one of them. In much the same way, friends of mine who went to Viet Nam were all changed when they came home. It changed everyone. For some, the change was so painful that they could never speak about it, and for others, the change was a catalyst in their lives and they
spoke of it incessantly. And I believe there was actually a PBS special that documented this same phenomenon with the astronauts, that they were never the same afterward. When they came back, there were some who
didn't know what to do with their outer space experience. Some turned to drugs and alcohol. Others channeled the change that occurred within them in very positive, life-affirming projects. One of this latter group was Dr. Edgar Mitchell, who founded the Noetic Sciences Organization in an effort to validate the phenomenon of human consciousness. Another astronaut undertook the search for Noah's Ark, and actually found it embedded in the
ice on Mt. Ararat, right where the Bible said it would be.[1] <http://spiritofmaat.com/archive/jan3/#fn>

Wynn: So the implication here is that these astronauts, because they left the magnetic field of the earth, had some kind of spiritual awakening?

Gregg: They certainly went through a catharsis when they were no longer in the influence of the earth's magnetic field. We also see something similar happening when we look at the magnetic fields of the earth. They are not constant over the surface of the earth, and contour maps, available through United States Geologic Survey, show the varying intensities of magnetic fields over the surface of the earth where magnetic fields have a very high intensity and where the intensity if very low. Those fields have shifted over time, and may actually account for why populations of humans have migrated to the places they've migrated to. They might have been following these magnetic contours. What happens is that in the places where the magnetics are very low, where their effects are negligible, tremendous change and innovation appear to occur. Where the magnetics are traditionally
high, those are the places of stagnation where changes, although they do happen, take a long time and change is very slow in coming. If I were coming here from another world and didn't know anything about the people of the earth, and if I were looking for a place where the opportunity of change was the greatest, I would look for the zero contour lines. And if you look at a map of the magnetics on earth today, what you find is that there is a zero contour line that runs along the West Coast of North America along the California coast and on up off the coast of Alaska. In other words, the magnetics along the West Coast are almost nil!

When we think of the West Coast, we think about wacky California. Well, the truth is California is a seed, one of several, and it's traditionally been very innovative in technology, science, fashion, finance, and the arts, because there is an opportunity for tremendous change there. Within North American, the flip side of that would be an area of highest magnetics, where the magnetic fields are the most dense. And you find this down through some of the Southeastern states the very states that are traditionally viewed as being conservative. This doesn't mean that change can't happen there. What is says, however, is that change takes a long time there, and people have to see a really good reason before they are going to budge from what they've always done.

Wynn: So where the magnetic field is less dense, people are more open to the moment?

Gregg: They're open to change, period. It doesn't mean that the change is good, bad, right, or wrong. It's important to be clear about this. The consciousness of the people will determine how that change comes about.
I'll give an ironic example. There is a zero contour line that runs right through the Middle East. It actually runs almost directly underneath the area we call the Suez Canal, right up into Israel, right along the coast of the Red Sea. Yes, right in that area is a zero contour line. This means that area is ripe for change. But again, how that change comes about whether it's peaceful and constructive or angry and destructive is determined by the consciousness of the people who live there.

Wynn: So it's not good or bad either way?

Gregg: Precisely. It simply is an opportunity for change. At the same time, the highest magnetic contour lines noted anywhere on the planet earth have traditionally been in portions of the former Soviet Union, Russia, and Siberia. We know that in that part of the world, there was a system that was in place, and while change came about, it was slow and painful, a long time coming, with a lot of suffering. But when that change happened, there was a cascade effect, and it happened almost overnight. So the correlations are very interesting between human
consciousness, the opportunities for innovation, change, doing things in a new way, and the magnetics of our world. The Earth has many areas of high and low change.

Wynn: Our readers are going to want to know how they can best face the changes that are coming in our world as a whole.

Gregg: I'll be as concise as I can. I think that the answer to that is perhaps encapsulated best in the words of those who have come before us, the ancient Essenes, in a text that's more than 2,500 years old. It reminds us of our relationship to the world around us, and says simply that the world around us is nothing more and nothing less than a mirror of what we have become from within. So when we see a world that appears angry, cruel, and
thoughtless, that produces suffering for our brothers and sisters all over the world from this perspective, that world is a mirror of what we have become as individuals, families, societies, and nations. It's not right, wrong, good or bad. It's simply a reflection of who we are. The condition of the planet is a feedback mechanism. So if we want to see change in our world, we must become that change in our every day lives. If we want to see peace, tolerant understanding, compassion, and forgiveness at the global level, we must become that. At the dinner table. With our families. We must become that with our schools. We must demand that we be entertained through peace, compassion, and understanding. It doesn't have to be dull and boring. It can still be very exciting, but it does not have to be ruthless, thoughtless, cruel, or heartless. So in our daily lives, every moment of every day, we make a choice that either affirms or denies life in our bodies. Because we are linked through this grid. Our individual choices all pool into the collective answer to our future. If we'd like to see a collective change, we must individually become that change.

Wynn: We have this date of 2012 that many people are saying is this time of global shift or Ascension. What do you think is going to happen?

Gregg The date 2012 is interesting because it comes up in Mayan traditions, Egyptian traditions, some of the Christian traditions, and even in the Bible Code which is very controversial unto itself. My sense is this date could be any date. If we focus on a date and live our lives preparing for a change on that date, we miss life. From my perspective, if we simply live each day of our lives to its fullest, we reconcile the experiences that cross our paths each day, we reconcile the opportunity to honor life, to honor our relationships with one another. If we are honest, truthful, considerate, caring and compassionate, if we live this each day, we have already prepared for whatever could possibly come on 2012 or any other day, any other year, any time in our future.
I know people who are living their lives hoarding boxcars full of food and ammunition, preparing for the day when our world changes. I understand, and I think it's good to be self sufficient. I understand what they are saying. But also what I've seen is that so much of their lives is dedicated to preparing for that day, they've missed the beauty and the mystery of life that unfolds in every day. And it's in perceiving this beauty and mystery that we prepare for the greatest challenges!

Wynn: So basically, if one wants to approach this change with the maximum positive outcome for themselves, the key is to live each day with the maximum output of love, compassion, and caring?

Gregg: Yes, and to do this, we have to live each day consciously. Be aware of the opportunities. Recognize the opportunities that cross our paths. Every day, we're given the opportunity to be tolerant of another belief system, to forgive someone who has hurt or angered us, to reconcile our own judgments about what should or should not be in our world. If we can reconcile these things as they cross our paths and consciously deal with them in the moment, then we know we're changing the chemistry of our bodies by changing the way we feel, and are thus preparing ourselves for whatever transitions the earth is going to go through. If that makes sense.

Wynn: Yes, it does to me. Is there anything really important to close with for our readers that I might have missed?

Gregg: For the first time in our history, the fate of our species, our entire species, rests upon the choices of a single generation. And what we've just done is talked about what some of those choices are all about.

The Naked Archeologist

2007-01-11T18:40:00.000-08:00

What a great show... the documentarian Simcha Jacobovici, is pushing (in a hilarious, irreverent way) the scholars to match or refute old and new testament stories with modern archaeological techniques... tonight it was whether leprosy (Hanson's disease) even existed in the time of Jesus. Clearly if it didn't exist, Jesus couldn't be healing lepers with his hands. Well, modern forensics proved the existence of Hanson's, so Jesus may well have healed with laying of hands. As a healer, this is wonderful news. Then he tackles Joshua, the ancient general. Good stuff.

I'm on the mend but agitated by a lack of energy... we had to postpone our clients until next week as I didn't want to expose anyone to my infections. We're upping Angeni's immune boosters and she isn't balking too much - she's a good kid. Very attached to penguins at the moment. I guess it's a good thing we're having a bit of winter or the penguins might bugger off.

Pooky has good and bad days... the prednisone is hard on her kidneys, but also makes her hungry too - she likes her food where she never used to do. I compare her geriatric constant care to the intensity of dealing with my mother in her later days of life.

Blessings to all in this new year...

Bacteria Boogey

2007-01-09T15:38:00.000-08:00

I'm not posting much because I'm actually quite ill... we've postponed clients until next week as this is infectious... I'd sequester myself in the trailer if it wasn't so cold... The treatment for this is as bad as the sickness, so I'm feeling pretty awful... I'll resume posting soon... Off to bed.

Dances with Crystals

2007-01-06T13:59:00.000-08:00

I'm loving some new crystals that made their way into our lodge over the last couple of months. We've been using them for healing and the effects are magnificent. Size doesn't matter with crystals - they resonate to their specific cps whether big or small. However, these are larger specimens and the whole array of mixed chemistry with the matrix these crystals grow in, allows for some mighty intense energy. I wouldn't use them on small children or the infirm, but wow do they have some wild flow! Mostly these are green apophylite and some celestite in various matrices. Also we have had some small specimens of red sapphire (not ruby) and green sapphire. Great stuff. I would like to hear from other crystal workers on their latest helpers.

Canadian Metis Council

2007-01-06T13:54:00.000-08:00

Brian and I have been National Elders with the CMC for a number of years... we received the following information from Dr. John Roberts:

"The CMC seems to be going in the right direction, and I've been spending some time reorganizing. We now have 8678 members, and I'm meeting with the Metis Interlocytor this month to get funding in order. We have members in every Canadian province and 17 American states, as well as in England. I can send you a copy of the revised bylaws if you wish.... (The) Assembly this year July 13, 14, 15 at Backus Conservation area, Port Rowan."

It is exciting to see that the CMC is flourishing this way, and that 3 of the original 6 National Elders including Gord Johnson and us, are willing to continue in our walk (2 of the other elders have passed and one has retired). These are good times...

Flowering in January

2007-01-02T08:29:00.000-08:00

Can't believe my violas are still alive in the old cauldron by the porch - I could almost comprehend that the calendula plants are still alive in the raised bed garden - but the violas are in shallow dirt in an old metal cauldron that conducts cold. They aren't insulated. Yet, their little heads are still in upright bloom. Amazingly miraculous for January!! Actually, the fact that it is 7 degrees with no snow in January, and the ground isn't yet frozen is quite astonishing. We got our first real heavy snow on Feb. 5th 2006, so perhaps we are heading for another short, sharply cold couple of winter months like last year...

Because I'm sick, New Year's Day yesterday had a surreal quality - we went to bed well before midnight on New Year's Eve, but I couldn't sleep being all congested and coughing. Didn't sleep much last night either, as the congestion moved more into my sinuses. Trying to sleep propped up is a trick, and hard on the back... Also trying to organize a television show being shot here by the United Church, concerning their statement of faith, but the last thing I want to do is hork, cough and wheeze my way through an interview - not a pretty site. Hopefully I can move that to early next week when I sound less like a honking Muppet and look better than the wreck of the Hesperus.

We watched a few minutes of the Aboriginal Peoples Choice Music Awards last night - it was the inaugural show, broadcast from Manitoba. It was wonderful to see Elijah Harper presenting an award. It showcased a wonderfully diverse representation of traditional powwow to contemporary rock musicians - sometimes blending old with new! Delightful to see. Perhaps it will be rerun this week sometime, so we can catch the whole show...

Enjoy the sun...

Holiday Tunes

2007-01-01T19:49:00.000-08:00

Being delirious with another virus, I thought I'd add some joy to the world... took Brian a few days to tweak this "just so"... Go to MySpace.com, and look up me on that site under my native name Moonraven... go to my videos. Really... it warrants an Oscar, or Gemini, or a hockey puck in the head, or something... enjoy...

Happy New Year

New Years Eve Ramblings

2006-12-31T08:36:00.000-08:00

Can't believe it's New Year's Eve... Angeni is still recovering from pneumonia, although a second trip to our own doctor provided her with the medicine she needs this time... I've got laryingitis brewing, which gives Brian fodder for all kinds of jokes... Shamanic Mime school anyone?

What a year... Saddam has been executed, James Brown passes from pneumonia, the Kyoto accord is butchered by Harper - I'm surprised he's lasted this long, frankly... The war in Iraq is a rerun of Viet Nam... More aboriginal communities are without potable drinking water (always under "study"). Polar bears near extinction. This is enough of the bad stuff... I'll mull over the good stuff and figure out what is good in the world. Help me out here... Pooky made it through Christmas and New Years - not a huge thing for the big world, but helpful in my world. I'll come up with more good stuff...

Normally I'm fairly aware of musical gossip, but when looking up some information on a favourite singer, Dusty Springfield, I was saddened to learn she died (on my birthday) in 1999 of breast cancer. I'm surprised I didn't hear that either through the news or the spirit net. Wow. She was only 59 years old.

I don't make New Years resolutions - that's a recipe for disaster. I like to focus on the good things I've done in the past year, and brain storm how to accelerate the accomplishments, if I can... One area is cooking. I'm getting more stamina for, and interest in, home cooking for the family. I always baked and experimented, but when Angeni came along, her tolerance factors for adult fare really diminished what I cooked. Eating out was also a temporary lure... Not healthy stuff. Then, because of the Food Network, I got some interest in native cooking, and pulled together all my original notebooks from when I studied midewiwin in the 1980's, various grandmother and mother's recipes and began in intensive comparison of cooking from the 1920's through the 1960's and how that compared/contrasted to native cooking. On my back burner is a book on native recipes that enhance healing, through what we call the "Ancestors Diet". That is something I feel passionate about completing in the new year, if I can.

Must go buy some toothbrushes, this New Year's Eve - long story. Blessed New Year to all...

Christmas once and again...

2006-12-27T07:28:00.000-08:00

We got through our Christmas almost unscathed... the one thing Angeni didn't bargain for was the gift of pneumonia, but there you have it. It meant a trip to the hospital early on Boxing Day. Mind you, that was AFTER a 7 AM jaunt into Zellers in Hanover to get her much-desired game boy. She pooled her Christmas money and earnings to have this, which was successful for her.

Anyway, despite my loathing of Boxing Day materialistic scavenging, we found ourselves back in Hanover, prescription in hand, needing to fight the crowds for the luxury of dealing with the pharmacist. I am grateful there was a pharmacy open. We did find a couple of small things to buy on sale, specifically laundry soap for sensitive skin - that was enough. Two trips to Hanover and one trip to Durham later, we were home before noon.

The new Game Boy was small comfort because being sick, Angeni couldn't visit her godmother in Toronto (originally scheduled from today until Friday). Although Angeni is acclimating well to this new antibiotic, there could always be a reaction and not the thing to saddle Kaaren with... so sadly she has to wait for another school break. Kaaren has enough to handle right now with Kathleen's back being on the outs.

We're all tired. Today we're seeing clients and it is back in the saddle for a couple of days. From there the phone is off the hook and we are doing nothing until after January 2nd. Angeni is home until the 8th and needs our time and attention, and we need to just crash a bit.

My blessings to everyone for a safe and wonderful New Year 2007. I'll post some things to watch out for (in a good way!) in my next posting.

Wrestling in Varney

2006-12-23T10:16:00.000-08:00

So what ever happened to Saturday afternoon wrestling? I'm forced to watch Food Network. Right - wrasslin' with clams on Ricardo's show.

I made the party food, wrapped the gifts, and sent Brian and Angeni off to visit his family... I am home with my dogs, cats, chickens, equines and various spooks, having a much more reasonable day. There are still cookies and mincemeat to bake but I can flow with my afternoon... laundry has happened and dishes are caught up, so all is well. No in-laws for me this year... With a few hours to myself I will wrap Brian's presents allowing me to put all that stuff away. Last year he and I were wrapping gifts on Christmas Eve. We're ahead of schedule this year.

We are having a collective family nap, momentarily... once the laundry is transferred. I can dream about wrestling shows of the past.... ZZZZZZZ

Christmas Ponderings

2006-12-22T17:41:00.000-08:00

It's Friday night... I'm not out dancing or yucking it up at a club... I'm at home cooking for a family gathering tomorrow... I'm cooking things one usually doesn't bring to a "Christmas" dinner, but I'm just the obedient guest... Could be the steam from the dryer, the boiling pasta, the dishwasher or my brain overloading, but a few thoughts have surfaced...

Why does my elderly dog go out of her way to pee on the hardwood floor over all the other (less easy to damage) surfaces? Does hardwood make her think she's peeing on some tree somewhere? Memories?
Why is my other dog Max suddenly afraid of a 2-foot-tall plush penguin? This is after a week of it sitting there... is it possessed or something?
Why is it so hard to get kids in the shower or bath, and once you battle them in there, you can't get them to come out?
Why do I care about the size of the veggies I've diced for pasta salad? Is it a contest?

It's official - I have Holiday-Stupidity-Stress. I've been working for years on trying to avoid burnout from people-pleasing. Ministers are supposed to keep people happy, but it is at the expense of my own sanity at times. So, I quit. No more cooking tonight. I'll measure the carrots tomorrow. Maybe... probably... might not even go to the damn function, but Brian will... okay, enough.

Christmas

2006-12-20T06:48:00.000-08:00

Yes, I celebrate Christmas... I get that question a lot. I was raised in a Presbyterian Church, then transferred to the Spiritualist Church (where I became a licensed ordained minister), and have since transferred to the new entity - Wolfe Island Aboriginal Interfaith. A sister-in-law felt I couldn't be a "real" minister because we didn't have a building. Hmmm. A church to me, is the body of people of like-minded belief, rather than a fancy building to celebrate those beliefs. It wouldn't matter if we did have a building, that sister-in-law doesn't believe anyone outside the Baptist tradition is legitimate anyway. So racism exists within our own family.

Being now an interfaith minister, who specializes in native traditions, I get to participate in lots of mind-expanding experiences, and not just Christian ones... I have Baha'i friends, Buddhists, Jewish, one Muslim, Zoroastrian, Jainists, neo-pagans, Paleo-pagans and Spiritualists- among many, many others. I'd love to use my interfaith status to celebrate them all, but not without honest study and the integrity of active participation.... No, I'm a native specialist, and as such do the solstice/New Years things, and honour the special traditions of Christmas with my blended family.

A holiday bug? Don't mess with Christmas trees... leave them be. Our various holiday traditions overlap now, so they mean lots of things to lots of different people. A holiday temptation? Shortbread. Egad, I love shortbread. I love it so much that except for our gathering this year, I haven't made it in 20+ years because I would eat it. And I love exchanging presents....

Weird and funky...

2006-12-19T19:19:00.000-08:00

I was unsuccessful with my OAC grant, but I have an opportunity to review it with the co-ordinator and try for the next deadline in February, if I decide to put myself through that again... A disappointment, to be sure. But the upside is my gallery show, and I'll keep on truckin' once I get my Bernina fixed....

I read an article about how people under 30 socialize, and basically many of them use MySpace to share information, blog and network. This was not my kind of format, but a community of people I communicate with had the main website go down, and we all got redirected to MySpace. I struggled my way through the set-up, but I see myself removing the site when the community I belong to goes back to the regular format. On MySpace I feel like an old fish out of water... I'm functioning under a nom-de-plume, for safety sake.

Up to my ass (and I don't mean Jujube) in Christmas prep... trying to get family gift baskets done, remember the teacher, bus driver, and whoever else, perhaps the postman. To add to the pressure we went into the school for a morning assembly where Angeni introduced her class in French, and they proceeded to do a dance with pig masks on. It was a lengthy assembly, and the little ones are getting antsy - lots of kids pulled to the side, and tears over being kicked, and whatever they do to each other instead of paying attention. It was a struggle to get there for 9 AM, with the morning barn chores, but we did, and I'm glad. Having video of Angeni dancing in a pig mask has to be worth some potential blackmail when she's about ... hmmm... 15?

I'm enjoying my Tuesday night ghost shows, so better get back to that... spooks don't wait!!

Fabulous Solstice

2006-12-18T06:38:00.000-08:00

I always fuss about solstice ahead of time... days ahead of time... whether the house is clean enough, if there will be enough people to bother, if we should go out and buy more food, etc. Seems to me that interest in winter gatherings has diminished, even though global warming has made the drive a lot easier to our place.

Nonetheless, solstice came, and although we entertained only 9 guests this year (a record low) it was one of the nicest, most intimate gatherings so far. The gifting tradition of passing something on that you need to move along, worked really well. We feasted. This year I baked pumpkin pies, mincemeat tarts, and shortbread. It was a nice balanced feast.

To recap some of the solar/lunar happenings:

1. Solstice is the time of longest dark, and traditional New Years for aboriginal people, when shamans meet with the ancestors. Our ancestors are the star people, and we light trees, as stars are seen as lights through trees. Technically this occurs on Thursday Dec. 21st @ 7:22 PM, so you have time between now and then to prepare your gifts for the ancestors, and to reflect on your prayers and questions – a wonderful night to channel. Solstice means “sun standing still” and it appears to do so for about 9 days – 4 days on either side of solstice. We typically only see the days getting longer on the 25th – this was a reason for both the Roman and Christian holidays to be celebrated then… In pre-historic times, winter was a very difficult time for Aboriginal people in the northern latitudes. The growing season had long ended and the tribe had to live off of stored food and whatever animals they could catch. The people would be troubled as the life-giving sun sank lower in the sky each noon. They feared that it would eventually disappear and leave them in permanent darkness and extreme cold. After the winter solstice, they would have reason to celebrate as they saw the sun rising and strengthening once more. Although many months of cold weather remained before spring, they took heart that the return of the warm season was inevitable. The concept of birth and or death/rebirth became associated with the winter solstice. Aboriginal people had no elaborate instruments to detect the solstice, but they were able to notice a slight elevation of the sun's path within a few days after the solstice -- DEC-25th.

2. The 20th is also new moon, when the moon is furthest away from the earth, and the lack of pull allows us to journey with this grandmother – how wonderful is this opportunity.

3. We celebrated the beginning of this 13th moon cycle, the grandmother “Becomes Her Vision” on Nov. 20th. We don’t always have a 13th moon, due to the erratic nature of precession, and the shifting orbits and magnetic pulls.

4. As for perihelion, this is the point where the earth is closest to the sun. This year it occurs on Jan. 3rd, 2007. On an interesting note, it happens to also be full moon on Jan. 3rd – and the name of this moon historically was Full Wolf Moon. It will be a night to howl, and NOT a night to drink alcohol.

5. We have “beware the pogonip” on the 22nd – the time of freezing fog.

Gay Marriage

2006-12-17T08:30:00.000-08:00

I'm glad parliament recently voted not to reopen the rights of homosexuals to marry... hopefully now Stephen Harper can keep his personal beliefs out of the bedrooms of the nation. I have been asked whether we here at Wolfe Island Aboriginal Interfaith Church perform gay marriages - and the answer is "Always have and always will." To conform with the new law a lot of church leaders have been told that it is up to their personal comfort level as to whether they will perform gay marriages or not... as long as someone in a particular gay-positive denomination does it, so the church isn't sued. Of course, there are always some faith groups that will never perform gay marriage, and that is their choice, but if forces adherents to find another clergy of a different faith, or have a civil service performed.

One of my first weddings was indeed a union for two women, although in those days it could only be considered a "Commitment Ceremony". Had they approached me after the laws changed, we wouldn't have had to perform the public ceremony all over again, because the witnesses would affirm that this couple did indeed wed on a New Year's Eve back in '94. It was in a lesbian club in Kitchener - everyone there seemed to have a wonderful experience.

So why do I embrace gay marriage? Simple - I have a humanist approach to the concept of legal rights to marry. Marriage is a commitment between two people, no matter what their gender or sexual preference. Historically native people have always embraced the "twin spirited" people in their community. Being an interfaith minister I will always support this perspective on marriage. Where I draw the line is around marriage for people in the BDSM community who insist on having the marriage done in harnesses and garb that suggests one partner is submitting - I will only marry people who approach the process as equals. That's my comfort level. Come to me as equals, and I'm happy to do the ceremony.

It's fun to talk about art shows one day, illness the next, politics a third day and nonsense on the 4th - freedom of speech. Ain't blogs grand???